Everything Changed
by OoglieBooglie
Summary: When an old friend of Maura is in need, she leaves Boston to help. When she returns home things will have changed. Something has happened to Jane. Will they ever be the same again? -Hard to explain without giving anything away- Just try it. : Time line - somewhere in the not so distant future. Rizzles - of course.
1. The Phone Call

**Not mine. Rizzoli and Isles belong to TGerritsen, JTamaro and TNT. I'm just using them for a bit.**

**A/N This is my first time writing fanfic. I tried to come up with a somewhat original story line, but it's hard with so many stories out there. Oh, and English is not my first language. I try and edit to the best of my ability, but some errors might have still snuck in. Feel free to point them out, but be kind. :)**

* * *

Chapter 1

* * *

If asked to describe Jane Rizzoli most people would tell you things like, she's strong, loud, sarcastic, kind, loyal, brazen, funny, a whirlwind, intelligent, protective, tortured, and one hell of a detective. Jane Rizzoli was all of these things, but not today, today she was tired, unsettled, and angry.

It had been less than twelve hours since Maura Isles had left Boston and Jane didn't know when she would see her again. So here Jane was, lying awake in her apartment. She wanted to sleep, she needed to sleep. Her mind and body needed the rest. And as she lies here in bed, trying to relax her muscles so she can fall asleep, her mind wanders to the events which led up to tonight.

* * *

It was late friday night, when Maura and Jane stepped through the door of Maura's home at the end of a very long day, in an even longer week. Jane kicked off her shoes near the door, unclipped her badge and gun before putting them away. She slowly walked over to the living room and let herself sink into the soft cushions of the couch.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?", the blonde asked softly, looking over at the brunette who was leaning her head against one of the big pillows.

"Nah, I'm fine," Jane said, she reached out to grab Maura's hands tugging her down on the couch next to her.

Maura happily let herself be pulled down by Jane and moved her legs so they were now on the detective's lap, Jane automatically grabbed her feet and started to slowly rub them.

"What a week, I am exhausted. I don't think I've slept since tuesday night. When are those hallucinations supposed to set in again?"

"Soon," Maura mumbled.

Jane opened one eye and peered over at Maura, "no scientific explanation, doctor Isles?"

"Can't think straight,... too tired, and you are rubbing my feet."

Jane moved to lay down on the couch, taking Maura with her, she propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at the blonde.

"Just go to sleep", she said before she leaned in and placed a kiss on the doctor's lips.

"Clothes…wrinkles," Maura tiredly mumbled.

Jane softly chuckled, only Maura would worry about things like that. "You can dry clean them, now shhh...sleep."

A few moments later Jane could hear Maura's breathing even out, indicating she had fallen asleep.

Unfortunately, even though she was exhausted herself, sleep never came easy for Jane.

Her mind drifted back to the details of BPD's latest double homicide. '_Solved double homicide'_, she corrected herself.

The week had started when they received a call at two in the morning on Monday. Two bodies were found in an alley outside a local restaurant. Both victims were male, late 30's, both with gunshot wounds. Maura had done the autopsies that day and provided them with the caliber used to kill both victims. The next few days the detectives worked to find leads and put the case together. They received a real break in the case when Frost worked his magic on the computer. He had taken a look into the business both victims owned together, and found some serious discrepancies in the financial records, this led them to suspect the company accountant.

They were able to get a search warrant for the accountants residence, and a gun was found in a garbage can behind the property. They took him into custody, read him his rights, and at this point they could have waited for the lab results to confirm or deny that his gun was the same as the one used in the killings, but Jane didn't like waiting. So she aimed for a confession, and Jane Rizzoli was good at interrogations. This guy had been easy, he was ready to spill the beans in less than thirty minutes. He confessed to stealing from his employers. When they had found out about the missing money, they had confronted him, and threatened to call the police. The accountant, terrified to go to prison, had taken matters into his own hands. Ironically instead of being convicted for fraud, which would have only gotten him a couple of years behind bars, he would now go to jail for the rest of his life.

All in all, a good days work, or a weeks work in this case, either way she was proud of her team and another job well done.

Maura had also been unusually busy this week, first with the autopsies of the two victims in their case, which she handled quickly and meticulous as always, and on Wednesday she had been called to consult on a particularly trying case from another medical examiner's office. Of course she helped them figure it out in no time at all. Yes, Jane was proud of the brilliant chief M.E., '_her brilliant chief M.E.'_ she fondly thought to herself.

Now they were finally home, happy but exhausted. Thankfully they were not on call this weekend so they could relax and spend some much needed time together.

Thinking of the relaxing time ahead of them Jane wrapped herself around Maura and finally fell asleep.

* * *

The two women were still sound asleep the next morning when Angela Rizzoli made her way into the house. She briefly peaked into the living room seeing the women comfortably resting on the couch. She quietly snuck back over to the kitchen, put on some coffee and decided to cook breakfast, she knew her girls would wake up soon as they smelled the coffee and breakfast. '_Her girls_', she smiled to herself, '_it sure took them long enough'_.

Not long after Angela had started cooking, Jane was the first to stir in her sleep. She grumbled a bit, before snuggling further into Maura. Maura slowly opened her eyes, she felt a lot better than she did the night before, she looked over to the brunette lying against her side. One arm over her chest, one leg intertwined with hers, and with her face tugged closely against her neck. She loved waking up like this with Jane, although she would have preferred being in her bed instead of on the couch.

They had been best friends for years, but their relationship had shifted into something more about two months ago. One evening on this very couch, they were laughing at something that happened earlier in the day, the next thing she knew they were kissing. The kiss had been a little tentative at first, just a brush of lips, slow and soft. After they had parted, they looked at each other and they both just smiled. It had felt so natural. The corners of her mouth automatically turned up thinking about that night.

"Jane," she whispered.

"Sssshhh," Jane moved her hand over to Maura's lips, "too early".

"I think your mother made breakfast, and...," she sniffed, "I definitely smell coffee."

"Mmmm…."

"Come on, we can shower together as soon as we're done eating", she whispered in the brunette's ear.

A shiver moved over the detective's back hearing those words. "I'm up, I'm up," Jane said with a grin on her face.

They both got up and made their way over to the kitchen. "Hey ma", "Angela", they said at the same time.

"Sit down, eat. I made you girls breakfast."

"Thanks ma", Jane slid down next to Maura at the kitchen island, "I am famished".

"I bet you are. You always forget to eat when you get a difficult case." Angela raises her eyebrow at her daughter, who in turn just looked at her with feigned innocence.

"Aren't you going to eat with us, Angela?" Maura asked when she saw that Angela didn't make a plate for herself.

"I can't, I have to work, Stanley asked if I could cover an extra shift today, he had something '_important_' to do today, but I'm pretty sure he just went fishing. Which reminds me, I better get ready. I'll see you girls later." And with that Angela walked over to the back door.

"Thanks for breakfast, Angela", "yeff, pfffanks mom", Jane added with her mouth full.

"What?" she said when she saw Maura squint her eyes at her.

"Swallow before you speak detective," she said playfully slapping Jane's arm.

Angela watched the teasing interchange between them, "anything for my girls," she said and with that she turned and was out the door.

Jane and Maura finished their breakfast in comfortable silence. After finishing her cup of coffee Jane moved over to put their dishes in the dishwasher before she turned around to face Maura."Now how about that shower?" she said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

"Whatever are you talking about, _detective_?" Maura teased, swaying her hips as she strutted towards the bathroom.

"Oh, you are in so much trouble, _doctor ," _Jane quickly hurried after Maura into the bathroom.

* * *

Their shower had taken quite a bit of energy out of them so they decided to move to the bedroom next, where both enthusiastically continued their morning of loving each other. Around mid morning both had fallen back asleep naked and completely satisfied. It wasn't until early afternoon both were woken up by the ringing of Maura's phone.

"Don't get that," Jane said half asleep.

"I have to, it could be important." Maura disentangled herself from Jane, got out of bed and quickly put a robe around herself.

"I know, hurry back?" Jane turned around and almost immediately fell back asleep.

"I'll be quick," Maura moved to the living room and grabbed her phone, "Doctor Isles", she answered.

* * *

About an hour later Jane woke up in an empty bed. "Maur," she called out, her voice still sounded grave from sleep. No answer.

Jane got up and got dressed in jeans and a t-shirt before moving to the living room. "Hey," she said when she noticed Maura sitting on the couch, "where did you go? I got lonely without you."

She moved behind Maura, putting her hands on her shoulders. "You ok?"

Maura jumped. Jane quickly removed her hands. "Oh Jane, you scared me", Maura grabbed her chest.

"Oh-kay." Jane said slowly, "you must have been really spacing out there, doc, I'm not exactly the silent type." She moved to the front of the couch.

Maura gave her a half smile, "I was just lost in thought and I didn't know you were up yet, I didn't hear you." She was still trying to get her breathing and heart rate back under control.

"S'okay, Maur. Next time I'll slam a door or something," she smiled at the blonde.

"Hmmm…," Maura was still a little distracted until she realized what Jane said, "No, don't slam the door, you know how I hate it when you do that."

"I was just kidding Maura", Jane moved to sit next to Maura. "So deep thoughts, ...anything you want to talk about?"

"Not yet, no."

Maura got up from the couch. "You want to order some take-out? I know it's early still, but I am kind of hungry already. Maybe some Indian food? I am going to get changed real quick, why don't you watch some tv, there should be a game on." She knew she was rambling, but she couldn't stop it at the moment.

Jane got up and moved over towards Maura, she reached out and gently took a hold of her hands. "Maur, you are rambling, you usually only ramble when you're nervous…what's going on?"

"It's nothing, Jane, I'm fine. I'll be back in a little bit okay?"

Jane not easily pacified looked at her, puzzled, she wanted to know what was going on, but decided to let it go, for now, "even though I can see that you are not fine, I won't push you to talk about it, lord knows I hate it when someone does it to me, but when you're ready I am here for you."

Maura nodded leaning into Jane, giving her a hug. "I know Jane, thank you, for not pushing. I promise I will share soon. In the mean time don't worry, I'm okay." She kept her tone light to try to reassure the detective.

After Maura left the room Jane moved over to the kitchen. '_I wonder what is going on in that big brain of hers_', she thought to herself. She grabbed a beer out of the fridge and took a few sips. Still in thought she browsed the menu for the take out place Maura had mentioned, she quickly decided what to order and called it in.

With nothing else to do now but wait for the food to arrive she lowered herself down on one of the dining room chairs, the detective in her already hard at work to try and solve the Maura conundrum. '_She was tired last night, but nothing out of the ordinary. This morning she seemed fine, especially during and after our shower_,' she grinned thinking about their morning antics. '_We fell asleep and then….?_' She drummed her fingers on the table. Suddenly stopping as she had an eureka moment, '_there was a phone call.'_

* * *

Maura had been mostly quiet throughout the rest of the day. They ate their Indian take-out before Jane took Jo Friday for a walk around the block. She took a little longer than usual, mostly because the little mutt needed the exercise, but also because she hoped that by giving Maura some time to herself she would open up, and tell her what was bothering her. Unfortunately when she got back Maura still wasn't very talkative. When evening arrived they decided to watch a movie, so now they were snuggled together on the couch, with Jane laying against the back, her head propped up with a pillow, her arms around Maura who was laying in front of her. They were watching 'Star Trek' and Jane could tell Maura wasn't really paying attention to the movie, the doctor hadn't mentioned once how inaccurate the science in this movie was, something highly out of character for the brainy doctor. Maura always googlemouthed throughout any movie they watched, but tonight, nothing. Jane was now really starting to get worried.

"Maura? Are you okay? You know I don't usually pry, but ever since that phone call this afternoon, you've been a little off. I tried to give you some time to process…," she motioned with her hand, "whatever it is, but I am worried about you."

Maura shifted so she now lay face to face with Jane, arms still around each other, she briefly closed her eyes and gave Jane a kiss. She let the kiss linger for a minute before opening her eyes and looking into the concerned dark brown eyes before her. "Thank you for not pushing earlier, I just needed some time to process."

"You've been freaking me out a little Maura."

"I know, and I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry, it's just, the phone call really took me by surprise." Maura sat up a little before she continued, "It was a call from Medecins Sans Frontieres."

"Medi-what now?"

"Sorry, 'Doctors Without Borders'."

Jane nodded her understanding, and motioned for Maura to continue.

Maura paused for moment, not sure how to share the rest of the phone call. "Do you remember Ian?" noting Jane's expression she quickly added, "of course you remember Ian. Ian works for 'Doctors Without Borders' and the phone call was to notify me that he's been seriously injured in an accident."

Jane now shifted to a sitting position herself. "I am sorry, Maura, did they say what happened?"

"Car accident, they didn't give me any other details."

Jane nodded her head, then something dawned on her. "I don't mean to be insensitive here, but…Maura, why would they call you? They usually inform next of kin. And you are not his family."

Maura shrugged her shoulders, "apparently he never changed me as his power of attorney."

"You are his power of attorney? Oh-kay…" she slowly drug the last word out before asking, "So, what does that mean?"

Maura started on a legal explanation of the power of attorney before Jane stopped her, "I know what a power of attorney is, Maura, I just want to know what it means, …for you…because you are his?"

"It means…I have to go to Africa."


	2. The Conversation

Chapter 2

"Say what now?" Jane looked at her, obviously confused.

"I have to go to Africa." Maura repeated.

"Why would you go to Africa?"

"Because that's where he is, Ian, he's in Africa, in Uganda to be more specific."

Jane got up and started pacing around the living room. "Again, why would _you_ have to go to Africa?".

"Because he's in a coma, and someone needs to be there to make his medical decisions for him," Maura explained in a patient tone of voice.

"Doesn't he have any family or other friends, friends that are not _you_?"

"He doesn't have any family, Jane, and since I am still his power of attorney, I am the only one that can legally make decisions for him regarding his health."

"Why would he still have you listed as that? You haven't seen or spoken to him in, what, three years now?"

Maura briefly looked away.

Jane noticed Maura's unease. "What, Maura, spit it out."

Maura looked at Jane, "well, it hasn't exactly been three years."

"He came back here?" Maura nodded. "When?" Jane asked.

"A little over a year ago." Maura guiltily said.

"And you never told me about this, because…the first time you hid him from me it went over so well", Jane was getting sarcastic now.

"No, it was around the same time you and I were going through some _difficulties_. He was only here for a few days, and I didn't want to put you in a bad position, because of his activities and problems with Interpol."

"Ah, yes, the illegal '_activities_', how could I have forgotten about the drug smuggling."

Her mind seemed to be going a mile a minute, she didn't know how she was supposed to feel about this. On the one hand she wanted to be understanding, she knew the guy couldn't help that he got injured. But on the other hand she could not understand why Maura had to be the one to take care of him. Why does she have to travel to Africa, Uganda, or whatever, is it even safe there? "Is it even safe for you to go there?" she voiced her concern.

"Uganda is fairly safe, as long as you don't go to the far north of the country. He's in a hospital in Kampala, the capital of Uganda, which is towards the south."

Jane, nodded. She started pacing again.

"Jane, can you please sit down, you are making me dizzy."

Jane gave her an angry look, but she stopped pacing and moved to sit in one of the other chairs in the living room. She leaned forward, arms on her knees, pinching her nose with her left hand trying to fight the headache that was quickly building. "I don't want you to go, Maura, I don't like this."

Maura took a deep breath to steady herself. "Jane, he has nobody else to help him, I can't just abandon him there, he's my friend, and he's hurt, I want to help him, can you understand that?"

"I understand that part, Maura, I do, I understand your need to help. It's just…it's him." '_love of your life Ian_'.

"You don't trust me." a statement, not a question.

"I do, I trust you completely Maura. But I don't trust him."

With those words Jane looked up into Maura's eyes. They were at a standstill. Jane wanted to beg Maura not to go, but she knew that nothing she could say would change Maura's mind. Maura was kind, she had a big heart, she was exactly the type of person that would fly around the world to help a friend in need. And Jane loved her for that, and she wanted to be understanding, supportive, it just didn't come easy when it came to Ian. A few years ago Maura had called him the love of her life. When Ian first arrived into town, Maura had hidden the relationship from her, and Jane had been hurt. After a few days, Ian had left town and Maura was left behind, devastated. Thinking about Maura and Ian together always made Jane feel insecure, most of the time she just hid it well.

After a few more moments of silence, Jane spoke again. "How long will you be gone?"

"A few weeks, maybe longer, it all depends on the severity of his injuries."

"When will you leave?"

"As soon as possible, I'll take the next flight available."

Jane just nodded.

More silence.

Jane slowly opened her mouth, than thought better of it and closed it again, this happened twice more before she got up and moved over to the couch and sat next to Maura.

"I might not completely understand why you feel that _you_ have to go to Africa to take care of him." Maura opened her mouth to interrupt, but Jane held up her hand to stop her. "No, let me finish." She took another deep breath before she continued. "I might not understand, frankly I am having a hard time wrapping my head around any of it, and I am not even going to start on how I feel about you being around Ian for any amount of time, I don't trust him, _but_ I trust you and if '_this_' is what you need to do…." Jane paused before she briefly looked into Maura's eyes, "I won't stand in your way."

"You can come with me," Maura tried.

Jane shook her head, "you know I can't do that Maura, I can't just take an undetermined leave of absence."

Another few minutes passed while neither of them spoke.

Jane was the first to break the silence again, "so…you probably need to call Cavanaugh?"

Maura shook her head again.

"No?" Jane took a closer look at Maura's face, "Oh," she said, understanding why Maura looked so guilty. "you already called him, didn't you? When did you have time to call him?

"When you took Jo for a walk."

"So, you already made your decision to go, before even talking to me?"

Maura looked down not meeting Jane's glare.

"You already got a plane ticket as well?"

Maura stayed silent.

"When are you leaving Maura?"

"Tomorrow."

...

"Well you better start packing, you don't have much time." Jane got up from the couch, she was really starting to get angry now. "Just answer me one thing Maura, if I wouldn't have brought this up tonight, when were you planning on telling me. Or were you just going to call me from the airport?"

"Of course not, I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how to bring it up."

"I guess I should thank you, for at least giving me the illusion that I had any kind of say in this," Jane huffed, she quickly walked to the front door, put on her shoes and jacket and grabbed her keys from the side table.

"You are leaving?" Maura asked, she knew she screwed up.

"Yes, and apparently so are you."


	3. The Morning After

Chapter 3

* * *

Early Sunday morning, Jane woke up when the first rays of sun entered through her bedroom window. She grabbed the pillow next to her, put it on her face, to try and block out the sunlight. The pillow smelled like Maura, and it just made Jane more frustrated.

She shouldn't be waking up by herself, in her own bed. Maura and her were supposed to be having a nice relaxing weekend together, with a few movies, good food, a couple of beers or wine in Maura's case, and of course lots of sex. But instead of waking up entangled with the beautiful blonde doctor, she was here, by herself, still very much pissed.

Last night she had left Maura's house angry, she all but ran to her car, got in, and drove off; all the way ignoring her girlfriend, who was calling after her. Of course Maura had tried to call her on the phone right away, but Jane knew it was best if they didn't continue their conversation at that moment. She didn't want to run the risk of saying something in anger that she couldn't take back later.

Once Jane arrived at her apartment she realized she better tell the doctor something, because knowing Maura, sooner or later she would just show up at her doorstep, making matters even worse. So she decided to send a brief text, '_Need some time, we'll talk tomorrow_.'

* * *

When Jane got up that morning, she was still angry, but more than that, she was hurt. Hurt because she felt Maura had 'hidden' Ian from her, again. She assumed _'the difficulties_' Maura mentioned they were going through at the time Ian visited, was when she shot Doyle. Fine, so they weren't really talking at the time, she still should have said something about it later.

"Ian…Yuck!" Jane said to herself, while she was running through her morning ablutions. She started mimicking Ian in the mirror while brushing her teeth, "Oh, look at me! I am Duddly Doo Right, woopdiedoo!" She spit out her toothpaste, "pompous ass."

Jane really didn't get what Maura ever saw in this guy in the first place, he treated her like she was nothing, all those years. He left her devastated every time he waltzed through her life, but here she was again, ready to help him.

The thing that really hurt the most though, was that Maura decided to fly half way across the world, without so much as asking her for her opinion first. Fine, they had only been together as a couple for a short time, but still, this is not how a relationship works. She should have had a say in this, and the bad thing about it all, was that she couldn't even stay pissed for a few days, because Maura was leaving today. She didn't want her to leave, at all, but especially not like this.

So Jane finished getting ready, she send Maura a quick message that she was on her way, got in her car and drove the thirty minutes to get to Maura's house.

* * *

Maura had been besides herself all night, she knew she had royally screwed up.

As soon as Jane got in her car and drove off, Maura had tried calling her, there had been no answer, which wasn't that surprising, so Maura decided to just go after her. She had put on her jacket and was just about to head through the door, when her phone buzzed, Jane had sent her a text saying '_she needed some time'_.

Knowing Jane the way she did, Maura decided it was probably for the best not to push further tonight; but first thing in the morning, she was going to make Jane listen to her.

She lay awake for most of that night, and at some point in the early morning hours she gave up trying to sleep all together.

In her hurry to leave, Jane had forgotten to take Jo home with her, so Maura took care of the little mutt this morning, taking her for a walk around the block. After feeding both Bass and Jo, she received Jane's text that she was on her way, and now Maura was sitting in the kitchen, nervously waiting for Jane to show up.

* * *

When the doorbell finally rang, Maura jumped up and rushed to open the door, there she found Jane leaning against the doorpost.

"Hey", the brunette said.

"Hey," the blonde responded before she started to cry, unable to hold her tears any longer. "I am so sorry Jane, so sorry. I should have told you right away. I don't know what I was thinking."

Jane stepped forward, she couldn't ignore a crying Maura, she pulled her into a hug and closed the door behind her with her foot. She just held her for a few minutes until the doctor calmed down some. She slowly pulled away from the hug and looked at the blonde, her eyes where now red and puffy from crying.

She used her thumbs to wipe away the tears, before opening her mouth. "I know you are sorry Maura, what I don't know is why you didn't tell me. This is a pretty big decision you made, without so much as consulting with me first, it doesn't make me feel very good."

Maura let out a shuddering breath, trying to compose herself. She knew she had to try and explain her actions to Jane, and she hoped Jane would forgive her.

The truth was Maura hadn't been thinking clearly at all yesterday afternoon, she was mostly just shocked. She had not given Ian much thought since the last time he visited, he had shown up at her house like usual, stayed with her for a few days and then he left, like every time before that. But for the first time since meeting him, she wasn't devastated when he left. She realized that the strong feelings she used to have for him, just weren't there any more, she now just thought of him as a good friend.

And then the phone call came, she had been scared for her friend, she didn't want him to be hurt. The bigger shock came when they told her she was still his medical agent, she had forgotten all about that, it had been over ten years since she agreed to it.

In the hours after she received the news, her mind had gone over all the different injuries that he could have sustained from his accident to put him in a coma, and any possible treatments or surgeries he might need. In the end she decided that if she really wanted to help him, she couldn't do it from here in Boston, she needed to fly out as soon as possible and look at his case in person.

When Jane decided to take Jo for a walk, she finally snapped out of her daze, and just acted. She had gotten up, grabbed the phone and called the airline to make reservations, then she had called her boss to arrange for the time off.

As soon as she hung up the phone she realized her mistake by not talking to Jane first. She wanted to tell Jane the minute she came back and try to explain the situation, but then she started to worry about her response.

So she decided to wait until she could figure out the best way to bring it up, obviously she had waited too long, and it made the situation so much worse.

While the blonde was contemplating this, Jane was still waiting for an answer, "Maura?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how to tell you, I was scared you would be upset."

"Not as upset as I am now, Maura. It really feels like my opinion doesn't matter to you."

"It does", Maura looked into Jane's eyes trying to convey her sincerity, "your opinion means everything to me, you mean everything to me, and I am an idiot for not saying something right away."

Jane just nodded her head. Maura could tell she was still upset, her eyes were guarded, but Maura could see the hurt in them. Seeing Jane like this broke her heart, but she didn't know what else to do. She didn't want to fly half way across the world, she wanted to stay here with Jane and make it up to her. But she also couldn't abandon a friend in need, and she knew time was of the essence. She was torn.

After looking at each other in silence for a few moments the brunette opened her mouth. "What time is your flight?", she asked.

"My flight leaves at twelve, a town car should be here to pick me up in about an hour."

"Cancel it," Jane said, "I'll take you."

* * *

As soon as they got into the car Maura grabbed Jane's right hand and held it between her own. The ride was mostly spent in silence, with only occasional glances at each other. Once they arrived at the airport, Jane parked the car and they made their way inside. Maura checked in for her flight and dropped off her luggage.

When it was time for Maura to go through security, she looked at Jane. "Jane, are we okay? I can't leave if we are not okay."

Jane didn't know what to say, she didn't want Maura to leave, but she couldn't make her stay. She decided to just grab her in a tight hug, and tell her 'they were okay'. They held onto each other for a few long moments before Jane pulled back, she cupped Maura's face with her hands and kissed her lips passionately, she then told her to 'be careful', 'come back soon' and 'I love you', before turning away and leaving.

Maura stood there with tears in her eyes, looking at Jane walking away.

She almost called after the brunette, she wanted to cancel this stupid trip, and run after Jane, hold onto her and never let go.

But while she was thinking this, Jane disappeared from view, and her final boarding call was announced.

So she boarded her flight, closed the shade of the window next to her seat, and leaned back in her comfortable chair in first class. All the time reassuring herself that this was only going to be for a few weeks, she would get this trip over with, go to Uganda, take care of business and come back home as soon as possible.

Jane and her were going to be okay, they would continue to build their lives together, and with that thought she closed her eyes and settled in for the long flight.


	4. The First Few Days

Chapter 4

* * *

After dropping Maura off at the airport, Jane decided to visit with Angela at the Division One cafe.

She had just finished explaining to her mother what happened.

"So Maura's gone already?"

Jane nodded. "I dropped her off two hours ago", Jane looked at her watch, "she should be about an hour into her flight by now."

She sighed in frustration, leaning over, arms and head on the table in front of her.

"Oh baby, it will be alright, she'll be back home before you know it." Angela gently patted her daughters back.

Jane couldn't help but feel that somehow Maura was choosing Ian over her. The logical part of her knew that wasn't true, but the emotional part of her, her heart, told a different story. '_Why did she leave? Does he really have nobody else to help him? What if she sees him and realizes she is still in love with him? What if she never comes back?'_

"What if she decides to stay there, … with him?" Jane spoke softly, "She's the love of my life ma, …and he is hers, or was…or is, I don't know. This really sucks." She growled in frustration.

"Listen to me Jane," Angela gently grabbed her daughters chin so she could look into her eyes. "she loves _you_ now, you have to trust her. Ian was her past. But you, you are her future. She'll be back. You hear me?"

"I guess," Jane was still too frustrated to give in yet. She wanted to wallow in self pity for a little longer.

"Now how about some bunny pancakes to cheer you up."

"Fine," the detective grumbled, "and since Maura isn't here to tell me how bad it is for me, I want lots of extra syrup."

* * *

The plane had touched down in Kampala, Uganda about forty minutes ago, Maura had picked up her luggage and made her way through customs, before being greeted by a representative from 'Doctors Without Borders'.

As soon as she stepped outside of the airport terminal she felt like she was wrapped in a hot, wet blanket. It was February and unlike Boston, where it was the middle of winter, Uganda was in one of the warmest months of the year. On top of that it was the start of the wet season. Unlike other countries that endure a monsoon season once a year, Uganda endures it twice a year.

Either way it was miserable. Maura's body was used to the temperatures of Boston, and she preferred the cold, the fresh air, the snow.

She hadn't even been in Kampala for an hour, and she was already feeling homesick. She missed her house, her bed, her job, her tortoise, but most of all she really missed Jane.

Maura looked down at her watch, calculating the time difference between Uganda and Boston. It was now 3:30 a.m. in Boston, the middle of the night. They had a seven hour time difference, most of Maura's day time was Jane's night time, and vice versa. She stood there for a few moments trying to decide what to do, she really wanted to call Jane and hear her voice. But she didn't want to call in the middle of the night, it was so hard for the detective to get to sleep sometimes.

Ultimately she decided not to call at that moment, she would wait until she settled into her hotel room a few hours later.

But first she would have to go to Mulago hospital where Ian was being treated, talk to the doctors and get an update on his injuries.

* * *

Maura slowly became aware of her surroundings, her head fuzzy from jet lag and not quite sure where she was yet.

She turned over on her side and reached out her arm looking for Jane's warm body, but the bed was cold.

All of a sudden she was wide awake, she jumped out of bed and grabbed her robe, all the while berating herself. "No, no, no," she said, looking at the clock on the wall, 8:30 a.m., "no, no, no, this didn't happen."

She quickly grabbed the phone in her room and dialed the number, biting on the side of her thumb, waiting for the other end of the line to pick up.

One, two, three, four rings with no answer, just before the machine would have picked up she heard a voice.

"Rizzoli," Jane answered, her voice rough from sleep, she had picked up the phone before looking at the caller ID.

"Jane? It's Maura."

"Maura? - What time is it?", she looked at her alarm clock, '_1:30 a.m., really!? This is when she finally decides to call, the frigging middle of the night?'_ Jane was instantly annoyed.

She had thought Maura would have called her at some point during her day yesterday, and it wasn't until she got home last night that she really started to get worried. She had tried calling Maura's cell phone, but all she got was, -_the number you have reached is unavailable_- apparently Maura's phone didn't work over there.

This is when she realized Maura never gave her the information about the hotel she was staying at, she had no way of getting a hold of her. '_How could she forget to give that to me_?' It made her feel angry again, but she had tried to calm herself down. '_ok, the morning before she left, Maura had been very emotional. She probably really just forgot. And she hadn't called yet, because, -_ _maybe she got held up at the hospital_, _I'm sure she'll call soon as she can'_.

She had tried to reassure herself, but still, she had gone to sleep worried about Maura.

Maura hesitated, realizing she had woken Jane up from her sleep, "It's 8:30 a.m. here. I was - " she started, but Jane interrupted her.

"It's the middle of the night here Maura, you waited this long to call me, you could have waited a few more hours until I was actually awake."

Jane didn't mean to sound so harsh, but she was tired and cranky, and she felt abandoned.

"Jane, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was already so late there. I was going to call you as soon as I checked into the hotel yesterday, but I was so tired. I laid down for just a minute, I must have fallen asleep."

Jane rolled over on her back and put her arm over her eyes, she took a deep breath before responding, "I was worried Maura. Your phone doesn't work and you didn't leave a number for me to reach you."

Maura was quiet, another mistake she had made. How could she screw up so badly, this wasn't like her.

"I don't know what to say Jane, except that I am so sorry, again." she started to sound like a broken record, always apologizing.

"I never realized my phone wouldn't work here, and I am a fool for not giving anyone my hotel information, if something would have happened - ," she didn't want to finish that sentence.

She held her breath for a moment, before letting it out. "Jane, I am an ass!"

In all her frustration this still made Jane smile briefly. Doctor Isles, cussing.

"I'll buy a new cell phone here tomorrow, so you can reach me whenever you need to."

Silence.

"I will email you the contact information for the hotel here, as soon as we get off the phone."

Still silence.

"Jane?"

She could hear Jane breathing, then quietly, "I'm still here."

Maura didn't know what else to say, "I better let you go back to sleep. We'll talk soon?"

" ... okay"

"Jane?"

" ... yea?"

"I miss you."

" ... I miss you too."

* * *

On Tuesday morning Jane was sitting at her desk in the bullpen catching up on some paperwork, well technically she was just shifting paper around her desk making it look like she was busy doing paperwork.

She was bored, tired from being woken up in the middle of the night and still a little irritated at Maura for not calling her sooner in the first place.

She pushed at a stack of papers on her desk, which fell to the floor.

"Great, just great!" she moved to gather the papers, which had flown everywhere.

Frost got up and joined her in the retrieval. "You okay there partner?", he asked.

"Fine," she growled. '_My girlfriend just left to take care of her ex halfway across the world, but I'm just peachy,'_ of course she kept that thought to herself.

"Thanks, Frost. But I'll be fine. Frustrated, but fine," she gave him a half smile.

"Did you hear from Maura yet?"

Jane looked up at Frost, "yea, she called at 1:30 a.m. this morning."

"No wonder you have such a sunny demeanor today."

Jane gave him a dirty look, before realizing he was right. She was cranky.

Frost just grinned at her.

They had now gathered most of the papers from the floor, and put them back on Jane's desk. She was just about to sit down again, when Korsak came in. The older detective walked over to his desk looking deep in thought.

"I can hear those wheels turning old man." Frost liked to goad Korsak whenever he could.

"Huh, …what?"

"Your brain, it sounds like it's running at full capacity." he made a crunching noise while pointing at Korsak's head.

"Real funny." Korsak paused for a moment, trying to decide how to share what was on his mind, "I was downstairs talking to detective Morgan from the missing persons unit. They've been running around since last night trying to locate Rick's grandkids."

"Your old partner Rick?" Jane asked.

Korsak nodded.

"Not Josh and Sammy?" her voice was full of concern now.

"You know them, Jane?" Frost looked at his partner.

"I do, very well actually. Rick's oldest son David, Frankie and me all went to the same school together. We still hang out, we went to see a Sox game together only a few weeks ago, the kids too." she quickly directed her attention back to Korsak. "What happened?"

"They just disappeared. David dropped them off on Monday afternoon, so they could hang out at Copley Place Mall, but when he went to pick them up two hours later they were just gone."

"How old are they?"Frost asked.

"Josh is thirteen and Sam is fifteen." Jane offered. "They got any leads?"

Korsak shook his head, "barely".

"We need to help", Jane stated.

Korsak shook his head, "I already spoke with Cavanaugh, he wants us to stay out of it for now. We're too close to the case. Missing person's has it covered, they got every available officer on it."

Jane was just about to speak again, when her phone rang, "Rizzoli", she answered, " - yes, they are with me, - Ok - we're on our way."

Frost and Korsak looked at her expectantly.

"Let's go, we got a body."


	5. The Case Without Maura

Chapter 5

* * *

Korsak, Frost and Jane made it to the crime scene in record time.

Frost parked the car while Jane and Korsak quickly made their way passed the yellow crime tape, putting on their gloves in the process. When Jane got closer to the scene she spotted Frankie, he was leaning against a wall with a look of pure agony on his face.

Jane stepped in front of her brother, asking the unspoken question with her eyes.

"It's Josh," Frankie said with tears in his eyes.

"Oh no," Jane grabbed her brother and pulled him into a hug, she looked over his shoulder at Korsak who was already kneeling next to the body, he just looked up at her and shook his head.

Jane released her brother and made her way over to kneel down next to Korsak.

She took a shuddering breath trying to control her emotions wondering how on earth she was supposed to do her job today.

"Where's that bloody M.E.", Korsak said looking around.

"I am over here, detective." Dr. Pike was making his way over to them. He crouched down next to the body, and moved to start his initial examination.

"No way," Jane said, her voice cracked, "you are not touching him. There has to be someone else that can do the autopsy."

"You are out of line, detective." Pike said glaring up at Jane, "surely I am a better equipped M.E. than your Dr. Isles, with her wishy washy approach."

Jane opened her mouth and was about to tear into the smug M.E. when Korsak grabbed her by the arms and pulled her up, away from Josh's body.

"Take it easy, Jane. Let Dr. Pike do his job."

"He's a screw up Vince, he will screw this up, I just know it. We need the best on this." '_We need Maura_'.

Around that time Lt. Cavanaugh walked up behind them, and motioned his detectives over to the side. "You two really should not be working this case."

"Please don't take us off this case, we can't just stand by and do nothing." Jane pleaded with her boss.

Cavanaugh looked at both Korsak and Jane, contemplating what to do. He knew they were too close to the case, but they were also his best detectives. "Fine, but I am keeping a close eye on both of you, and Frost takes the lead. Now step back and let Dr. Pike do his job."

Jane took one more look at Josh's body before looking away. "God, who would do this Vince? And where is Sam?"

The older detective shook his head at her, not knowing what to say.

"I can't be here anymore, I'll meet you back at the precinct later." Jane turned around and walked away.

Korsak looked after Jane, he was worried. Jane Rizzoli came of hard as nails, and she really was a tough cop, most of the time. But she also had a big heart, she cared about all the victims they saw, she made sure to do whatever she could to bring them justice. It was one of the things that made her a great homicide detective. But now the victim was someone she knew, someone she was close with, and on top of that a kid. Korsak knew Jane was in a tremendous amount of pain and agony, he just hoped she would be able to handle this.

The older detective made his way over to Jane's partner, "Frost, I'm going after Jane, I'll catch up with you later."

"Take care of her Korsak."

* * *

Maura had just arrived back into her hotel room. She had spend most of her day at the hospital talking to Ian's doctors, and doing some research on his condition as well. Ian was still in a coma, and it was unsure if and when he would wake up. They were exploring the option of doing brain surgery. If that surgery was successful it would go a long way in his recover, but it was a risky procedure. Since Ian was stable at the moment, she had some time to make a decision. She wanted to talk to Jane and clear her head, so she decided to give the detective a call.

* * *

Jane had driven back to the precinct mostly in a daze, she had parked her car and made her way up to the bullpen without ever realizing she was making the journey.

'_Why would someone take Josh and Sammy, why?"_

While she was contemplating this her phone rang, but she was so lost in thought the sound didn't even register with her.

She just sat there, hiding her face with her hands, tears seeping through closed eye lids, slowly falling down her face.

* * *

Maura unable to reach Jane decided to call Angela instead. It was only two rings in, when Angela picked up the line.

"Hello?"

"Angela, it's Maura."

"Maura!" Angela's voice raised in excitement. "It's so good to hear from you, how are you?"

"I'm good, Angela. How's everything going over there?"

"Oh, fine. I took the rest of the week off, I am leaving in a few hours to visit with my cousin Theresa for a few days."

"That's great Angela." Maura smiled.

"Yes, I'm looking forward to it, I haven't seen her in ages. But enough about me, tell me what's been happening there? How's Uganda? How's Ian?"

Maura relayed the events of the past two days to Angela, updated her on Ian's condition and the decisions she had to make about his treatment.

"How long do you think you will have to stay there?" Angela asked after Maura finished talking.

"I'm not sure really. I want to come home as soon as possible. To be honest this whole situation is making me very uncomfortable. When I agreed to be his medical agent we had a different relationship, but now it just feels wrong for me to make these kind of decisions for him. And I know Jane isn't okay with this, I think she's still angry with me."

"I don't think she's angry, Maura. I think she's unsure what to feel at the moment. Isn't there any way you can have someone else take over for you?"

"I don't know how, I've been looking into it with my lawyer." Maura sighed, "I can decline to continue to help, but - "

"But?" Angela asked.

"But I don't think I can just abandon him like that, without knowing he's going to be taken care off."

Angela nodded, "you're a good person Maura, I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Thank you Angela. I just hope I can figure it out soon, so I can come home and fix things with Jane."

"I'm sure you girls will work it out. She loves you, Maura. She might be a bit stubborn at times, but she loves you. Just make sure she knows you love her too, and you two will be fine."

'_I hope so_', Maura thought to herself.

The two women said their goodbyes and Maura promised to give her a call again next week when Angela returned from her visit.

* * *

Jane wasn't sure how long she had sat there, when she felt a pair of hands touch her shoulders. She quickly sat up and wiped at her face.

"It's okay, Jane. It's just me." Korsak said.

Jane cleared her throat before speaking, "did they bring him back here yet?"

"He's en route, Dr Pike will start the autopsy right away."

"I want to be there", Jane got up out of her chair.

"No," Korsak said with a firm voice. Jane opened her mouth to protest, but the older detective interrupted her, "Jane, No! You can't be there during the autopsy. It's too much."

"Someone has to keep an eye on Pike."

"And someone will, but not you or me. You should go home Jane, get some rest, be with your family tonight. I'll go and notify David and Melanie that we found Josh's body."

Jane, took a deep breath and straightened her body, putting on a brave face. "No way you're going alone Vince, I'll go with you, they are my friends, I owe it to them."

Korsak gave a nod in agreement and they both made their way towards the elevator.

* * *

An hour later they where sitting in the living room with David and Melanie, Josh and Sammy's parents. They had been there for about fifteen minutes and were now getting up, to leave the parents to their grief.

"I'm so sorry guys." Jane was fighting back tears herself. She gave both of them a hug.

"Thank you, Jane." David said, "I'm glad it's you on this."

Jane looked at him and gave a sad reassuring smile.

"Please find Sam, Jane." Melanie pleaded.

"I will do everything I can," the brunette softly spoke.

"We will find whoever did this," Korsak reassured them both.

* * *

They closed the door behind them and got into the car. It took them longer to get back to the precinct then they wanted because they were in the middle of rush hour, Jane was nervously picking at the scars on her hands.

Both detectives were deep in thought until Jane's phone buzzed indicating an incoming text. "It's Frost," she said while reading the message, "Pike's done with the autopsy, we got a cause of death."

"What is it?"

"Complications from Anaphylaxis." Jane looked puzzled.

"He died from an allergic reaction? What from?"

"Don't know, they are still waiting for the tox screen to come back." Jane bit her bottom lip, staring outside.

Korsak observed Jane for a moment, "what are you thinking?"

"Vince, if he died from an allergic reaction, his death might have been accidental and - ."

"Sam might still be alive?" Korsak interrupted.

"Yea," for the first time since they found Josh that morning Jane had some hope. "Put on your lights and siren, lets hurry back to the precinct."

* * *

Everyone assigned to the case worked late into the night. It was around midnight when the elevator doors pinged and senior criminologist Suzie Chang entered the bullpen. She quickly made her way over to Frost's desk and gave him the toxicology reports. "Thank you, Suzie," he said tiredly while typing away on his computer. The detectives had been going over every possible scenario, trying to look at the case from all different angles. Jane was standing in front of the glass board in the middle of the bullpen, looking at the pictures of both Josh and Sam. Korsak stood a few feet behind her, he just finished spouting yet another theory. Jane turned around and looked at Korsak, all they had was theories. They had nothing concrete to go on. No leads.

"Interesting," Frost got up and gave Jane the toxicology report.

Jane grabbed the file from him and started reading, "morphine? He died from an allergic reaction to morphine? Why would anyone give him morphine?"

"Pain control?" Korsak shrugged his shoulders.

"Did he have any injuries on his body, anything that could indicate abuse or pain?"

Frost browsed through the autopsy report again. "Nothing to indicate any sort of abuse, no injuries."

"Then why use morphine?" Korsak scratched his head.

"So the perp abducted Josh and Sam, took them somewhere. Gave them morphine, Josh got an allergic reaction and died. Perp panicked and dumped the body, and -." She threw up her hands. "- nothing."

"Nothing on the security tapes around the crime scene." Frost now stood next to Jane.

"No physical evidence at the crime scene or on the body, but his clothes are still being processed." Korsak joined the other two detectives.

Frost glanced at Jane, she looked exhausted, he wished she would take a break, but knew better than to mention it to her. "Anyone that could have a bone to pick with one of the parents?"

"No, I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt David or Melanie." Korsak was sure of this. "They are good, honest, hard working people. Active in the community, always helping everyone. Not the kind of people that amass a lot of enemies."

Jane agreed with the older detective, there was no reason to go after the parents, but suddenly something dawned on her. "What about Rick, Korsak? Anyone that could want to hurt Rick by going through his family?"

"Rick retired before you became a homicide detective, Jane. That's an awful long time to hold a grudge and wait for revenge."

"Unless someone just got out of prison," Frost stated, "we can't rule it out."

"Ok, we got something to go on. Lets start comparing old cases, anyone that Rick put away that recently got out of prison. Any cases that involved morphine and any that involved people in the medical field. I'll be in the archives". Jane turned around and quickly walked away. She was waiting for the elevator to come, repeatedly pushing the button, when Korsak caught up with her. "You have to take a break Jane, it's 1 am, lay down, take a few hours and sleep. We'll get back to it in the morning."

"I can't Vince," she looked at him the pain vivid in her eyes, "I can't sleep until I know where Sammy is," and with that comment she stepped into the elevator, doors closing behind her.

The older detective let her go, he was worried about Jane. Whenever they got a case, Jane would work and work, most of the time foregoing food and sleep until they got the perp. At the end of a case she would be physically and emotionally exhausted. But now the victims were close to her, she would work herself even harder than usual. This was going to take a heavy toll on her, and he wasn't sure what to do to help her not work herself into the ground.

The only person that had any kind of influence on the brunette during a case was Maura, but she wasn't here to keep Jane in check. '_You picked a bad time to leave, doc_.' he sadly thought to himself.


	6. The Week Got Worse

Chapter 6

* * *

Jane had worked all through Tuesday night and far into Wednesday when she finally emerged from the archives. She had only stopped a few times briefly to grab some coffee, plus that morning she had taken a quick shower and changed her clothes. The rest of the time she had spend looking through every one of Rick's old case files.

There were a lot of cases to go through, Korsak's old partner Rick had been a detective for 40 years before he retired. Most of his cases where from before the digital age, so she had to go through each individual case manually. Both Frost and Korsak had helped her for several hours that night, sifting through box after box of files, but eventually they decided to split up and pursue different theories as well.

All detectives working the case had taken a break at some point during the night, they either had gone home, or slept for a few hours in one of the beds upstairs, everyone except for Jane. At some point she had lost count of the cups of coffee she had taken, it made her feel less tired, but also very wired.

She had now about a dozen cases that could possibly give them a lead. '_If it even has anything to do with Korsak's old partner at all. What if the kidnapping of the boys was random?_' Jane thought to herself. '_No, this wasn't random, I can feel it in my gut. Whoever is behind this, targeted them specifically_.'

* * *

Detectives Korsak and Crowe had gone back to talk to David and Melanie earlier in the day, to ask them a few more question. They didn't suspect anyone would want to hurt them deliberately, but they still had to go at this from every possible angle.

Detective Frost had taken Frankie with him back to the crime scene where Josh's body was found. They had a word again with the lady that found Josh's body. They also talked to local shop owners and residents, really anyone that could have possibly seen something to give them a clue to what happened.

But they still had no idea where Sam was, they had received no ransom note, no demands, no phone call, nothing. They were all getting very frustrated with the lack of leads.

* * *

Jane decided to check in the morgue and see if Dr. Pike had come up with anything else. She didn't like the guy and she didn't trust his skills. Pike had made so many mistakes in the past, she wondered why the guy never got fired yet. But she had to try and at least pretend to be nice if she wanted to get him to do anything for her. So she put on a smile and approached the door to the office, Maura's office, where Pike was sitting behind Maura's desk.

"Dr. Pike?" she said, fake smile plastered on her face.

"Detective Rizzoli," he said with a smug expression, "you look lovely as always."

She wanted to scream, but instead she clenched her fists and fought to stay calm. "Thank you," she said through clenched teeth, "did they finish processing Josh's clothes yet?"

"Yes, they did detective. I had Miss Chang bring up the report two hours ago. Did you not read it?", he looked over at her over his glasses, perched half way down his nose.

"My apologies, Dr. I haven't had a chance to go upstairs yet. Would you mind filling me in, please." she wanted to roll her eyes at him, actually she wanted to stick her fingers in his eye sockets, and -

"Of course I wouldn't mind detective." Pike briefly worked on his laptop before speaking again, "Hmm, nothing out of the ordinary. But we did find traces of Petroleum Naphtha on his clothes."

"In English, please."

"It's a hydrocarbon derived from crude oil," he gave Jane a condescending smirk.

"Like from an oil refinery?"

"Possibly."

"Ok, that's something. Anything else?"

"Ah yes, we did find a hair that did not belong to the victim, I am about to process the sample myself. I have invented a new way of testing it, I should have the results for you later today."

"A new way of testing? How about you just stick to the old way instead."

"Surely you are not telling me how to do my job, detective."

Jane just grunted at him.

"Rizzoli!" she heard behind her. She quickly turned around, getting slightly dizzy in the process. Lt. Cavanaugh was standing just outside of the door to Maura's office.

"Yes, sir." she made her way over to her boss.

"What are you still doing here. Go home, rest. I don't want to see you until tomorrow morning."

"Sir, I can't leave yet." Jane pleaded.

"Like hell you can't, Rizzoli. You're no good to anyone when you kill yourself working. Home. Now. That's an order."

"Yes, sir," she gave in. But instead of going straight home like she was ordered to do, she headed upstairs to the bullpen. She spotted Frost who had just returned with Frankie in tow. "Anything?", she asked him.

He shook his head, "the Lt. is looking for you."

"I know, he already found me."

"And you're still here? Girl you got guts."

She ignored the comment. "Frost, I narrowed it down to these case files, please find out anything you can about them and - "

"Rizzoli!" she heard the voice of her boss behind her.

"And call me when you get something", she quickly finished in a hushed tone.

She looked over at Cavanaugh, "I'm going."

* * *

An hour later she finally arrived at her apartment. She was glad she had decided to have Tommy pick up Jo Friday when she started working this case, now she didn't have to worry about taking care of her little furry friend. She kicked of her shoes, and looked in her fridge. Of course she had forgotten to get anything to eat, she could call for take out, but she really wasn't hungry. She settled on some cereal, thankfully the milk was still good, and sat down to eat.

A few bites in, she gave up, she wasn't hungry at all, her stomach protesting every bite she took. She threw out the rest of the food and made her way over to the couch instead, turning on the tv.

She knew she should be trying to sleep, but at this point she knew it was all but impossible for her. She quickly glimpsed at her watch, 7 pm, wondering at what time it would be acceptable for her to go back into work without pissing her boss off. Around 11 pm Jane finally passed out from exhaustion, a few hours later she started thrashing around in her sleep.

* * *

_She was at a crime scene, looking down at Josh's body. Maura was there next to the body, but when Jane knelt down next to her the blonde got up and walked away. "Where are you going, I need you here?" she said to the doctor._

_Maura just ignored her and walked towards a man standing in the distance, Ian, he enveloped the doctor in his arms and kissed her._

_Jane looked down back at Josh's body and moved closer to his face, he suddenly opened his eyes and spoke to her. "You're too late Jane, why didn't you safe me? If you were just a little smarter, you could have figured this out."_

_Jane wanted to respond, she opened her mouth, but no words came out. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again she was in a dark room._

_She saw a small light in the distance. she tried to get to it, but every time she got close, it would move further away. As soon as she stopped trying the light got closer to her. It was a dark figure holding a flash light. "Giving up so soon Jane?" the figure said. As the figure got closer to her she could see it was Sam, "Find me. You can't give up, I'll die if you do." Jane reach out her arms to grab a hold of Sam, but he kept moving backwards. Jane was bolted to the floor unable to move while Sam moved further and further away until he was engulfed in darkness. "Sam!" she screamed, "Sam!"_

* * *

Jane woke up with a scream, bathing in sweat, heart pounding and her breathing rapid. She quickly jumped up from her couch and ran to the bathroom where she emptied the contents of her stomach. She hadn't eaten much in the last few days, so she was mostly just dry heaving. When she finally calmed down enough to get up, she turned on the shower and removed her clothes. While she was standing under the hot shower, she let herself cry '_Maura, I need you_' she whimpered and slid to the floor.

Twenty minutes later she was out of the shower and dressed in her work clothes, her hair pulled in a loose pony tail. It was only 3am, but there was no way she would be able to fall back asleep again, she decided to give Maura a call.

* * *

It was a little before 10 am in Kampala, Uganda and Maura was sitting in an office at Mulago hospital. She was meeting with Ian's neurosurgeon, they had just sat down when her phone rang.

She looked at the number and realized it was Jane calling her. She didn't want to be rude to the surgeon, but she wasn't going to ignore the call either. "My apologies doctor, but I have to take this. I'll be just a quick moment" she said before getting up to answer her phone.

"Jane", she said.

"Hey," the brunette answered.

"You're up late. Are you ok?"

Jane wanted to share what happened with Maura, she needed the doctors strength. She wanted to hear Maura's positive outlook on things to offset the darkness in her own mind. But most of all she wanted Maura to be here with her in Boston, so the doctor could hold her for a little bit and tell her everything would be ok. But she wasn't here, and suddenly Jane didn't know if she wanted to share what she was feeling anymore.

"I- I couldn't sleep," she said.

"You sound tired, maybe - " she looked over at the surgeon who was starting to get impatient across the room. "Jane, can I call you back? I am in a meeting with Ian's neurosurgeon."

_'Of course you are',_ Jane thought, "Yea, whatever."

"Jane,"

"It's ok, Maura. I'm going back to sleep, I'll talk to you later." And Jane hung up the phone before Maura could answer.

Maura could tell by Jane's tone of voice it was definitely not ok, she wondered what was going on back home. But she couldn't call back at the moment and continue the conversation, not with an impatient surgeon that kept checking his watch. She would just have to call Jane back as soon as she could.

* * *

Around 6 am Korsak was the first to enter the squad room. He noticed Jane already sitting behind her desk, busy typing away on her computer, he took a moment to inspect her. She looked like death warmed over, her face was pale and the skin around her eyes was so dark it looked liked it was permanently tattooed there. He slowly walked over to her desk, as to not startle her. "Jane?", he softly spoke. She looked up from her screen and gave him a quick nod. "How long have you been here?"

She squinted her eyes, unsure if she should tell him the truth or not. "A few hours," she decided there was no point in lying, Korsak knew her too well.

"Did you sleep at all?" he tried.

"A bit", she said while leaning back from her desk, she stretched her arms above her head and cracked her neck, then returned to her work.

About an hour later Frost showed up to start his day. He looked at Jane and then at the older detective. Frost was about to say something to Jane when he saw Korsak shook his head at him not to make a comment. Frost understood and decided to just take his seat instead.

They all did their respective work for the next few hours, discussing their progress on the case when needed, when Suzie Chang made her way into the squad room. Jane was the first to spot her. She looked uncomfortable and Jane got a bad feeling.

Suzie looked around the room as if trying to decide who to talk to, finally deciding on Frost. "Detective Frost?"

"Yes", Frost looked up at her.

"I uh, …something went wrong with the DNA extraction of the hair we found on the victims clothes." she said fast, almost stringing the words together like one long word.

"WHAT?!" All three detectives jumped out of their seats.

"The uh, …hair we found, it got destroyed."

"Pike?" Jane asked. Suzie's nod was barely noticeable before she looked at the ground.

"Thank you, Suzie." Korsak dismissed the woman, he felt bad for her, she wasn't to blame, Pike didn't even have the guts to come up and tell them himself. Plus at the moment it was more important to hold back Jane from going down to the morgue to 'kill' Pike.

* * *

It was right at that moment that Jane's cell phone rang.

* * *

"Rizzoli." Jane snarled into the phone.

"Jane, it's me." Maura answered on her end, she was shocked by Jane's angry tone.

"What do _you_ want?"

Jane had lost all patience at that moment. She was going on 72 hours of non stop work, with about three hours of sleep and little to no food. With a case that was emotionally more difficult for her than any she's ever worked on before. And when she was looking for some support, the one time in the past couple of days she had reached out to Maura, she had all but blown her off. Her _girlfriend_ was half way across the world taking care of an old boyfriend. If Maura would have been here, doing her job, they wouldn't had to deal with Pike, and the only piece of evidence they had wouldn't be destroyed. All her frustration and anger from the past few days came bubbling up, and she had a difficult time trying to swallow it back.

"Jane what's wrong?" Maura asked concerned.

"What's wrong?" the brunette let out a sarcastic laugh, "what do _you_ think could possibly be wrong Maura?"

"I don't know Jane, talk to me." Maura was trying to calm Jane down, something that was difficult at times in person and pretty much impossible over the phone.

Jane took a deep breath, "come home Maura. You need to come home," she pleaded with the blonde.

"Jane, I can't come home. Not yet. Ian's going in for surgery tomorrow, I need to be here for that. I'll try - ." But Jane cut her off.

"Fine, I don't care. Do what you got to do."

"Jane?", Maura tried.

"I got to go."

"Jane, don't hang up please," Maura's voice cracked.

"Goodbye Maura", Jane closed her phone. She stood there staring at it for a moment, before she snapped and threw it against the wall where it fell to pieces.


	7. The Gut Feeling

Chapter 7

* * *

"Jane," Frost tried to reach the brunette, she was still staring at the same wall she had thrown her phone at in anger just moments ago. "Jane!," a little louder now.

The detective finally turned around and looked up at her partner, "What?" her voice sounded tight.

"You and me, lets go." Frost signaled for Jane to follow him.

"Where?"

"You'll see."

Frost stepped inside the elevator, Jane a few steps behind him. He pushed the button for the basement and Jane looked at him questioningly.

"No, we are not going to the morgue," he said, "although I wouldn't mind seeing you take your frustration out on Dr. Pike, I figured the gym would be a better option at the moment."

Jane gave her partner a look between annoyance and gratitude.

"Trust me," Frost tapped her shoulder, "you need this."

She knew she did, so she gave in.

After working the punching back for a solid 40 minutes, she finally felt a little calmer. Frost was right, she had needed this, if only to work out her anger until she could regain her composure, she didn't want to give Cavanaugh another reason to pull her of this case. Even though she was a little calmer now, she was still frustrated and angry. But she was going to use that anger to keep herself sharp and focused, she needed to keep it together.

After she took a shower, she made her way back up to the squad room.

"Better?" Korsak asked when he saw her take a seat at her desk.

"Yeah," she said.

Frost joined them a few minutes later, coffee and pastries in tow.

"Eat, drink," he said while pushing the items towards Jane.

Jane gave him a genuine smile and took the items offered. "Thanks, Frost." she took a sip from her coffee and smacked her lips in appreciation, "and you got the good coffee too. I think I'll keep you around."

Frost just smiled back at her, happy he was able to help his partner.

* * *

The rest of the day the three detectives worked diligently on the case. They were all going at the case from different angles, trying to find something that would lead them to Sam. Jane was still pursuing her angle, she was positive the kidnappings weren't random and that they had to have something to do with one of Rick's old cases. Rick had been Korsak's partner before Jane joined the force and the two had worked together for many years before Rick retired.

Jane had gone through stacks and stacks of case files the night before and had narrowed the search to about a dozen cases. She had spent the afternoon checking on all the old suspects, nothing had been a match so far.

All the suspects where either deceased or still in jail, she was almost out of options when she did a search on the last suspect.

"Hey Frost," she said, "look at this, half of this case file is blacked out." she reached over her desk to hand her partner the file.

"That's odd. Korsak, do you remember this case?"

The older detective got up and leaned up against Frost's desk while looking through the file.

"Hmmm, I do remember this case. This must have been about five years before Rick retired, I didn't work on it with him, but I remember the case. It was quite the mess; the perp was a serial killer that targeted young families. At some point they thought they cracked the case, they even had a suspect in custody that fit the profile in every way. But then the killings continued and they realized they had been pursuing the wrong target all along. They did finally catch a break and found the real killer. The night they caught up to him they pursued him into a cul-de-sac, he broke into a house and killed a mother and two boys before they could arrest him.

It was very high profile, with a lot of pressure from higher up. You've heard of Senator Barnett? It was his cousin's family that got killed last."

"What made you look into this file, Jane?" Frost wondered.

"The killer, it said he was a dentist. He used morphine to control his victims, before stabbing them to death. Except for the last family, he shot them in cold blood."

"Check to see if he's still in prison," Korsak said.

Frost typed away on the computer for a few seconds before pulling up the screen, "deceased, got killed in a prison riot almost 8 years ago. Another dead end."

Jane leaned on her hands looking back at the file, a small feeling pulling at her gut. "Vince, whatever happened to the Barnett guy, all the info pertaining to him and the last victims is blacked out. Do you remember his name?"

"Let me think, …Uhm, …Ray? No, that's not it." The older detective crunched up his face in thought, all of a sudden he pointed his finger in the air. "Got it, it's Roy! Roy Barnett."

"Frost, check to see what happened to Roy Barnett." Jane rolled her chair over next to Frost.

"You got a feeling?" Frost asked his partner, he pulled up the information on the screen. "It's protected. Why would this be protected?"

"Told you, senator's cousin." Korsak shook his head.

"Can you tap into it anyway Frost?" Jane looked at her partner expectantly.

"Does Korsak like donuts?" he smirked at her.

"Hey!," Korsak said, trying to look offended.

"I am going to take that as a yes." Jane said smiling back at Frost.

It took Frost a few minutes before he was able to open up the restricted file.

Jane got out of her seat and walked closer to the screen, reading the information. "Well that's interesting, Roy was released from a mental institution two months ago. Sure warrants a closer look don't you think? Can you access his patient files?"

"Already got them," Frost pulled them up on the screen, "look at this, Roy Barnett was being treated for a psychosis. He became delusional and paranoid after his family got killed."

"Why did they release him?" Korsak was reading the rest of the files trying to figure it out, "hmmm, he was declared stable and ready to be part of society again."

"Or," Jane said, "he just made them think that he was stable."

* * *

When Jane hung up on her, Maura had immediately tried to call back, but it had gone straight to voice mail. She had briefly considered calling either Korsak or Frost to see what was going on, but decided to hold of on that for now, she didn't want to put them in the middle. She would just have to keep calling until Jane answered the phone and try to get her to talk. Maura was confused; she didn't understand the drastic change in attitude from Jane.

Of course she knew the brunette was angry with her, she wasn't stupid, she knew she screwed up by leaving Boston the way she did. But she had spoken to her earlier that day, and Jane had sounded fine, tired yes, but fine.

But now she had sounded so, well, out of control really. Maura tried to make sense of it all but she couldn't. Sometimes the doctor still had trouble with certain social situations and it was hard to read people over the phone. If she could've seen Jane's facial expressions, maybe she would have understood. She felt utterly miserable and worried, what was going on in Boston?

After trying Jane's number repeatedly for the next hour and a half, and leaving several messages with the brunette, Maura finally decided to give up for now and try again tomorrow. It was close to midnight and she had to be back at the hospital early the next morning; Ian's surgery was scheduled for 8 a.m. and she had to be nearby in case of emergency. She knew she probably wouldn't be able to sleep tonight anyway, but she had to try.

* * *

The next morning Maura was sitting in the waiting room at Mulago Hospital. Ian was about two hours into a possible four hour surgery, and so far there had been no complications. If the surgery was successful Ian could possibly wake up on his own in the next few days. If the surgery turned out to be a failure, there was a big chance he would never wake up again. So today was important, and Maura hoped for the best.

She tried to distract herself by reading one of her medical texts, but it proved to be all but impossible. Her mind kept returning to Jane and the phone call the day before. Jane still hadn't returned her calls and Maura didn't know what else to do. She wanted to return home, today, if she could. But she had made her decision to come here and take care of things, she couldn't leave just yet, she would at least have to see it through for the next few days. It wasn't like she wanted to be here.

She wished she could call Angela, but the vibrant Italian woman was still visiting with her cousin for a few more days, she would have no idea what was going on with Jane at the moment, and she didn't want to worry the woman either. She already dismissed calling Frost and Korsak the night before. Maybe Frankie would know what was going on, him and his sister were so close though, she wasn't sure if she should call him behind Jane's back. Maura rubbed her face in frustration.

She got up from her chair and decided to find herself some coffee and maybe something to eat, as she was standing at the vending machine trying to decide which snack would be the healthier choice, Ian's surgeon entered the room.

"Dr. Isles", he said with a neutral voice.

"Doctor," Maura answered the man trying to gauge if he came bringing good or bad news.

"It's good news Dr. Isles, the surgery was a success. We were able to go in and relieve the pressure on the brain without doing any further damage. If no complications arise Mr. Faulkner is expected to come out of his coma on his own. Although as you know with injuries like these it's hard to give an exact time line, but anywhere from one to three days is normal. We'll just have to wait and see."

"Thank you, doctor," Maura said relieved, giving the doctor a small smile, "that's good news indeed. How about the damage already done to his brain?"

"Thankfully it was not as extensive as we originally thought, it looks good, I believe that with some therapy he should be able to make a full recovery. Unfortunately we can't be a hundred percent sure at the moment, not until Mr. Faulkner wakes up and we can assess him further."

Maura and Ian's surgeon spoke for a few more minutes before he had to go back to his patient.

* * *

In Boston it was now Friday afternoon and the detectives were still at a dead end. Even though they had a working theory there was still no progress in the case. Sam had been missing for more than five days now, and things were looking grim. The chances for a kidnap victim to survive past the first day are very small, to survive for more than a week, is pretty much non existent. Frost and Jane had run around Boston that morning, trying to find Roy Barnett, but the guy was pretty much MIA. They went up to his house, but there was no answer. Jane had a feeling they were being observed, but when she looked back at the house there was nothing to see.

Korsak had been trying to get a warrant to search Mr. Barnett's properties, he just came back from his latest attempt.

"No luck, Judge McAllister will not sign the warrant." Korsak dropped down into his chair.

Jane just lowered her head, not sure what to say to this.

"Judge said there isn't enough evidence to justify a search warrant, and she's right." Korsak let out a heavy sigh.

"We'll just find another Judge", Jane's voice was no more than a growl at this point.

Korsak shook his head, "There is no judge in the state of Massachusetts that will sign a warrant with what we got. We tried, we contacted everyone we knew, Judge McAllister was our last option, and even she won't sign it. It's just not enough. We need evidence."

"I know this guy has something to do with it Korsak. I can feel it."

"I know, Jane. Unfortunately they don't sign warrants on hunches, or gut feelings."

Jane gave him an angry look, before looking away. She was biting on one of her nails while turning her chair slowly. "We need to find something, there has to be some evidence we can use."

"I guess we can talk to Pike again." Korsak offered.

"Well, you go talk to Pike, old man. I am not going down there again," she was still furious with that man, she wanted to hurt the arrogant M.E.. "And make sure to remind him again, that he screwed up, he destroyed the one piece of evidence we had with his '_new' _and '_better'_ way of '_testing_'. He better come up with something. Or so help me, I'll make sure he'll never work again."

Korsak got up to go down to the morgue, but before he reached the door, Cavanaugh appeared outside of his office. "Hold on Korsak, Rizzoli and Frost, all of you, in my office."

All three detectives looked at each other questioningly, wondering what was going on. They quickly filed into their boss' office.

Cavanaugh cleared his throat, "I just got off the phone with the mayor. One of you care to explain why you are investigating one of the senators family members? And hacking into restricted files?"

Frost, Korsak and Jane looked at each other, knowing they were in trouble.

"We think he might have something to do with Sam's kidnapping." Korsak was the first to speak.

"Do you have any evidence of that?" Cavanaugh asked.

"Well, no, not yet, but it fits the profile", Frost said and explained to his boss what they got so far, and why Roy Barnett was their suspect.

Cavanaugh took a moment to think, he looked at his detectives trying to decide what to do. He trusted their instincts, but his hands were tied.

"I've been ordered to take you three off this case, and there will be an investigation from IA, you can't just hack into restricted files like that without repercussions."

Jane looked at Frost in shock, she felt guilty, she asked him to hack into those files and now her partner might be in serious trouble.

"I am assigning this case to Detective Crowe," Cavanaugh held up his hands to stop the protests, "dismissed."

All three detectives made their way outside of the Lt.'s office.

Korsak made his way back to his desk, but Jane motioned her head to Frost for him to follow her. "Just going for some coffee, you want some Korsak?" the brunette asked.

"Ah yes," Frost said, "I'll join you."

"Nothing for me, thanks." Korsak said.

When Frost and Jane stood in the elevator, Jane pushed the button for the first floor.

"I know we need to hand everything over to Crowe, but could you make me a digital copy of the files first?"

"I can, but you heard Cavanaugh, Jane. We're off the case."

"I know, and I'm sorry, I don't want to get you in anymore trouble what with the hacking and all, but my instincts say this is the guy, Barry. I can't just let this go."

Frost scrutinized his partner for a few seconds, then nodded his head. "I'll put it on a flash drive for you, but be careful, Jane."

The brunette gave him a small smile, "always."

* * *

On Saturday afternoon Maura still hadn't heard back from Jane, so she decided to give Angela a call.

"Maura!", Angela's high pitched voice said when she picked up, "it's so good to hear from you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Angela."

Angela was enthusiastically telling Maura about her visit with her cousin Theresa for several minutes, before Maura finally managed to interrupt her.

"Angela, have you spoken to Jane yet?"

"No, I just got in right before you called. Why?"

"Well, - " Maura closed her eyes while she told Angela about the last phone call she had with Jane, - and she hasn't returned any of my calls ever since. I'm worried and I don't know what to do anymore."

"I'll try and give her a call for you. I'll call you back later and let you know what she says, ok? Don't worry Maura, everything will be fine."

'_I hope so_', Maura thought sadly.

* * *

Soon after she got off the phone with Angela, Maura received a phone call from the hospital, Ian had woken up.

When she arrived at the hospital the doctors had just finished assessing him for any possible brain damage, they had put him through a battery of tests but so far he seemed to be ok.

Maura had waited outside the room while the doctors were working on him, the last person had now finally left and she entered the room.

"Maura…? Is that you?" His voice sounded rough from not being used.

"Yes, Ian, it's me. How are you feeling?"

"Could…could I have some water?"

Maura got some water and helped him drink it. Ian pulled away, indicating he had enough.

"You're here", he said, "how long have you been here?"

"Almost a week", she said.

Ian closed his eyes obviously tired; he tried to open them again.

"Go back to sleep for now, I'll be back in the morning. We will talk then."

So he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

When Maura got back to her hotel room she noticed she had a missed call, she checked the voice mail to listen to the message. '_Maura, it's Angela. I haven't spoken to Jane yet, but I did speak to Tommy. He is taking care of Jo Friday for her, and last he heard Jane was fine. So don't worry. And if she makes it to dinner tomorrow, I will see if I can get her to give you a call. Ok? Bye honey, be safe, I'll talk to you soon.'_


	8. The Detective Finds Trouble

Chapter 8

* * *

Since they were pulled of the case Frost and Korsak had gone to the Dirty Robber for a drink, but Jane had declined. The detective had taken the flash drive Frost had given her and gone home where she had read and reread Barnett's file for the past hour. So far it had not been very enlightening and all she really learned was that Barnett had suffered a severe psychotic break after his family got killed. The brunette leaned her head back on the couch. '_What am I missing?_'

She grabbed her laptop again and opened an internet browser, she typed 'Barnett' in the search engine.

A couple of thousand results popped up. She scanned through them one by one, it was mostly political stuff about senator Barnett with very little information about the rest of the family. She almost closed her laptop when she spotted a link, '_The Barnett's Family Fortune_'. "hmmm," she mumbled quietly to herself. "most of the family has their money tied up in oil. No big shocker there."

She got up and walked to the kitchen, she grabbed a beer from the fridge, opened it and moved the bottle to her lips to take a sip; suddenly something pulled at her mind. '_Oil, why does that sound like it's important all of a sudden._ She pulled up Josh's autopsy report again and started reading it, '_that's it, they found Petroleum Naphtha on Josh's clothes. Pike said it had something to do with oil refinery.'_

She did another search online to see if the Barnett family owned any oil refineries in or around the city of Boston. She found several, most them still in active use near the harbor and one that was recently shut down right outside of Lynn city, in the area of Nahant Bay.

She considered calling Frost or Korsak to share the news with them, but she knew this was all still just circumstantial evidence, not enough for a warrant, especially not with a family like the Barnetts. Plus she had been taken of the case and this wasn't enough to get her back on it, it would just irk her boss more at the moment.

She went back and forth in her head trying to decide what to do next. She knew it was a bit of a long shot, but she had to check it out. Decision made she got up, put on her jacket and got in her car. While sitting in her car she figured if Roy had taken Sam, he would probably not keep him in a high traffic area, so no buildings that were still being actively used; he would take him somewhere secluded, somewhere outside of town. Most likely the one near Lynn City. She would just have to start her search there.

* * *

Jane drove on the highway heading out of town, she took the exit she needed and took the side roads. She drove for about twenty minutes and had not seen another car for the last ten, eventually she saw the sign for the street that would lead her to the warehouse. She turned her car onto the narrow road and shut her head lights off. She stopped a few hundred feet away from the building and parked her car in the darkness out of sight, then turned off the engine.

She silently sat there and watched the warehouse, it had been snowing since earlier that day, and without the heater on she was increasingly getting colder and had already started to shiver a little, she rubbed her hands together to try and warm them. She knew she wouldn't be able to sit still here for very long, but she had to take a few more minutes to scope out her surroundings.

She knew she should leave, she shouldn't have come by herself at all. '_But what if Sam is there right now. The place looks deserted, I can just take a quick look around and if he's there I'll call for back up_'.

"Oh crap", she said to herself out loud. She felt like she had no choice, she had to see if Sam was there. So she got out of her car, pulled out her gun, and slowly made her way over to the building.

When she got closer to the structure, she circled around out to the back, and quietly tried the door there. It gave way, and she silently made her way inside. It was completely dark inside, only a little moonlight filtered through the windows. She raised her gun in front of her and started moving forwards. '_great idea, Jane. Just head down into the creepy building by yourself_.'

She had almost made it to the other side of the hallway, when she heard a noise behind her, she quickly turned around, gun raised, but she was too late. Whack! a solid object impacted with the side of her face, she fell to the ground. Whack! It hit her in the side, then she felt it hit her back. Whack! Finally she felt it connect with the back of her head and everything went black.

* * *

Maura woke up startled, she sat up straight in bed. She had been dreaming about Jane but she couldn't quite remember what it was about. She got up out of bed and put on her robe, she checked her watch, 4:30 a.m..

Maura was feeling very uneasy, she knew it was silly to feel this unsettled after a dream that she couldn't even really remember, but she couldn't help feeling as if something was wrong.

She grabbed her phone and dialed Jane's number, straight to voicemail, again. She hadn't really expected Jane to pick up, but she had hoped that she would, she really needed to hear the brunette's voice.

* * *

Jane slowly came back to consciousness, her head was hurting and she tried to move her hand to touch her face, but she was unable to move her arm. Next she tried to move her legs but they were stuck as well.

She slowly opened her eyes and became aware of her situation. She was in a mostly dark room, lying on the floor on her side, hands tied behind her back and her legs and feet were taped together with duct tape.

She tried to move her head to look around the room, but quickly held still as dizziness and pain overtook her. The detective tried to access her injuries, '_arms and legs seem fine_, _except that I can't move them and I definitely have a concussion_', she thought as she winced trying to look to the other side. The brunette tried to take a deep breath, but it was interrupted when pain coursed through her chest. '_and a few bruised or broken ribs_'.

She was struggling to stay conscious, she wanted to give in to the weary feeling and go to sleep. But she needed to get out of here.

She stayed quiet and let her eyes get used to the darkness around her. Gradually she became aware of the presence of another person in the room, yes, it definitely sounded like someone was there with her, breathing. Very gently she moved her head to the right as not to make herself dizzy again; squinting her eyes she could see a form across the room but she couldn't quite make it out yet. She tried to wiggle herself closer, but the pain and dizziness became so intense she passed out again.

* * *

Maura had been unable to go back to sleep, therefore she had gotten up early and was now back at the hospital. Ian was already awake and a lot more alert then the day before, his expression brightened as soon as she entered his room.

"You are a sight for sore eyes," he smiled at her.

Maura politely smiled back at him. "How are you feeling today?" She moved into the chair next to his bed.

"Better, especially now you are here."

"I am glad to see you're doing better," she smiled again briefly.

Ian moved a little to one side, and reached for her hand, soon as he got a hold of it, he tried to pull her into a hug.

"Ian, don't." Maura said, quickly removing herself from his arms.

"What? Why not?", he said, wondering why Maura was being so short and distant with him.

Maura sat back in her chair, "Ian, I know this isn't the best time to have this conversation, but we really need to talk."

"O-oh," he said as a half joke.

"I am not really sure where to start," she paused briefly to get her thoughts straight, she didn't want to hurt Ian, but she had to make it clear to him that things had changed since the last time she saw him.

"Ian, we've known each other for a long time, and you know I've always been there for you when you needed me. You would come into my life whenever you felt like it and we would have a good time together, but you always left. There were so many times I wished you would have stayed, but you never did. I would be hurt, pick up the pieces and move on. Until the next time you decided to stop by."

Ian now looked down, shifting uncomfortably.

"It's ok, Ian. I am not looking for an apology. I don't blame you, I let you hurt me. I let you back into my life, every time, knowing you would eventually leave again, it's who you are. And for a long time it was enough for me. I guess I thought I didn't deserve any better."

"So why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I need you to understand that it won't happen again, I can't be this person for you anymore, the person you can come to whenever you feel like it."

"You want more?" he asked.

Maura shook her head no. "No, Ian, I don't want more from you."

Ian looked confused now.

"I am not making this very clear, am I." Maura looked into his eyes. "What I am trying to tell you, is that I have fallen in love with someone. I have fallen in love with my best friend. I can never be there for you anymore."

"What if I wanted you to still be there for me? What if I wanted to fight for you?"

"Oh Ian, it would be no competition, I will always choose her."

"Her?"

"Yes, you remember Jane."

"I do," Ian's gaze darkened a little. "I remember her." Then he looked up at her, hope in his eyes, "but you came here, you flew out here, for me."

Maura nodded, "I did, and it might have cost me more than I care to admit. I came here because you are still my friend, and you needed help, I couldn't just abandon you here, but that's all it was. I am sorry if this hurts, I just want to be honest with you."

Maura had said what she wanted to say and she felt relieved. "I _am_ glad you are doing better, Ian, I wish you nothing but the best in life."

"You are leaving?"

"You are awake now, and I need to go home, I am leaving on the first flight available. Oh and Ian? There's one more thing I need you to do for me."

"What?"

She got up grabbed her bag and retrieved a manila envelope from it, "I really hope you never get injured like this again, but either way I need you to find yourself a new medical agent on your power of attorney. I can't be the person to make these kinds of decisions for you. I got the papers and a pen right here," she handed him the items and sat back down in her chair, motioning with her hand, "go ahead, I'll wait while you fill them out."

After she made sure everything was now in order, she got up, moved over to Ian and grabbed his hands. "I am going to go now, I truly hope you will continue to recover quickly so you can get back to doing what you love the most." she released his hands and moved towards the door, looking back one more time. "Goodbye, Ian, take care of yourself."

* * *

**A/N: Told you it wasn't going to be a Maura/Ian story. ;)**

**As always, thank you for reading. If you can take a few seconds and leave a review, it makes me smile and more important it's very encouraging. Lets see if we can make it to 100.**


	9. The Search For Jane

Chapter 9

* * *

Jane didn't know how many hours had passed since she was last conscious, the room was lighter than it had been before, so she reasoned it must be sometime during the day. She was still tied up and her arms and legs felt uncomfortable and stiff from being immobile; she flexed her muscles trying to improve circulation and it helped to relief the discomfort, marginally. Her head and ribs were still hurting her just as much if not more than the night before, plus she felt feverish and nauseated. Her vision was slightly blurred and she closed her eyes a few times, trying to focus them. It helped a little, enough to take in the room around her.

She was laying on her left side, face towards the wall, she pushed herself over so she could first lay on her back before moving on her right side. A few feet away from her she could make out a bed, but it was difficult to see anything else from her angle on the ground. She pushed herself backwards until she was flush up against the wall and than used all of her strength to slide her body into a sitting position against it. She quickly realized that sitting upright was a bad idea, she closed her eyes again, waiting for the pain and dizziness to subside. She slowly opened them and looked at the bed on the other side of the room, noticing the figure laying on top of it. '_Sam_'.

* * *

"Sam", she tried but her voice was barely above a whisper, she cleared her throat and tried again. "Sam, wake up buddy!" The boy didn't even stir. Jane looked at the bed, it reminded her of a hospital bed; she let her eyes scan over Sam's body, trying to determine if he was injured. She noticed the IV hooked up to his arm and the bag attached to it, slowly dripping, '_must be some sort of sedative_', she thought, '_at least he's alive_.' She was trying to stay conscious and figure a way out of her predicament. She berated herself for going inside without back up; what was she thinking.

The worst thing was, nobody would know she was missing, it was Sunday and she wasn't scheduled to go into work till Tuesday; not after the long week she had. Maybe her mom would check up on her if she didn't show up for family dinner, but was she even back from visiting Theresa yet? They hand't made any definite plans for dinner, she had barely even spoken to her mother since Maura left. '_Maura_', she thought sadly. Had it only been one week since Maura left town, left her? She wondered what the honey blonde doctor was up to today, probably sitting at Ian's bedside waiting for him to wake up so they can life happily together in Africa. Jane pushed away the negative thoughts, she wasn't making any sense, her fever was starting to make her a little delusional. Maybe she should just lay back down and close her eyes for a little, it was so tempting, she was so tired.

* * *

Angela was busy making dinner in Maura's kitchen. She had left messages with all her children and detectives Korsak and Frost to come to Sunday night dinner, she figured it would be nice for Jane to have her co-workers there tonight, maybe Maura's absence wouldn't be as noticeable. She hoped Jane would show up a little earlier so she could talk to her daughter and see what was going on with her.

Tommy was the first to arrive at the house, he had taken Jo Friday with him and put the little mutt on the ground before walking over to Angela and giving her a kiss on the cheek, "hey ma, welcome back."

"Good to be back," Angela smiled, "I had a good time, but it's nice to be home," she pointed at Jo, "you still taking care of Jo?"

"Yeah, I haven't gotten a hold of Jane yet, figured she can take her back tonight." Tommy sat in the living room and put on the tv to watch the baseball game.

"I haven't spoken to your sister either, not since I came back. I tried calling her but it goes straight to voicemail."

"She's probably sleeping and turned her phone off," he smirked, "or she forgot to charge it again."

Angela smiled, '_wouldn't be the first time_.'

An hour later Frankie showed up at the house, he took off his shoes and joined his brother on the couch.

"Ma," he yelled towards the kitchen, "is Jane here yet?"

"Not yet," came the response.

Frankie frowned, he was worried about his sister. He had barely spoken to her this week, not since they had found Josh's body on Monday. He had run into her a few times at the precinct during the week, but she had been too busy to stand still for long and really talk to him. She had looked exhausted though.

Frankie had heard through the grapevine at work that Frost, Korsak and Jane had been taken of the case Saturday afternoon and he knew this had to be difficult for his sister.

Frost and Korsak showed up within minutes of each other about half an hour before dinner time. They were surprised that Jane wasn't there yet, they had expected the brunette to sit with her brothers on the couch watching the game, but they weren't too worried, Jane had a habit of being a little late on occasion.

They usually ate dinner at 6pm on Sunday, and it wasn't until 6:40pm that they were starting to get concerned.

"Has anyone spoken to Jane since last night?" Korsak asked.

Everyone shook their head no.

"I am going over to her apartment," Frankie got up out of his chair, "something is not right here."

"I'll go with you," Frost said.

And both of them got into Frankie's car and drove to Jane's apartment.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later they were standing in front of Jane's apartment, banging on her door. When they received no answer, Frankie used his key and opened the door. They quickly checked all the rooms, but the apartment was dark and empty. "Nothing," Frankie said, he was increasingly getting more worried about his sister.

"Her car is gone as well," Frost said, "call your mom, tell her to call us the minute Jane shows up and have her send Korsak this way."

"On it," Frankie said before walking to the kitchen to call his mom.

In the mean time, Frost sat down on Jane's couch, '_where are you Jane?_'

* * *

Jane woke up to someone shaking her, she had fallen asleep perched up against the wall and was now being rudely awakened.

"Wake up, officer," a voice told her, shoving her again.

"Detective," she mumbled.

She felt a hard slap against her face. Jane winced but opened her eyes, taking in the form in front of her. '_Roy_!'

"Look who's finally awake," Roy said tilting his head to the right and giving her an insincere smile.

Jane took in the man in front of her, he was an unremarkable looking individual. His hair was dark with a little gray at the sides, average build and height, with no distinctive facial features. Roy was exactly the type of person you would pass on the street and never give another look or thought. However if someone would pause and give Roy a closer look they would notice the hazy look in his grey eyes; as did Jane, she realized the disconnected look in Roy's eyes probably indicated he was in the middle of a psychotic episode. She wasn't an expert, but she had seen the look before, several times actually.

Even though Roy appeared calm, she knew it was deceiving, she had to be very careful here.

"Detective," he said in a sing song voice, "well that's a treat, isn't it."

Jane stayed quiet.

"The Boston Police Department?" he asked.

Jane nodded.

"What department do you work for, '_detective'_?" he said almost spitting out the last word.

Jane stayed quiet, and Roy grabbed her by her hair, pulling it backwards, aggravating the pain and dizziness in her head. "I asked you a question, '_detective_'," he snarled.

"Homicide," she rasped.

Roy let go of her hair, "very good. Let's play a little game, shall we?", he walked over and stopped next to Sam who was still out cold on the bed. "A game, not unlike the one you '_detectives_' played that got my kids killed. But," he held up his finger, "if you play the game well, maybe _this_ kid will survive. Are you up for it, '_detective'_?"

"Do with me what you want, but please, let Sam go, he's just an innocent kid," Jane begged.

"NO!," Roy yelled, "I never had a choice and neither will you."

Roy touched the IV that was hooked up to Sam's arm and shut off the drip.

"I'll be back soon, '_detective'_. You can go back to sleep now, you'll need your rest for later." And he left the room.

* * *

Forst and Korsak were still at Jane's apartment. They had send Frankie back to take care of his mom and to keep them posted if they heard anything from Jane.

Frost was looking through the papers on Jane's coffee table

"I put out a BOLO on her car," Korsak said as he was closing his phone, "where could she possibly be, it's not like we have a case at the moment."

Frost met Korsak 's eyes looking regretful.

"What?" the older detective asked.

"This is going to sound bad, but I'm pretty sure Jane is still working the same case."

"The one we are not supposed to work? Damnit Frost, what are you not telling me?"

Frost looked down at his feet, "When the Lt. took us off yesterday, Jane asked me to make her digital copies of all the files. I told her to be careful, I didn't think it could hurt."

Korsak rubbed his forehead with his hands, "I knew this would happen, I knew she couldn't just let this go."

"You think she found something? Why wouldn't she call us if she did?" Frost asked.

"Knowing Jane she probably didn't want to get yelled at by the Lt. before she found real evidence."

"But why not call us, or me, she knows I would listen to her." Frost sounded frustrated.

"Does she even have her phone? Last I remember she threw it at the wall."

Frost just realizing this, never felt so stupid.

"Well, we have to retrace her steps. I'll look through these papers again, maybe she made some notes and you," Korsak pointed at Jane's laptop, "you do your thing with that."

* * *

It was only 4am in the morning, but Maura was already awake. She had booked her flight back to Boston and she was supposed to leave for the airport in 3 hours; she still had to finish some of her packing, but otherwise she was ready to go.

She was so glad this trip was almost over, to be away from everyone and everything she knew and loved had been more difficult than she imagined and it had only been one week.

Maura was glad Ian was going to be ok, he was after all her friend, but now since he was awake and perfectly able to make his own decisions, there was no reason for her to stay. Ian had looked a little confused when she went into her little speech yesterday, but she was pretty sure he understood what she meant.

Maura doubted she would ever see Ian again, but she was ok with that, it didn't make her feel sad. It wasn't like she regretted the time she had spend with him in the past but he had no place in her future.

The blonde doctor smiled thinking she would see Jane again in less than a day.

She needed to talk to the brunette and tell her she was coming home. '_It's only 9pm on Sunday night in Boston, the game should have just ended and they should all still be at my house for family dinner. If I call now surely someone could get Jane on the phone for me,'_ she thought.

The phone only rang once when Angela picked up. "Hello?", Angela sounded frightened.

"Angela, it's Maura. What's wrong?"

"Oh Maura," Angela started to cry.

"Angela", Maura could feel her throat tighten up and she swallowed before speaking again, "tell me what's going on."

"It's Jane," another sob.

"What happened with Jane?" Maura was panicking now.

"Jane - Jane's missing."

That's the moment when Maura could feel her world come crashing down.


	10. The Psychopath's Game

Chapter 10

* * *

"Jane!" a voice in the distance said. "Jane, wake up. Please, wake up," the voice pleaded.

Jane felt groggy, her fever had gotten worse in the last few hours and the pain in her head had increased. She hazily looked around the room until her eyes connected with someone else's across the room. Sam was awake, he was restrained to the bed, but alert.

"Ssa-", her voice was barely audible, she swallowed a few times before trying again, "- Sam…Are you ok?"

"I-I think so. Where are we?" Sam looked at her fear evident in his eyes. "I'm scared", he said in a small voice.

It broke Jane's heart to see the kid like this, "I know you're scared, but everything is going to be fine, ok? We will get out of here," she tried to give him her most reassuring look.

"Josh is dead," Sam whispered, he looked up at the ceiling.

"I know, I'm so sorry bud." Jane was trying to hold back her tears. "Do you remember what hap-.

They were interrupted when the door opened up again and Roy stepped back into the room, "sorry to interrupt, but it's time for some fun." Jane noticed Roy was holding a gun in his right hand, her own gun she realized.

"I am surprised," he started, "I thought it would take the Boston Police Department a lot longer to find me. I actually figured I would have to start calling in some tips to put you guys on the right track. I guess you are smarter than the average detective aren't you?"

"Why are you doing this? Jane asked"

"Why? Revenge, of course. I wanted to get to the detectives that were in charge when my kids got killed. Unfortunately one is already dead. But the other, I wanted him to feel what it's like to have someone you love taken away from you."

His voice briefly took on a tone of conspiracy like he was sharing a big secret, "did you know he got a recommendation for catching the killer? His incompetence cost me everything and he got a recommendation," Roy let out a short laugh. "I was really hoping that he would be the one to come knocking at my door, but alas it was you," he shrugged his shoulders, "You'll do."

He leaned right next to her face. "Have you ever felt intense pain detective? Intense physical pain?", he raised the gun in his hand and pressed it against her shoulder, "now I am going to ask you a question, if you answer wrong I will hurt you, if you answer correctly, well, I'll just ask another question. You ready? Oh, and one more thing, if you refuse to answer, I'll just hurt the kid instead."

Jane exchanged a look with Sam trying to reassure him, she was trying to convey with her expression for Sam to close his eyes.

"Again, are you ready detective?"

Jane gave a small nod.

"Good." Roy smiled widely. "This is going to be so much fun."

"First question, true of false -

* * *

Korsak had spent about fifteen minutes looking through all the papers on Jane's coffee table, he hadn't found anything new that would point them in Jane's direction. At the same time Frost was looking through Jane's laptop, he was having a difficult time finding anything because of the privacy program the brunette had installed, it deleted all traces of history soon as the internet browser closed. There was a way to reverse the process, but it was a cumbersome and long process.

"Did you find anything yet?" Frost asked the older detective.

"Nothing new, these are the same files we've been looking at for days. Any luck with her laptop?"

"Not yet, she's using the same privacy program Dr. Isles got us all for Christmas last year. I can try to restore the history, but it's going to take time." Frost said still typing away on the laptop.

"Time," Korsak shook his head somberly, "we might not have time."

* * *

Jane was starting to feel increasingly confused. Roy had injected her with something a few minutes ago, and she felt like she was losing her connection to reality.

"Wha - what did you give me?" she croaked.

"Oh, just a little deliriant. Don't worry, it won't kill you," he sat down on the floor next to Jane with his back up against the wall acting casual. "During my stay at the institution I developed quite the knowledge on the effects of different kinds of drugs. This one should be fun, it will make you a little delirious but it's totally safe. Unless you have a heart condition, you don't have a heart condition, do you detective?"

"S - Stop" Jane was having a hard time forming coherent thoughts let alone speak, she wanted to stay strong but it was getting increasingly harder to fight. Part of her just wanted to give up, but she couldn't do that, not when Sam was still alive.

She was almost thankful when Roy had restarted the IV drip on Sam; at least the kid wasn't aware of what was happening anymore. She had tried to stay quiet when Roy broke her first finger, but when he shot her in the leg she couldn't stop herself from crying out in pain. Sam would be traumatized for life and she felt like it was her fault.

The drugs were starting to take their full effect on her brain now and Jane was starting to hallucinate. She could still hear Roy talk, but she couldn't see him anymore.

* * *

Maura was sitting at the airport waiting for her plane to start boarding. After she had gotten of the phone with Angela she had sat on her bed in a daze unable to move or think. All that was going through her head was the echo of Angela's words '_Jane is missing.'_

When she finally recovered from the initial shock she called Detective Korsak but he hadn't been able to give her more information on the brunette's whereabout, they had no idea where she was. He had been able to fill in some of the blanks of what happened in the past week. Maura now understood Jane's erratic behavior, but knowing the 'why' didn't make her feel any better, it made her feel utterly miserable. It wasn't rational but she felt like she had let Jane down by not being there to support her. She didn't like to play the 'If only' game, Maura Isles did not hypothesize, but today she couldn't help it. If only she hadn't left, -. Maura leaned her head in her hands, tears falling down her face. The flight home was going to be excruciating, fourteen hours of pure agony.

* * *

Frost and Korsak had gone back to the precinct, half the police force had been called in, one of their own was missing and everyone was hard at work.

"Anything new?" Cavanaugh asked while entering the squad room.

"A traffic cam picked up her car going north on the 1A," Korsak said.

"That's something, let me know when you find anything else," the Lt. said while going back into his office.

Korsak returned to his files.

"Korsak, look. I think I got something. "Frost waved the older detective over," I finally restored part of the history on Jane's laptop. The last thing she looked at was a list of oil refineries in the Boston area." he pointed at the screen, "and look at that, The Barnett's own quite a few of them. You think she went to check them out?"

Korsak looked deep in thought before nodding, "it's as good a lead as anything else we got. Can we narrow it down? She was traveling on the 1A going North."

"Hmmm, she looked up the directions for three of them. Two are just north of town near the harbor and one is located about ten miles straight up the coast just outside of Lynn City."

"Okay, lets call it into S.W.A.T., we'll check out all three locations," Korsak had already grabbed his jacket and headed for the elevators. '_hold on Jane_.'

* * *

A/N: A few readers asked me if Jane was going to be raped, my answer is a big fat HELL NO! Rape and deliberate cheating are two things I will never write about.

Now that's out of the way, what did you think about the chapter? I did say it was going to be a little darker. Since both this one and the next chapter are fairly short I will post it tomorrow (Tuesday).

Reviews are like cookies in the way that I like them, a lot.

And just something funny I was thinking about last night.

Jane's 'beards' on the show are called Casey Jones and Gabriel (moobs) Dean, right? So that would make her Jane Jones or Jane Dean? Made me laugh. Jane Rizzoli-Isles sounds so much nicer. ;)


	11. The Rescue

Chapter 11

* * *

Roy had been pacing around the room all the while talking to himself. He was waiting for the drugs to take their full effect on Jane's mind, and then he planned to continue. She was strong, much stronger than he would have thought which made this all even better.

"Maura," Jane whispered in a low voice.

Roy stopped pacing and looked down at his prisoner. '_What did she say?_'

"Maura," Jane whispered again in a low agonized voice.

He sat down next to the detective on the floor and listened to her talking in her delirious state with a glint in his eyes and a small smile playing on his lips.

The spiking fever combined with the drugs Roy gave her made Jane have vivid and dark hallucinations, she had tried to fight it at first, telling herself that what she was seeing wasn't real. But after a while her mind was unable to distinguish the difference between reality and hallucination, it all felt real to her.

* * *

_'Jane was standing at the airport looking at the arrivals board; the plane had landed ten minutes ago. Maura was finally coming home, her heart rejoiced at the thought of seeing her again. She looked at the double doors across the hall, as they opened showing a honey blonde woman stepping through them. She caught the blonde's eye, the woman smiled brightly at her. Jane moved towards her reaching out her arms to pull her into a hug. "Maura," she said, "I missed you so much". Maura opened her mouth to say something but Jane looked over her shoulder at the doors behind the doctor, as they opened again and Roy came through. He locked eyes with Jane and defiantly walked up behind Maura, knife glistening in his hand. "No," Jane was crying, "Not Maura, no. Roy don't touch her." Jane couldn't reach him in time to stop him and she watched as Roy grabbed Maura from behind and cut her neck.'_

* * *

"No! Maura!" Jane bawled.

Roy had been listening to Jane talk throughout her delusions and delirium piecing together enough of the pieces of what must be going through the detectives mind.

He knew that people in her current mental state were highly susceptible to suggestion and he was going to play with that, he had pushed her to the limit physically and now he wanted to see how far he could push the detective mentally.

"Detective?" he called while shaking her shoulder.

Jane didn't respond.

"Detective?", he said again, his voice was calm while he put his hand on the bullet wound on her leg and squeezed it.

The pain made Jane jerk, she was still caught in her delirious mind but she was now also aware of Roy's voice.

* * *

Korsak and Frost together with several other officers were on their way to check out the third and last location on Jane's list, they had not found anything at the previous two locations and this was their last chance, if nothing was found here they would have to go back to the precinct and they would have waisted a lot of time for nothing.

Turning onto the street leading to the warehouse they spotted a car on the side of the road. Korsak stopped the car and got out, Frost right behind him.

"That's Jane's car," the older detective said when he got a closer look at the vehicle, "she's here," he said before running back to his own car to radio in his findings.

When they finally arrived at the building they quickly organized themselves and headed inside, vests on and guns drawn.

They were making their way inside carefully checking rooms as they went, Frost stopped in the middle of a hallway, he motioned with his head to the floor. Korsak kneeled down, '_blood_', he thought.

He got back on his feet and they continued their search, except for the soft scraping of their shoes they were almost perfectly silent. All of a sudden they could hear it, a voice speaking in a calm tone. Frost put up two fingers and pointed for Korsak to cover him as he went in first.

He kicked open the door, Korsak right behind him. "Freeze!, Boston Police."

Roy looked at the detectives with a smile on his face, he slowly got up from his position next to Jane and raised his gun aiming it at her head.

"I'll kill her detectives, don't push me."

"Jane, Jane can you hear me?" Frost looked worriedly at Korsak seeing his partner's head lolling on her neck.

"She can't hear you detectives, she's mine now." Leaning in he whispered in her ear as he kept his gun trained at her temple. "She's dead detective and it's your fault, all your fault."

"No!" Jane's hoarse cry was as unexpected as her headbutt.

Frost and Korsak fired their weapons at the same time hitting Roy center mass, killing him instantly.

Korsak ran over to Jane's body and knelt down next to her while Frost checked to make sure Roy was dead.

"My god, Jane. What did he do to you?" the older detective said. "Call in a bus, now!", he barked at the other officers that had filed into the room, "and check on Sam."

Korsak noticed the bruises on Jane's face, the blood in her hair, the cuts on her arms, the broken fingers and the bullet wound to her leg. He grabbed a knife and started cutting the restraints off her arms and legs, all the while talking to the brunette, "It's going to be ok, Jane, just hang on, you have to hang on." He looked at Frost, "Tell them to hurry."

Jane still under the influence of the drug Roy gave her couldn't recognize that they were trying to help her. With her arms and legs now free she started to fight Korsak in her delirium.

"You killed her, you killed her," she screamed, while thrashing around, flailing her arms trying to hit the older detective.

Frost quickly moved behind her and used his whole body to restrain her arms and legs so she wouldn't injure herself or them. "Jane, you're safe, we got you. You need to calm down."

After a few intense moments of struggling the thrashing stopped. Her body and mind were spent from the pain, the blood loss and the continued fever and she fell unconscious.

Frost feeling the change in her body gently let her go, "What did he do to her, Vince?" he was visibly shaken from seeing his partner in this state.

Korsak just shook his head, "I don't know, damnit. Where's that bus?"


	12. The Hospital

Chapter 12

* * *

The ambulance had brought Jane in thirty minutes ago and the doctors had immediately taken her back; they needed to stabilize her before they could take her into surgery.

Korsak had called Frankie enroute to the hospital and they were all now waiting for an update on Jane's condition.

Tommy was sitting in the corner with Angela, arm around her shoulders.

"Why does this keep happening to my Janie?" Angela's voice broke. "How many times can a person go through these things?"

"She'll be ok, Ma. Jane's strong," Tommy said trying to reassure his mother as well as himself. "She's going to be ok." '_she has to be_'.

* * *

Frost and Korsak where on the other side of the room talking to David and Melanie, Sam's parents, before they left to be with their son.

"You think the kid's going to be ok?" Frost asked the older detective.

"I hope so." Korsak looked sad, "Physically he'll be fine in a few days, but emotionally, that's going to take some time."

"And Jane?" Frost could barely voice the question. He was still very upset by what he had seen at the warehouse, not only the physical injuries that Jane had sustained, but the crazed outcries of his partner had shaken him to the core.

"I don't know, Frost. I don't know." Both detectives took a seat near Jane's family.

They all sat there for a while in silence, nobody quite sure what to say.

* * *

"Anyone hear from Maura yet?" Frost said to no one in particular.

"She's on her way home," Angela gently cleared her throat, "poor thing."

"Poor thing?" Frankie said offended, "you do realize that this wouldn't have happened if Maura had been here, right?"

Angela and Tommy looked at Frankie in shock.

"Frankie, that's not fair," Angela said trying to reason with her son.

"It's true, you didn't see Jane this week Ma, she needed Maura and she wasn't there for her. She was on the other side of the world with an old flame, who does that?" The younger Rizzoli was angry, needing someone to blame, he crossed his arms and walked away, "I'm going to get some coffee," he mumbled angrily behind him.

Frost shared a look with Korsak before asking. "you thought it too? That things might have happened different if Maura had been here?"

"It did cross my mind," the older detective said, "but I don't blame Dr. Isles. This is nobody's fault except for Roy's. Thankfully that bastard is dead."

They all agreed on that.

* * *

For several hours all they received where updates that Jane was still in surgery, until a doctor came through the door to talk them.

"Jane Rizzoli's family?" he asked.

"Yes, we are," Angela said motioning at all of them, "I'm her mother. How's my baby?"

The doctor gave them all a quick look before directing his attention to Angela, "please take a seat," he said. "My name is Dr. Clint and I am the attending taking care of your daughter."

Dr. Clint was a considerate and patient man, he understood the confusion and pain that most people felt when having a loved one in the hospital. From experience he learned that it was best to take a few extra minutes and really explain what was going on, in terms they could understand, as opposed to rush the conversation. So he sat down next to Angela and took his time explaining.

"First of all, your daughter is stable but she is still in critical condition," he started, "she has sustained several serious injuries to her body and I will try to explain them so you can fully understand what's going on."

"Now, the thing that concerns us the most is the injury to her head; Jane has a grade three concussion and there is a significant risk of complications. But be assured, we are monitoring her very closely.

She also has a gun shot wound to her right leg; the bullet hit the bone right above her knee. We removed the bullet, cleaned and stabilized her leg for now, but she will need additional surgery to repair the rest of the damage. You have to understand that this is a very painful injury and it's going to take some time before it heals properly. I do believe a full recovery is possible, but it will take time, at least three months, maybe longer.

Jane is also running a high fever and we are having a difficult time bringing it down. We believe she is fighting some kind of infection and we are still running several tests to determine the exact cause.

There are a few other less serious injuries, several broken bones in her left hand, a few broken ribs, some cuts and bruises but all these will heal with time and rest."

The doctor paused giving them time to take in all the information.

"Now I know this is all a lot to take in and the next 24 hours are vital, but she's a strong woman and we are doing everything we can to help her pull through."

Angela was trying to hold back the tears, "can we see her?"

"Yes, once we transfer her to ICU you can visit with her." The doctor looked a little hesitant now.

"She's not going to be awake anytime soon, because we are keeping her sedated, but I have to warn you, before we took her into surgery Jane seemed to be having a hard time distinguishing between what was real and not. At some point we had to restrain her for her own safety. We understand she was drugged and we flushed out most of the drugs from her system, but that in combination with her concussion and high fever, we just can't be sure what state her mind will be in when she wakes up. We're going to have to wait and see, but she's going to be very confused at the very least."

The doctor looked over at a nurse that was trying to get his attention. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my patient. I will have one of the nurses come get you to see Jane as soon as possible."

"Thank you, doctor." Korsak said. Everyone else was too stunned to speak.

* * *

It was a little after 4 pm local Massachusetts time when Maura's plane landed at Logan International airport. The fourteen hours it had taken for the plane to fly back to Boston had been nothing short of pure hell for Maura. She didn't know what was going on back home and to sit still in a plane and wait was excruciating.

Soon as the plane landed she had taken out her phone and called detective Korsak; Jane had been found, but the relief was quickly replaced by fear when he told her she was in the hospital. He didn't want to expand on her injuries over the phone and only said she was alive, critical but stable.

Maura arranged for a town car to take her to the hospital directly from the airport; it took over sixty minutes in rush hour traffic to get there.

Korsak was standing outside waiting for her.

She wanted to see Jane right away, but the older detective sat her down first.

He rubbed his face with his hands; he looked tired. "I know you're anxious to see Jane and I am going to take you up in a minute, but there's something you need to know first."

While Korsak was explaining everything that happened to Jane in the last 48 hours Maura could feel actual physical pain building inside her chest. Her brain was having a hard time absorbing and processing the information she was given. '_How could this have happened?_'

Maura didn't have the strength to even try to fight the tears; Korsak not entirely comfortable with a crying woman just put a hand on her shoulder and held it there.

After several long minutes Maura was able to compose herself and she got up, staggering a little, "take me to her, please?"

Korsak noticing Maura's unsteadiness took her gently by the arm, "ok, doc," he said.

* * *

When they arrived at the ICU, Angela, Tommy and Frankie were just coming out of Jane's room. Angela was the first to spot Maura, she walked over to the doctor and enveloped her in a big hug. "Oh, Maura," her voice broke.

Maura let herself be hugged for a moment before withdrawing herself from the other woman. "I'm so sorry," she said.

Tommy also gave Maura a quick hug, but Frankie kept his distance. "Ma, I'll take you home now," he said, not acknowledging Maura at all.

Maura didn't notice Frankie's distant attitude, she was looking towards Jane's room.

"Go ahead," Angela said, "doc said she's not going to be awake for a while yet, but maybe she'll wake up sooner knowing you're here. We'll be back in a few hours, call us if anything changes?"

Maura nodded before walking the few steps to the entrance of the room.

* * *

It was dark inside, like most rooms in the ICU; several electronic sounds filling the air.

Maura felt herself moving forward, stepping closer to the bed. She gasped when she saw Jane lying there, she looked so pale and fragile.

Maura was frozen on the spot, looking down at Jane she saw all the different injuries to her body. Korsak had told her what happened, but to see it in front of her, knowing the intense pain Jane had endured was too much to take in.

After an undetermined amount of time she finally moved again. She sat down in the chair next to Jane and pulled the brunette's uninjured hand in between her own.

She looked at Jane's face, her beautiful face full of bruises and cuts, the top of her head wrapped in a bandage.

"Oh Jane," she whispered, "I'm so sorry I wasn't here, so sorry." she laid her head down on the bed holding Jane's hand against her face and cried.

* * *

**A/N: Hope I didn't leave you hanging too long after the last cliff hanger. ;) And Maura's finally back, was about time. I know it's sad, but I do believe in happy endings, we'll get there ... eventually. Lucky for you I've been home sick this week, so another update is in your near future.**

**Please drop your 'cookies' in the jar below. *points down* (you know what I mean.)**


	13. The Panic Attack

Chapter 13

* * *

Early the next morning Angela arrived back at the hospital. She quietly made her way into her daughter's room and saw Maura sitting in the chair next to Jane, her head was resting on the bed in front of her and she was still asleep.

Angela briefly hesitated before waking her up, but realized the doctor had to be uncomfortable in her current position. She gently placed a hand on the blonde woman's shoulder, "Maura, honey," she said while lightly shaking her.

Maura slowly opened her eyes taking in her surroundings before straightening up in her chair, she noticed the woman standing next to her, "Angela," she rubbed her eyes trying to wake herself up, "I must have fallen asleep."

"Oh, sweetie, you must be exhausted and when was the last time you ate something?" Angela asked while sitting down on the chair on the other side of the hospital bed.

Maura shrugged her shoulders, "I don't really remember, but I'm fine, I'm not hungry." She looked at Jane's face, she still looked very pale and there was a little perspiration on her brow.

Angela wanted to say something more, when a gentle knock on the door interrupted their conversation; the night nurse came in, "good morning," she said. She kindly smiled at Angela and Maura before taking Jane's vitals and adding some medication to her IV.

"How is she?" Angela asked the nurse.

"Her vitals have improved during the night, but her fever is still too high. We've received the results back from her latest blood work and she is responding to the antibiotics we are giving her, just not as quickly as we would like. I just added a different medication that should help bring her temperature down sooner."

The nurse now done with her work was washing her hands at the sink, "my shift is over, but I will make sure that Amy, your day nurse has all the information she needs. Dr. Clint will be by later today to give you an update and I will be back to take care of Jane tonight."

"Thank you," Angela said giving the nurse a brief smile before looking at Maura who had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the conversation.

"My pleasure," the nurse said and left the room.

"Maura?" Angela started, "Maura, are you ok?"

The blonde looked up at the sound of Angela calling her name, but she was miles away lost in thought. Maura was thinking about how she had left Boston to help an injured Ian, who she didn't love anymore, only to have the woman she did love be injured in her absence. She had traded in one hospital room for another. The irony and cruelty of the situation wasn't lost on her, she could only hope that Jane would recover.

"Uh, …what?" she finally said.

"I asked if you were ok, but considering your delayed response, I would think not."

"I'm fine," Maura waved away the concern.

"Maura, you should go home for a while, take a shower, lie down for a few hours, eat something."

"I'm not leaving Jane," Maura said resolute.

Angela knew the doctor didn't want to leave Jane's side, but the poor woman looked exhausted. "I'll call you if anything changes, ok? Please, you have to take care of yourself as well."

Maura really didn't want to leave Jane's side, but the doctor was too tired to 'fight' with Angela and she really could use a shower. She was sure she didn't exactly smell pleasant at the moment, not after sitting on the plane for fourteen hours and then sleeping in her clothes last night. She would leave, take care of a few things, grab some stuff so she could come back and settle in for the long haul.

"Okay, fine, but I'll be back as soon as I can," she got up out of her chair and walked over to the head of the bed. She put her hand on Jane's face, mindful of the injuries there and softly caressed her cheek. She leaned over and kissed the brunette's forehead, letting her lips linger there for a brief moment and whispered, "I love you Jane, I'll be back soon," before straightening up and turning to Angela. "You call me if anything changes," a command, not a question.

Angela gave her a smile, "of course."

* * *

Maura had gone home only long enough to take a shower, change her clothes and pack a few items before she rushed back to the hospital.

Even though she wasn't hungry she quickly grabbed herself something to eat and drink at the hospital cafeteria, she needed to take care of herself so she could be strong and take care of Jane.

When she arrived back at the detective's room, Frankie was there sitting next to Angela, they were facing away from the door and had not noticed Maura's presence yet.

* * *

"You have to let this go, Frankie." Angela said.

Frankie shook his head, "I'm trying, Ma."

"You know this is not her fault and Jane would be very upset if she knew you were blaming Maura."

"I know, I know, I just can't help feeling that this wouldn't have happened if she had been here."

"You don't know whether that's true or not. You have to get over this, or your sister is going to kick your butt when she wakes up." Angela said.

Frankie snorted, "like she can kick my butt."

Angela gave him a look raising her eyebrow.

"Ok fine, she would," he softly chuckled thinking his sister would do exactly that, "it might take me some time, but I'll try to get over it."

"It's all I ask," Angela said pleased she was able to knock some sense into her son.

* * *

Maura slowly backed out of the room. '_He blames me, Frankie blames me for what happened to Jane,'_ she thought. Maura was a little shocked to hear the conversation, but she wasn't mad at Frankie, it just confirmed her own feelings, because in a way she blamed herself too.

She waited a few minutes trying to compose herself before going back to the room. Both Frankie and Angela were quiet now and Maura knocked on the door before going in.

* * *

The next 24 hours passed by in almost a daze. Nurses came and went, doctors as well. Blood was taken, tests were done and medications were given. Jane's fever had finally broken and her vitals had remained stable. Dr. Clint had visited earlier in the day and after reviewing her latest MRI he had decided to take Jane of the medication that kept her asleep; they were allowing her to wake naturally.

Dr. Clint had explained to them again that they weren't sure what Jane's state of mind would be when she opened her eyes. Best case scenario would be some confusion and probably temporary amnesia. He would not discuss a worst case scenario with them. But he did stress that it was important to keep Jane as calm as possible, her brain needed time to relax and any kind of emotional stress had to be avoided.

* * *

Maura was sitting by Jane's bed browsing through a medical magazine, it wasn't really holding her interest; her mind was tuned into the sounds around her, she was listening for any changes that would indicate Jane was waking up. Angela had stepped out a few minutes ago to get them both some coffee and was just returning when she heard one of the machines beeping a little louder.

Maura looked up from her magazine and put it to the side. She glanced over at the different monitors, Jane's heart rate had definitely increased a little and her brain activity had picked up as well.

Angela looked at Maura, "is she waking up?"

"I'm not sure, maybe."

"Jane, wake up sweetheart," Angela tried. No response. "Maybe you should try, she listens better to you anyways," she said, slight sarcasm in her voice.

Maura grabbed Jane's hand and moved closer. "Jane, can you hear me?"

At first there was no response either, but then Maura could ever so slightly see movement under Jane's eyelids. She lightly squeezed the brunette's hand, after a few moments she felt a very light pressure squeezing her hand back. She looked at Angela, "she's waking up."

"Please open your eyes, Jane." Maura asked, she so desperately wanted to see the detective's dark orbs again.

After a few more moments, they could both see it, a very slight flutter of her eyelids.

"That's it Jane," Maura said, "open your eyes for me."

Ever so slowly Jane opened her eyes, she blinked a few times unable to focus and closed them again.

"Try again sweetie." the blonde encouraged her.

A little more time passed before Jane opened them again, she looked at her mother first, visibly struggling to track her movements.

"Welcome back, baby," Angela's voice was soft, she was trying to fight back her tears.

Jane turned her head and looked at Maura, her eyes first unfocused but then it was like a light switch went off in her head and something changed in her eyes. What Maura and Angela didn't know was that the last time Jane had been conscious, Roy had convinced her during her drug induced hallucinations that Maura had died. Seeing the doctor in front of her alive like this triggered an intense flash of memories and her mind was unable to deal with it.

"N-oo", Jane croaked hoarsely. Her body tensing up, her head pushed back into the pillow, she pulled her hand from Maura's.

"Jane it's me, everything is ok. You're safe now." Maura cried trying to reach out for Jane again.

"M-Maur, N-no", Jane rasped, as she recoiled away from Maura, her whole expression one of terror. Her breathing rapidly increased as well as her heart rate. The alarms going off in the room alerted the nurse and she quickly came running into the room. "What happened?" she asked while trying to tend to her patient.

"I don't know," Angela said confused.

Maura just stood there, frozen, unable to speak or move. She didn't understand what was happening, but she had seen the fear in Jane's eyes, she felt and saw her pull away; she didn't know why, but whatever was going on, she was causing Jane distress.

The brunette was getting more and more upset, she swatted at the nurse while at the same time still looking at Maura, attempting to move further away from her. "No!," she kept repeating, louder and louder.

The nurse glanced at Maura then back at Jane, trying to connect the dots of what was making her patient so upset.

Dr. Clint, who was called in because of a problem with his patient, entered the room, "what's going on?" he asked the nurse.

"I don't know doctor," she was still trying to get Jane to calm down, but it wasn't working.

"Everyone out," Dr. Clint said, when Maura and Angela didn't immediately move he added, "now!."

Angela was the first one to respond, she stepped next to Maura and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her backwards out of the room. From outside the door they could still hear Dr. Clint talking to Jane in the room, "Jane, you have to calm down. Everything is ok, just breath."

"This isn't working doctor," the nurse said.

"I know, just try and hold her still for a moment while I sedate her," Dr. Clint said.

It felt like an eternity, although in reality it only took about thirty seconds, when finally the thrashing and screaming in the room came to a stop.

* * *

A few minutes later Dr. Clint stepped out of the room, he motioned for both women to accompany him so they could talk in a more private setting. Angela glanced back at Maura, she noticed the blonde wasn't following them and was looking very pale herself; "Maura?" Angela asked concerned while taking a step closer. Maura looked up, she took a step forward when all of a sudden her knees gave out, Angela caught her just in time to prevent her from tumbling to the ground.


	14. The Real Reunion

Chapter 14

* * *

"Maura, honey", a kind female voice was talking to her and she could feel fingers softly stroke her forehead and hair. It felt nice, comfortable.

"I think she's coming to," a male voice said.

Maura opened her eyes and saw Angela's face right above her own.

"Welcome back," she said.

'_Why am I on the floor_,_' _Maura thought, '_did I go vasovagal?_' and then it all came back to her. "Jane," she said trying to get up.

"Hold on now," Dr. Clint was holding her by the arm, "we don't want you fainting again. Try to get your bearings first."

"I'm fine," Maura waved him away. She grabbed Angela's hand that was reaching out to help her stand up. She felt dizzy for a moment, so she closed her eyes, waiting for the moment to pass.

Angela looked at her, concern evident in her eyes, "lets sit you down somewhere, you look like you're about to topple over again."

Maura wanted to protest but she couldn't argue the fact, she did feel terrible.

Dr. Clint led them to a little office towards the back of the ICU ward. "Take a seat," he said while getting some water and giving it to Maura.

"I'll be fine, doctor, please," she motioned for him to start talking.

"Okay," he said while taking a seat himself. "I know you must have some questions, but first if you can please tell me what exactly happened when Jane woke up."

Angela looked at Maura and Dr. Clint, question in her eyes.

"It's ok, Mrs. Rizzoli, you did nothing wrong, neither of you did. I just need to know what happened."

"Ok," Angela started, "well, when we saw a change to one of the machines in the room, we started talking to Jane, trying to coach her to open up her eyes."

Dr. Clint gave her a reassuring nod to continue.

"It took a while," Angela said, "but she squeezed Maura's hand and then opened her eyes.

"Did she seem alert?"

"No," Maura finally had found some form of control again, "she appeared confused, her eyes unable to focus on anything."

"Yes," Angela added, "like she couldn't look at one spot. Then all of a sudden she started to panic and call out 'No'."

"She called out my name, and pulled away from me." Maura said sadly.

"Oh, Maura, I'm sure that wasn't on purpose." Angela tried to grab a hold of the blonde's hand, but Maura held it out of reach.

"Hm-hm," Dr. Clint nodded his head in thought,

"Doctor, is this because of Jane's concussion?" Angela asked.

"Possibly, but I think there is more at play here. The combination of her concussion, her being drugged and her sedation for the past few days, I think her mind hasn't caught up yet to reality. I wish we had more information on what happened to your daughter. We will have to conduct some more tests, but for now I think it's best to keep Jane sedated for a little while longer, the stress from today is not good for her brain or her body. We will try to wake her again tomorrow, but I think it's best that only medical staff be present at that time, at least until we have a better understanding of what's going on."

Maura and Angela reluctantly agreed with Dr. Clint.

The doctor excused himself and left the two women by themselves, neither of them knew what to say.

Angela was the first to speak up, "Okay," she said, "I'm going to call Frankie to come sit with his sister for a while and I'm taking you home, I'll cook you a real meal and you can get some rest."

Maura looked up, sad eyes brimming with tears, "Stop being so nice to me. Don't you understand, this is all my fault, I should have been here."

"What? No, Maura. None of this is your fault, nobody blames you."

"I do, I blame myself," she said tears now streaming down her face, "Frankie blames me and so does Jane."

"Oh Maura," Angela just realized the blonde must have heard her conversation with her son, "Frankie doesn't blame you, not really, he's just upset and not thinking clearly. And Jane loves you."

"You saw what happened in there, she pulled away from me." Maura's voice cracked.

Angela grabbed Maura's hands and did not let her pull away from her this time, "I don't know why she did that, but Jane loves you very much. Whatever happened to her she's going to need you to get through this. You need each other, and you're not to blame for any of this."

Maura unable to see reason at the moment, jumped out of her chair and quickly ran to the door, she had to get out of there. She ignored Angela calling behind her, she ran for the stairs and didn't stop until she was in her car, where she finally let her self break down and cry.

* * *

Late the next day Dr. Clint and nurse Amy were standing in Jane's room. Dr. Clint had just injected Jane's IV with a mild stimulant that should wake her within a few minutes. They were waiting now, closely monitoring her vitals.

Her brain was muddled, everything around her was dark, but it felt comfortable. She could hear a voice calling her name, but she didn't want to answer it, she knew if she opened her eyes there would be more pain again. She couldn't stand anymore pain. She tried to fight her increasing awareness of the voice, she could already feel the pain in her head building.

"She's waking up, doctor." a woman's voice said.

"Jane, you're safe. It's ok to open your eyes." a man's voice spoke now.

Jane fought the voices, she tried to relax back into the comfortable darkness. The darkness where there was no pain.

"She's slipping away again," the woman's voice said, Jane felt a pressure on her shoulder, she started to feel panicked.

"No, don't touch her," the man's voice said, he sounded urgent, "lets just give her a minute."

After a few moments the man's voice spoke again, he kept repeating the same things over and over again, "You're safe Jane, everything is ok." She was getting irritated, she wanted to tell him she heard him the first time.

Slowly Jane opened her eyes, she blinked a few times against the light before closing them again.

"It's ok, Jane. You're safe." the man said again.

"H-heard you," '_the first time_', she wanted to say but her throat was dry and her voice hoarse.

"Can you open your eyes again for me?", he asked in a very calm tone.

It felt like a tremendous chore but she did what he asked. Her vision was blurry and she saw two of everything; she was unable to concentrate on one thing for long and the bright light shining in her eyes was painful.

"Ok, Jane, you can close your eyes now. Just don't go back to sleep yet, ok?" the man asked her. She liked his voice, he sounded nice, safe.

"Jane, my name is Dr. Clint, you are ok, you are in the hospital."

"K," she groaned. '_wait what_?' she opened her eyes again quickly, a shot of pain coursing through her head from the sudden movement.

"Can you tell me what you remember?" the doctor asked.

Flashes of Roy started filtering back into her brain.

"Roy", she croaked, her heart rate was increasing again.

"Ok, try to stay calm. He can't hurt you anymore, Jane. You're safe. Just try to breathe."

Jane let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding and tried to do as the doctor said.

"Try to relax, just focus on breathing, in... and out, in... and out."

Jane was listening to the calm voice of the doctor and obeyed his request, she slowly felt herself relax and drifted back to sleep.

"That's enough for today," Dr. Clint said, "we'll let her sleep until she's ready to wake up on her own again. Keep a close eye on her and call me the minute she wakes up again. Nobody else in the room for now, I'll notify the family of the situation."

* * *

Angela had just gotten of the phone with the hospital when she walked through the door of Maura's home. The doctor was sitting in her kitchen nursing a glass of wine and looking at something on her laptop, at the sound of her back door opening she looked up and gave Angela a small courteous nod before diverging her interest back to the screen in front of her.

"The hospital just called," Angela said while making herself a cup of tea.

"Oh, what did they say?" Maura had not been back to the hospital since Jane woke up the day before. She had wanted to go back, but she was afraid, she had felt so helpless not being able to comfort Jane.

"Jane woke up again today," she looked at Maura, the blonde woman looked so sad, she had been inconsolable the night before; Angela had tried to talk to her and reassure her, but it was like her words fell on deaf ears. Maura had quickly made her excuses and locked herself into her bedroom until this morning.

"It went well, Dr. Clint said she was a little confused still and very unfocused, but she did seem to remember what happened to her," Angela frowned, "actually I'm not sure if that's a good thing, maybe it would be better if she didn't remember what that bastard did to her."

"It's a good thing, it means her memory is intact," Maura said, "it is not uncommon for people with a grade three concussion to experience some form of temporary or permanent amnesia."

"I guess," Angela shrugged her shoulders, "anyway, they didn't have to sedate her again, so that's good right?"

Maura nodded her agreement.

"The doctor wants to meet with us tomorrow morning. You want to drive there together, or would you prefer to take your own car?"

Maura wanted to let out a deep sigh, but instead she told Angela she would meet her there. She excused herself to go to bed, but she wasn't going to sleep yet, she just wanted to continue the research she had been doing before Angela came over. She needed to be better prepared the next time Jane woke up, she needed to know what she could do to help her, so she wouldn't be standing there like a dumb frozen statue.

* * *

The next day Jane woke up early in the morning; her mind still a jumbled fog. She opened her eyes and tried to scan the room around her, but her vision was a little fuzzy.

She raised her left hand so she could rub her eyes, but it was weighed down by something. She held it close to her face, '_what the - ? a cast!_' "Well this sucks," she mumbled to herself.

She tried to move her legs, but quickly stopped when a sharp pain shot through her right leg. "Now what?" she reached down with her right hand to touch her leg which was bandaged up. She flexed her abs so she could lean herself forward, but the movement jostled her broken ribs and the pain immediately took her breath away. She fell back into her pillow which in turn aggravated her headache. "Shit!", she grumbled, "shit, shit, shit!"

"I see you're awake," a smiling woman was standing inside the doorway to her room.

Jane looked at the woman raising an eyebrow.

"The doctor is going to be happy to see you're awake, he should be here any minute now," she looked down the hallway, "ah, there he is."

The man in question joined the nurse inside the room.

"Hello, Jane. I'm glad to see you're awake again. My name is Dr. Clint and I am the doctor assigned to your care," he spoke to her in a calm reassuring manner.

Jane had actually woken up several times during the night, but each time she had still been very disoriented and had gone to sleep almost immediately after waking. This morning was the first time Jane actually was alert since she was brought into the hospital several days earlier.

The doctor was talking to Jane, but she had a hard time concentrating on his voice as the memories from her ordeal started to come back to her.

Jane was still confused, she didn't remember waking up before this morning, all she remembered were her last moments with Roy and Sam...and Maura.

'_Oh no... Maura',_ she thought_, ...'Maura is dead',_ she couldn't believe it; her mind was still trying to make sense of her memories, but she had seen it herself, Roy had killed her_. 'she's dead, she's really... dead.'_

Tears started to form in her eyes while images filtered into her brain, she had seen Roy slice Maura's neck and she had been unable to stop him. She had failed to protect Maura; Jane wanted to curl up and die herself.

Dr. Clint noticed the spike in her heart rate and her rapid breathing. He snapped his fingers a couple of times and Jane finally looked at him, he had purposely tried to startle her before she would get lost in her memories again, he wanted to avoid a full panic attack.

"Take a deep breath Jane," Dr. Clint said and she complied, "that's it, try to clear your mind and just breath." Every time Jane had started to panic during the night they had helped her calm back down before she was too far gone, this way they had avoided the need to sedate her again. They needed to keep the stress on her brain to a minimum, until she was better equipped mentally to deal with everything.

Jane tried to do as Dr. Clint said, she tried to breath, but the tears kept falling.

After a few minutes, when she was able to catch a breath, her mind started to wonder why nobody else was there, where was her mom?

Dr. Clint reading Jane's unspoken question answered for her, "your family is nearby, but we asked them to stay outside for a while."

"Why?", Jane said, her voice strained.

"The first time you woke up two days ago, you went into a severe panic attack and we had to sedate you. As not to further upset you or your family we decided it best for them to keep their distance until we were sure you were mentally up for visitors."

Jane didn't remember, but when she had first come out of sedation and Maura had been right there holding her, she had been scared, it had been too much for her confused mind to comprehend that the blonde woman was actually there, because Maura couldn't really be there with her, she had seen her die.

Dr. Clint was watching Jane closely, seeing the different emotions cross her face.

"And Sam?", Jane asked after a while, voice broken. "Did Sam make it?"

"The kid that was with you? Yes, he's going to be fine, he was released from the hospital two days ago."

Even though Jane was devastated, she felt a slight relief that Sam survived, at least it hadn't all been for nothing.

"You think you're up for a visitor, it's been very hard keeping your family away from here," Dr. Clint said trying to assess Jane's state of mind.

Jane gave him a weary look, '_I bet it was',_ she thought about her mom being kept out of her room, that must have been difficult. She tried to wipe away her tears and nodded her approval.

"Ok, I'll send her in. But you have to promise me not to exert yourself in any way, you are still dealing with a serious concussion on top of your other injuries and we need to be cautious.

Jane took another shaky breath before giving the doctor a thumbs up with her right hand, too tired to speak again.

* * *

Dr. Clint left and a few minutes later Angela stepped inside her room.

Mother and daughter shared a quiet moment, which was very unusual for both women.

"Hey ma." Jane finally whispered.

"Oh baby," Angela cried before she pulled her daughter into a hug.

"Ma," Jane yelped.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Angela quickly let go of her daughter, "We've been so worried about you. Maura has been a wreck since she came back. You gave us all quite the scare."

"_Wait, what? ... Maura? ... Maura is here? She's alive... No... how is that possible?_ she thought confused, thinking she was going crazy.

Then suddenly her mind cleared enough to connect the dots and she realized it, '_it was all a hallucination, none of it was real.'_

That bastard had tricked her, he had played on her fears and used it against her. Maura hadn't even been there, Maura had still been in Africa. She felt relieved, but it also made her angry; she felt weak and pathetic to have fallen for that.

But it had felt so real, the things she had envisioned during her drug induced delirium weren't like dreams. No, her hallucinations had been vivid, dark and terrifying; everything she saw had felt very real to her.

"Maura is here? She's back?" Jane's voice cracked.

"Oh honey, she's been back for days," Angela said, unaware of the emotional turmoil her daughter was experiencing, "She's right outside, but the nice doctor said we could only visit one at a time."

Jane looked over at the door, '_Maura is alive, she's here_'. At this moment Jane didn't think about Maura leaving her to go to Africa, or the miserable week she spent by herself while she was gone, or the terrible pain she had experienced by Roy's hands, not even the horrible hallucinations depicting Maura's demise. All she could think about right now was that Maura was there, alive, in Boston, right outside the door.

Angela had been chatting away at her, but she soon realized her daughter had tuned out the moment she heard Maura was back; she didn't mind, she was just happy Jane was alive and awake, "why don't I go get her and give you two some time alone."

Jane glanced up at Angela, "thanks mom."

"uh huh," Angela teasingly said before stepping out of the room.

* * *

Jane closed her eyes for a moment and put her head back on her pillow, she took a deep breath and waited.

It only took a minute before she felt it, Maura was there.

"Jane?" she heard Maura's soft voice say.

Jane smiled before opening her eyes; the beautiful but nervous blonde woman was standing in the doorway.

"Maur," she said while reaching out her arms, and that's all it took for Maura to rush forward and fall into her arms.


	15. The First Nightmare

Chapter 15

* * *

When the first emotions of their reunion wore off Jane felt exhausted; Maura noticing the difference, slowly disentangled herself from Jane. She stayed seated on the bed though, one hand holding onto Jane's uninjured hand, the other softly stroking the brunette's face and hair.

Jane sighed, leaning her head back against her pillow, "I'm so tired", she said while closing her eyes.

Maura really wanted to keep holding Jane and talk to her, but she knew the woman needed to rest, "you should try and sleep some more," she leaned in closer and placed a soft kiss on Jane's lips, "I'll be here when you wake up," she whispered.

It took less than a minute before Jane dozed off.

Maura stayed seated on the bed for a little while longer, just watching her sleep. She was worried, she had done her research, she knew the road to recovery was going to be long and painful and not just physically, but she would be there for Jane, every step of the way.

A quiet knock on the door and Angela's head peaking around the corner got her out of her musings. She raised her finger to her lips to indicate the need for silence before getting up and stepping outside with Jane's mother.

"How's she doing?", Angela asked.

"I'm not really sure, we didn't really get to talk; she fell back asleep within minutes of me going in the room."

"I just spoke with Dr. Clint again, he said it would be best to limit the amount of visitors to one at a time for the time being."

Maura nodded her understanding.

"You should stay with her," Angela said, she wanted to stay with her daughter as well, but she knew at the moment it was more important for Maura and Jane to be together.

"Thank you," Maura whispered.

"It's ok," Angela reassured her, "Stanley called me earlier to ask me if I was still planning on coming into work sometime this week."

Maura looked at her in shock.

"I know, right? He's such a people person," Angela softly chuckled, "it's okay though, I could use the distraction. I'll stop by tonight with some food, okay?"

The women said goodbye and Maura went back into Jane's room. She took a seat in the recliner and rested her eyes, it wasn't long before she too fell asleep herself.

* * *

Korsak and Frost were standing in the office of Lt. Cavanaugh, they had been called in and their boss did not look happy at all.

"Take a seat gentlemen," the Lt. said pointing towards the chairs.

Both men sat down, anxious to find out what was going on.

"Any news on Rizzoli?" Cavanaugh asked.

"She woke up this morning, sir," Frost answered.

"That's good," the Lt. paused, "any idea when we can get a statement from her? We really need to find out what happened."

"I don't know sir, her attending doctor said they are trying to avoid any kind of stress for now, apparently she is in a very fragile state of mind at the moment," Korsak said, "maybe we can give her a few days to recover first?"

The Lt. nodded his agreement, "I understand, but the sooner the better. I just got off the phone with the mayor, this whole case has turned into quite the shit storm," he said sounding irritated, "considering the high profile of our perp's family, the brass just wants this to go away as quickly and quietly as possible."

"Is Jane in trouble?" Korsak asked, Frost was thinking the same thing.

Cavanaugh took a few long seconds before answering.

"Yes and No. She's probably looking at a short suspension for disobeying orders, but she did safe the kid. It's up to IA now, but I think she'll be okay."

He stared for a few moments at both the detectives in front of him.

"Get her statement when you can and I expect your own reports on my desk by tonight."

"Yes, sir," they said in unison; they both stood up to leave, but Cavanaugh held up his hand, "not you Frost."

Korsak gave Frost a reassuring nod before leaving him alone with their boss.

* * *

Maura was still sleeping when she was awoken by a quiet whimper in the room. She opened her eyes and listened intently, she almost thought she had imagined it when she heard it again.

She quickly got out of the recliner and stepped next to the bed. Jane was still sleeping, but obviously in distress, her breathing was shallow and rapid, perspiration visible on her forehead and listening to the heart monitor her heart rate had increased as well. She showed all the signs of being in the midst of a nightmare.

Maura gently put her hand on the brunette's shoulder, "Jane, it's okay, it's just a dream," she said. It seemed to just make it worse, Jane was moaning now and started moving around. Maura kept talking to her, trying to reassure her.

All of a sudden Jane woke up, gasping for air.

"Breath, Jane. You have to breath. Slow deep breaths." Maura tried to coach her.

Jane locked eyes with Maura trying to catch her breath. Her mind was having a hard time letting go of the images from her dream, she had been right back in the room with Roy. She was awake now, but she could still feel the pain, her whole body seemed to hurt. Her head was pounding, her hand was aching, her leg throbbed, and every time she took a breath a painful jolt reminded her of her broken ribs; she was so tired. She closed her eyes trying to fight the tears that were stinging behind her eyes.

Maura was worried, Jane was awake but she hadn't said a word yet, she seemed unable to snap out of her panic and she had started to shake. Maura didn't know what to say to comfort her, there was only one thing she could think about doing. She gently lowered herself next to Jane on the bed, careful not to jostle any of her injuries and put her arms around the shivering woman, pulling her close. Jane's body first tensed at the contact, her natural impulse was to fight the embrace, but Maura just held her tighter, whispering nonsensical things and slowly rocking her. After a little while Jane let go and broke down crying, letting herself be comforted by the woman holding her close. When she eventually cried herself out she fell back asleep in Maura's arms.

* * *

A few hours later there was a knock on the door, Maura was awake, but she had not let go of Jane yet; she looked at Angela walking into the room and gave her a small smile.

"Brought you something to eat", Angela said softly, she put the container down on the table and took a seat.

Maura hadn't really thought about eating, but now she smelled the food she realized she was kind of hungry. She looked down at Jane, who was still very much asleep and planted a kiss on the top of her head before letting her go. The brunette didn't stir in her sleep and Maura carefully got off the bed, grabbed the food and took a seat next to Angela.

"Smells good," she spoke in a hushed tone while opening the container, "I didn't even realize I was hungry." She took a fork and ate in silence for a while, when she was finished she put everything back on the table, "thank you, Angela, that was really good."

Angela had been observing Jane while Maura was eating, "how's she been today?"

Maura shook her head, "not good, I can tell she's in pain and she had a bad nightmare earlier, it took a long time for her to calm down."

"Poor baby," Angela said while shaking her head.

"I don't know what to do, Angela. I'm very worried about her."

* * *

The next morning Maura awoke in the reclining chair, she looked around the room finding Jane already awake staring up at the ceiling.

"You're awake," Maura said while stifling a yawn, she stretched her arms over her head before standing up, "have you been awake long?"

Silence.

Maura walked closer to Jane and put a hand on her shoulder, Jane didn't seem to notice, she just kept looking up at the ceiling.

"Jane," Maura said, gently shaking her shoulder.

Jane finally looked in Maura's direction, but she still looked miles away in thought.

"Jane," she tried again, "come back to me."

The brunette blinked, words filtering through her daze, she saw Maura standing there with a concerned look on her face, "hey," she finally said.

"Hey," Maura replied, "what where you just thinking about?"

"Nothing," Jane waved away the question.

"Must have been a whole lot of nothing, you seemed miles away. You can tell me," Maura tried again.

"I said it was nothing," came the response.

"Jane, you have hardly spoken at all these past two days."

"Just leave it alone." Jane said, a gentle warning now evident in her voice.

"Okay," Maura was a little surprised by Jane's changed tone, "but I hope you know you can talk to me."

Jane huffed.

"You're going to have to talk to someone, Jane. If not me than someone else."

"No, I don't."

"Jane."

More silence.

"It's not good to hold this in, it can lead to all kinds of psychological problems in the future."

"Dammit, Maura, can you please just drop it!" Jane winced as the volume of her own voice was hurting her head, she grabbed her forehead with her left hand but when she was reminded again that it was in a cast, she took a swipe with it at the table next to her bed, throwing off the cup and can of water in the process. Because of the sudden motion she jostled her leg and her ribs and the pain that resulted from it just made her more upset.

She wasn't really angry at Maura, she didn't really know why she was so angry at all. Her body hurt everywhere and her mind was constantly flashing back to Roy and what he had done to her, she wanted it to stop. She was tired but she didn't want to go back to sleep because of the nightmares, she wanted to be held while at the same time she didn't want to be touched, she wanted Maura to be there, but she also wanted to be alone. She was so frustrated, so angry, so sad and so, so tired.

Maura made quick work of the spilled water before sitting down on the bed next to Jane. She quietly observed the emotions playing across the brunette's features, her eyes were closed, her whole body tense.

Maura grabbed Jane's hand that was flexed in a tight ball and gently rubbed the fist with her thumbs until it opened up and relaxed within her hands, she slowly worked her hands up her arm to her shoulder before resting both hands on either side of the brunette's neck, gently rubbing the muscles there. Jane's breathing evened out and she opened her eyes looking at the woman in front of her. They just held each others gaze for a few long moments.

"I'm so sorry, Maur." Jane finally broke the silence, "I know you're just trying to help; you didn't deserve that."

Maura stopped the massage and moved her hands to cup Jane's face instead, she leaned in and captured the brunette's lips with her own, kissing her firmly.

"No, I didn't deserve that," she said while pulling back. She tilted her head, waiting for Jane to open her eyes, "Please, let me help you, Jane. Don't try and push me away, because I'm not going to let you," she firmly stated before leaning in to kiss her again, a little more gentle this time.


	16. The Slow Disconnect

Chapter 16

* * *

Since Jane was a little more stable now and mostly fever free, they had transferred her out of the ICU and into a regular room. Dr. Clint had also scheduled her surgery for the next day. They were going in to repair the rest of the damage to her leg; he was now explaining to Jane what she could expect from the surgery and the recovery afterward. She was listening to him speak, at least she looked like she was listening. In reality she felt oddly detached from the conversation, she could track enough of it to nod at the right moments, but the information didn't really sink in, or she just didn't really care; she wasn't sure which one it was.

"With extensive physical training your leg should be back to full function in about six months," Dr. Clint said in a positive voice.

Jane nodded and gave the doctor a small smile that didn't reach her eyes, "that's good news, doc," she said.

The doctor didn't really know Jane well enough to realize how uncharacteristic Jane's responses had been, so he just smiled back at her and told her he would see her in the morning before the surgery.

Jane was glad the doctor had left, she didn't just feel detached from the conversation they were having, she was also having a difficult time concentrating for more than a few minutes at a time and she now felt completely drained.

Maura had stepped out for a little while to get some things from home and she didn't expect her back for at least another hour. With everyone else at work, Jane was alone for a little while. She rested her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes, she wasn't planning on going to sleep, she just wanted to tune out everything around her.

But Jane was so tired and in combination with the painkillers they were giving her, she did fall asleep and it didn't take long before the nightmares started again.

She woke up in full panic mode, again, her heart racing, her breathing short and shallow and she was sweating profusely, that last part irritated her the most because she wasn't able to get out of bed for a full shower yet. But the worst thing about it were the images that lingered in her head long after she woke up. These weren't like normal nightmares, these were actual memories of things that happened to her. It was one of the reasons she didn't want to talk about it with anyone, she had to relive her ordeal every time she closed her eyes, why would she want to relive it while she was awake as well. It wasn't like telling anyone would make it any less real, all it would do was put a burden on someone else, and she couldn't do that, especially not to Maura.

While she was trying to breath through her panic, she was thinking how thankful she was Maura wasn't there to see her suffer again. Jane's feelings for Maura were a bit of a mess, she loved her, of course she did, but they hadn't really spoken about anything yet. Like her visit to Africa. Did Ian ever wake up, had she left him there still in a coma. Was she going to go back to take care of him again? Or was he awake and Maura only came back because Jane was hurt, would she have still been with Ian otherwise? Jane didn't know the answers to her questions and she didn't want to ask Maura either, afraid of what the answers might be.

* * *

'knock' 'knock'

Jane looked at the door; Frost poked his head around the corner. "Hey partner," he said, "You awake?"

The brunette was actually glad to see her partner, "I am now," she said giving him a smile.

Frost grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to her bed, "how're you feeling?"

"Like a truck ran me over," she said, "but better than yesterday."

"That's good," he looked at the floor visibly uncomfortable.

Jane sighed, she knew her partner didn't come just to chit chat, "go ahead, you can ask, Frost."

He looked up at her, "why did you go by yourself, Jane? Why didn't you call me? You know I would have backed you up."

"That's exactly why, we were off the case. You were already in trouble, and if I was wrong I didn't want to make things worse." she paused before continuing, "I never planned to go in by myself, but when I was there, I just couldn't leave without knowing if Sam was there."

Frost looked like he was giving it some thought, "you know we never would have found him without you, we had nothing, no leads," Frost said.

"No, we would have known," she said thinking back on the conversation she had with Roy.

Frost raised his eyebrow at her in question.

"He wanted us to find him, he had it all planned out. I just got to him before he could put the rest of his plan in effect."

"What did he do you, Jane?" Frost asked tentatively.

Jane closed her mouth, her mind flashing back again to the room and Roy. '_she's dead, detective, it's all your fault_', she could still hear Roy's voice taunting her, she shuddered before answering, "nothing that won't heal, partner".

And Frost realized that was all she was going to tell him about it.

They sat there in silence for a little while, until Jane suddenly realized something, "Hey, why are you here and not at work? Not that I don't appreciate the visit of course, but it is the middle of the day."

"Ah, yes," Frost said, "something I forgot to tell you, IA had a little problem with the 'methods' I used to obtain the restricted files. Apparently 'hacking' is frowned upon."

"Oh man, I'm so sorry Frost. I never meant for you to get into trouble." Jane really did feel bad for her partner.

Frost waved away the comment, "no big deal, two weeks suspension, unpaid. I'll be fine, I might take a vacation," he joked.

"You should take a cruise," Jane countered back.

They bantered back and forth for a while until Frost noticed Jane was fading and her eyes were closing involuntarily.

"I'm going to let you rest now," he said getting up, "there's just one more thing."

"What?" Jane said trying to focus back on her partner.

"Cavanaugh needs your statement as soon as possible, we got him to hold off for now, but you know how it is, brass is on his case about it."

"I know," she nodded, she wasn't happy she had to give her statement, but she knew it needed to be done, "thanks for the heads up, Frost."

"Sure thing, I'll be back soon ok. You just take it easy."

Frost left the room, leaving her to her thoughts again.

* * *

Maura came back a few hours later followed immediately by Angela.

Angela had brought all of them something to eat, her mom had made her favorite food and although she wasn't very hungry Jane ate a few bites of it to please her.

Angela chatted away at her and Maura, and it was mostly Maura that answered back. Jane was still having trouble concentrating, so she quickly tuned out of the conversation and rested her eyes, feigning to be asleep.

Her mom thinking she actually had fallen asleep didn't stay very long after that, she leaned over to give her daughter a kiss on the forehead, said her goodbyes to Maura and went home.

Jane felt the bed dip next to her and a warm hand touching her face, "I know you're not sleeping," Maura whispered in her ear.

She smiled and peeked at Maura through one eye. "I'm sorry, you know I love my ma, it's just …"

"A little much sometimes?" Maura finished for her.

She nodded her head at the blonde, "exactly."

"So...," Maura said not sure how to start.

"So," Jane responded.

"Surgery tomorrow, how do you feel about that?"

Jane gave it some thought how to best answer that, then decided just to be honest, "I don't really feel anything about it."

She could hear Maura thinking, "you're not nervous, or scared, or anything? It's pretty important for your recovery."

The brunette just shrugged her shoulders, "I guess."

"I am worried about you, Jane."

"I'm fine, Maura; tired, but fine."

Maura didn't believe Jane for one second, but didn't want to push tonight.

"You should sleep, you're going to need your strength tomorrow." Maura moved to get off the bed, but Jane grabbed her hand.

"Lie here with me?" she asked.

The blonde woman gave it some thought, "I don't want to accidentally hurt you."

"You won't, I would just like you to hold me for a while."

Maura couldn't say no to that, "okay" she said, "just let me get ready for the night, I'll get you a toothbrush and washcloth as well."

After running through her evening ritual and helping Jane brush her teeth and wash her face and arms, she stretched out next to the brunette on the bed.

She wrapped her arms around Jane as best as she could without hurting her in the process.

Jane who could only lie on her back because of her injured leg just leaned into Maura and angled her head so she could rest on the blonde's chest, she sighed deeply.

Maura kissed the top of her head, "you okay?" she whispered against her hair.

It was quiet for a while, Maura almost thought Jane had gone to sleep until she heard a soft, "no," and then, "I'm tired, Maura. But I don't want to go to sleep."

Maura used one of her hands and soothingly started stroking Jane's hair; gently massaging her scalp, "I know you don't sweetie, I'll wake you up if you start to dream again, okay?"

She could feel a gentle nod from the head against her chest. Maura stayed awake long after the brunette had fallen asleep, hoping that by holding Jane close she could keep the nightmares away.

* * *

The next morning Jane was taken into surgery, it took a little longer than first expected but Dr. Clint had assured them afterward that the surgery had been a success. Jane would have to do extensive physical therapy, but she would regain the full function of her leg.

The night after her surgery, Jane had urged for Maura to go home and sleep in her own bed during the night. Maura had initially resisted the suggestion, but Jane had been adamant in her request, insisting she would be fine by herself. After a while Maura reluctantly agreed and went home; she didn't want to leave Jane's side, but she really couldn't deny she was indeed exhausted. So for the past three nights Maura had done just that, she spend the days with Jane in the hospital and at night she went home and slept in her own bed.

Jane really did want Maura to sleep comfortably in her own bed and get a proper nights rest, she thought at least one of them should be able to sleep through the night. But she hid the real reason she didn't want Maura around at night; her panic attacks increased at night time, the darkness intensified her fear. She tried to resist going to sleep for as long as she could, a feat made almost impossible because of the pain medication they still had her on, but she tried anyways. Because when exhaustion finally did overtake her and she fell asleep, she would without a doubt experience nightmares. She didn't want anyone to know how bad they really were, how helpless she felt while experiencing them, or how physically and emotionally drained they left her when she awoke from them.

Unfortunately it didn't stop with the terrors she experienced while sleeping. Any time she was awake whether it was during the day or night, Jane would be hit with sudden flashbacks, they didn't decrease as the days went on, if anything they increased in frequency. When someone came to visit, she tried so hard to act normal, to stay invested in the conversation around her, but it was so difficult. She had a hard time concentrating on anything for very long and after a while she just couldn't help but tune out completely, lost in her own thoughts. Usually when this happened, Maura would gently coach people to leave the room, saying Jane needed her rest. But Jane was convinced Maura knew there was more going on, the blonde had tried to get her to open up, to talk, but so far Jane had refused, waving it off, saying she was fine.

Jane was still recovering from her severe concussion and Dr. Clint had told everyone that even though Jane's condition was improving, they had to be careful not to stress her too much too soon. Her brain and mind still needed time to recover. Jane was pretty sure that this was the only reason Maura hadn't pushed harder for her to talk about the events yet, but this wasn't going to last forever. She knew that when she was released from the hospital, sooner or later someone would try to make her talk. But Jane also knew, she would resist, no matter what happened, there was no way she would burden anyone else with what Roy had done to her, especially not Maura, she would figure it out on her own, just like she had done after Hoyt and Dominic, this time would be no different. It was just taking a little longer.

* * *

**A/N: So we made it to 200 reviews; you people are awesome. Hugs and High Fives! I really hope everyone is still enjoying the story, because there is plenty more to come.**

**To Guest reviewer Red: The Africa issue isn't a 100% settled yet, it will be addressed again.**

******And as always, please leave a comment (or a delicious cookie :p) in the box below. Reviews and knowing people are still reading, really is the best motivation for writers. It's a cliché, but it's also true. Either way, I'll try and update again by Wednesday.**


	17. The First Day Home

Chapter 17

* * *

Today was the day Jane would be released from the hospital. Maura was on her way to the hospital to pick her up; she had spent the morning getting a few things ready for Jane's arrival.

Maura was getting increasingly more worried about Jane. Physically the brunette was on her way to recovery; the cuts on her body were starting to heal and the bruises were fading away, and with her concussion lessening, so were her headaches.

Her left hand was still in a cast and would be for another four to six weeks at least, the same with her right leg, but she was making real progress physically.

Mentally was a different story all together. Maura had noticed Jane was becoming more and more withdrawn as the days went on; she barely spoke to anyone at all, she never initiated conversation herself and only really responded when directly spoken to.

It was almost like Jane had started to totally disconnect from everything and everyone around her and Maura was afraid it was only a matter of time before Jane withdrew from her as well.

They had decided Jane would continue her recovery at Maura's house, there really wasn't much of a choice, because Jane had a broken hand on top of her injured leg, she couldn't properly use crutches; she was pretty much immobile. There was no way Jane could get up the stairs to her own apartment, or take care of herself, and besides that Maura would not let Jane out of her sight, so the decision was made, Jane would stay with her until she was fully recovered.

The blonde doctor knew how much Jane hated to feel helpless, to be in need of constant help and she had expected the brunette to be angry and frustrated about it, but if she was, she hadn't shown it yet.

Jane didn't ask for help, but when it was offered, she did accept it, politely. It was very odd and disconcerting.

Being a lefty like Jane and having that hand broken, meant she needed help with a lot of things, like closing buttons on clothes, or tying her shoelaces. It's funny, all the things you never think about doing, all the things you need two hands for, you don't notice them, until you can't do them anymore. Maura or Angela would help her with those things and Jane would let them, quietly.

That was the thing that bothered Maura the most, Jane was not a quiet person. She was loud and vibrant. Jane was the type of person that you could hear coming before you saw her; when she entered a room, you knew she had arrived. But lately, you could occupy the same room with her for hours, and you would almost forget she was there.

Maura tried to talk to her, tried to engage her in conversation, she would even try to joke around with her sometimes. It wasn't like Jane was completely unresponsive; when Maura asked her something, she would respond. Or when Maura made a joke, no matter how lame it was, Jane would look at her and give her a smile. But that was it, no sarcastic remarks, witty comebacks, snarky comments, nothing.

Jane also didn't really allow anyone besides Maura to touch her. She flinched when anyone else made physical contact, even when her own mother would try and give her a hug.

Maura didn't know what to do anymore, she just hoped things would get better once they were home.

The doctor parked her car in the parking lot and a few minutes later she entered Jane's hospital room.

"Did the doctor sign off on your papers yet?" Maura asked sitting herself next to Jane on the bed.

The brunette pointed at the stack of papers next to her bed.

Maura picked them up and browsed through them, "looks like we got everything we need, discharge papers and care instructions. You ready to go?"

Jane nodded.

"I brought you some clothes to wear, no buttons." Maura said winking at Jane.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

"Oh, Jane." Maura said softly shaking her head, "things will get better soon." She put her hand on Jane's uninjured leg and felt it tense up instantly, but Maura didn't remove it, she kept her hand right there and after a little while she could feel the muscles in Jane's leg relax again. She knew it wasn't her touch that made Jane respond like that, the tensing up was just a psychological response to the trauma the brunette had experienced. She also knew if anyone else would have done that, Jane would have swatted their hand away.

If only Jane would talk about what happened to her, but she didn't. Anyone that would push her to talk was just met with resistance. All of them had tried several times for her to open up, but it didn't help, Jane just became more sullen, the walls were up. One day Maura had sent in a psychologist to talk to Jane, but he had been met with the same response; Jane refused to talk or open up and the end result had been less than pleasant, Jane had become very angry that day.

Maura helped Jane get dressed, she had brought her easy comfortable clothes that Jane could mostly put on herself, some sweats, a t-shirt and a hooded sweater. Jane only needed help with her socks and the laces on her sneakers, or sneaker, since she only had to wear one, with her other leg still in a cast.

When they were done, the nurse came in with a wheelchair and Jane took a seat in it without complaining. It was such a difference from the last time Jane had been in the hospital when she had shot herself to take down a dirty cop, she had insisted then to walk out herself, they had to almost restrain her to the wheelchair before she would stay seated. But now, she just sat down and stared in front of her.

The ride home was mostly spend in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, not really, just unusual. Maura parked her car in her garage and then helped Jane inside the house, the brunette was half leaning on Maura, half using her good hand with a crutch.

They made it as far as the couch before they both sat down.

"Are you hungry, do you want me to make you something?" Maura asked.

Jane shook her head, "I'm fine," she said.

Maura noticed the brunette looked a little pale, probably from the exertion of the trip home.

"Why don't you lie down on the couch and I leave you to yourself for a little while to rest, you can watch some TV if you want," she grabbed the remote and changed it to a channel that was showing the sports highlights before dropping the remote next to Jane on the couch. "I'll be right back, I'm just going to let your mom know you're home."

Maura left Jane sitting by herself and exited through the back door to briefly visit with Angela in the guest house.

* * *

"Maura," Angela opened the door with a smile, "you brought Jane home?"

"Yes, I left her to watch some TV, figured I'd let you know real quick we're here."

"How'd it go?" Angela asked.

"Okay, I think. It's hard to tell if she's happy to be out of the hospital or not."

Angela nodded in understanding, "she's so closed off at the moment."

Maura looked at Jane's mother, sadness in her eyes, "I don't know how to reach her anymore. I'm afraid she's going to start pushing me away and if she does, I don't know how to stop her."

"Just keep doing what you're doing, Maura. You'll get through to her." Angela pulled Maura into a brief hug, "how about I come over in a little while and cook us all some dinner. Maybe that will cheer her up, a home cooked meal at home with her family."

Maura smiled at Jane's mother, she didn't think food would make a difference at the moment, but she didn't want to crush the woman's spirits, and who knows maybe it would do Jane some good.

* * *

When Maura returned back into the house, Jane was still in the exact same position on the couch. The doctor could tell Jane wasn't really watching TV, she was staring at the screen, but her eyes were unfocused. Maura didn't want to startle Jane, so she slowly walked over and grabbed the remote to turn off the TV; this seemed to bring Jane out of her daze.

Maura sat down next to Jane, looking at her, while thinking what to do.

Jane glanced at her, "what?" she asked after a while.

All of a sudden Maura got up, "I know something that might make you feel better," she said with a smile, "how about a shower?"

Jane had expressed several times during her stay in the hospital, that she wanted to take a shower, because she didn't feel clean. But because she had been unable to get out of her bed for so long and with the added complications of her casts, all they had been able to give her so far were sponge baths, Jane had not been amused.

So the offer of a real shower actually grabbed Jane's full attention. "How? I can't get these casts wet," she said frowning while wiggling her hand and leg.

"Well, I have a surprise for you," Maura said walking to the kitchen and grabbing the two items she had bought for Jane. "Xerosox," she said excitedly, "it provides a vacuum seal around your casts so you can take a normal shower."

"Maur, ...that's actually really great." Jane said with an actual genuine smile on her face, a small smile, but genuine.

Maura smiled brightly back at her, happy to be able to provide Jane with this comfort. Most of the time Jane seemed so disconnected, unresponsive, almost emotionless and then all of a sudden it was like she snapped out of it temporarily and for a few moments everything seemed normal. It gave Maura hope that Jane was still there, that everything would be okay, that they would be just fine.

* * *

Maura helped Jane to the bathroom and after helping her undress, she put the Xerosox around her hand and leg cast; they provided a perfect seal that would keep any water out.

When Maura started to undress herself, Jane looked at her in question.

"Well," Maura said a little shy, "you can't take a shower by yourself yet and I don't want to get my clothes wet."

Jane knew Maura was right, she could barely stand up by herself, she needed the help and although not entirely comfortable with the situation, she would just let it happen like everything else.

Maura helped Jane step into the shower and joined her before turning the water on.

Jane leaned against the wall and let the water cascade over her head and body.

"Will you let me wash your hair?" she heard Maura ask.

"Okay," she said softly.

She angled her body and head towards Maura to allow her access.

Maura gently touched her head and started massaging shampoo through her hair, after rinsing it out she continued the massage with conditioner. Jane closed her eyes enjoying the sensation.

For some reason the sensation of Maura's hands massaging her head and the warm water falling down her body, feeling clean for the first time since she was brought into the hospital, it made her feel almost happy and because of that unexpected emotion, she couldn't help the tears that were falling down her face.

Maura was standing behind her and didn't notice right away that something was going on, not until Jane let out a choked sob.

"Oh, Jane," Maura said while turning her around; seeing that the brunette was crying she pulled her into a tight embrace and held her close.

Jane withdrew from Maura slightly and they locked eyes, she wanted to say something to the beautiful blonde holding her, but she was unable to find the words; she did the only other thing she could think about to express her feelings, she leaned into Maura and covered her lips with her own, kissing her with all the love and sadness she felt. It only lasted a few seconds before she broke the kiss and buried her face in Maura's neck.

The comfort of the shower and the feeling of Maura's skin against her own, the soft warm contact of this woman she loved, it was the first time in over two weeks that she felt anything other than fear and pain, and at that moment, she completely fell apart emotionally.

Maura just let Jane sob against her, holding her up until she stopped crying. When Jane started to shake from exhaustion, Maura turned off the water and helped the brunette dry off, she removed the protective seals from her casts and put her in a robe.

She sat Jane down on the edge of the bath tub for a minute while quickly drying herself off. Then she helped her get up and into her bedroom, pulling down the covers and helping her lie down comfortably, when she moved away, Jane's hand was holding her back, fear visible in her eyes.

"I'm not leaving, I am just moving to the other side," Maura said, and she did, she quickly joined Jane on the bed and slipped under the covers with her.

She opened her arms and Jane wasted no time to turn into Maura, she grabbed onto her so tight it was almost hard to breath. But Maura didn't mind, she would do whatever it takes, whatever Jane needed.


	18. The Statement

**A/N: I got such an excellent response to the last chapter, so here's another one for you. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 18

* * *

The next morning Jane and Maura were still asleep in bed, lying in each others arms, when the doctors phone rang. Maura could feel Jane's body instantly tense up and she wished she had turned her phone off; she reluctantly let go of the woman and sat up to answer her phone.

"Dr. Isles," she said, -"yes, Jane's home now." - "No, she's still sleeping."

Jane opened her eyes and looked up at Maura.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now," Maura continued while looking back at Jane, -"I'm not sure, - okay, hold on."

Maura pressed the mute button on her phone and glanced at Jane, frowning. "I'm sorry, Jane, but it's Vince, he wants to know when he can come over to get your statement. Apparently Lt. Cavanaugh has been getting a lot of pressure from higher up and they want to be able to close this case."

Jane took in a sharp breath, '_I forgot_', she thought, '_I'm a homicide detective and I forgot I still needed to give my statement'_.

She didn't want to give her statement, but she knew she had no choice, "today," she finally said, "but just Korsak, nobody else."

"Jane," Maura looked at her with concern, "if you're not up for it, they can wait a little longer."

The brunette shook her head, "no, let's just get it over with, the sooner the better."

Jane had now completely moved away from Maura, she had closed her eyes again, trying to hide her anxiety at the prospect of having to talk about the events.

Maura worried that for Jane to give her statement today would be too much, too soon, she noticed the tense muscles in Jane's neck and shoulders and she silently cursed at the interruption of the phone call, she should have turned her phone off, or at least silenced it. Last night Jane had been a little embarrassed about breaking down in the shower, but she had been open and vulnerable, but now it was gone again. Without even being able to see the brunette's eyes, she knew the walls were back up.

Oh, how she wished Jane would just talk to her and tell her what was going on in her head, but she could see Jane was very much on edge right now and she did not want to push her over.

While Maura was thinking about what to do, they both heard the sound of something falling in the kitchen.

Jane, startled, just about shot up in bed, hurting her still healing body in the process, "Son of Bitch!" she hissed falling back onto the bed.

"It's ok, Jane. It's just your mother," Maura said putting a hand on the brunette's shoulder, "she's probably making breakfast."

Jane was still trying to ward off the pain, while quietly muttering to herself. Another thing she was embarrassed about; any loud or sudden noise now startled her, it made her fight or flight instinct kick in instantly. While she was trying to calm herself down, she could hear Maura talk to her, the doctor was rubbing her shoulder and telling her to breath, she didn't even realize that she had been holding her breath. Maura had been so good to her, she really didn't deserve her. What could she possibly offer Maura now; Jane felt disgusted with her own weak broken state.

* * *

Maura quickly ran through her morning routine before helping Jane with hers. They both left the bedroom and joined Angela in the kitchen; pancakes were waiting for both of them. Jane was even more withdrawn than usual, not really eating anything, just poking at her food and moving it around her plate.

"I can make you something else, if you don't want pancakes." Angela said looking at her daughter.

Silence.

"You want some cereal instead, Jane?" Angela tried again. When her daughter still didn't respond, she looked at Maura in concern.

Maura put her hand on Jane's forearm, "Jane?"

The touch drew the brunette out of her musings, she looked at Maura then at her mother apologetically, "I'm sorry, what?"

Angela pointed at the mostly untouched food, "you want me to make you something else to eat?"

Jane looked at her plate, putting her fork down now, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just not very hungry yet."

"No worries, maybe you'll have more of an appetite later." Angela finished cleaning up the kitchen, said her goodbyes and left the house to go to work.

Maura helped Jane to the living room, they both sat down on the couch and watched TV.

After a while Jane grabbed the remote and muted the sound, "Maur?"

"Yes?"

"I don't really know how to say this, but when Korsak comes, I need you to not be here."

Maura felt hurt, "why?" she asked.

"Because …" well, what was she supposed to say now, she didn't want to hurt Maura's feelings, but she couldn't have her there, next to her when she was giving her statement. She didn't want Maura to know the details of what happened to her, the thought of it made her break out in a cold sweat. It was bad enough that she was going to appear weak in front of Korsak, she couldn't do it in front of Maura, she didn't want the doctor to look at her in pity.

"Because…" she tried again, trying to find the right words, but not being able to, "I can't explain it, Maura. You just can't be here."

Maura was trying not to overreact, but she couldn't help but feel rejected, "fine," she said, "if that's what you want."

"Please, don't be mad at me," Jane begged.

Maura looked at the brunette, Jane looked so lost, it broke her heart. She shook her head, "I'm not mad, Jane. I'm just worried about you."

* * *

Around 10 am there was a knock at the door, Maura got up and opened the door to find Korsak standing outside.

She showed him the way to where Jane was sitting, she grabbed her keys and bag, before leaning over next to Jane, "are you sure?" she asked the brunette.

Jane nodded.

"Call me if you need me," Maura said, she leaned in to give Jane a kiss and looked at Korsak who was still standing there, giving him a stern look as if to say, '_be careful, don't push her_.'

After Maura left the house, Korsak finally moved further into the living room, "how're you feeling?" he asked while sitting down.

"I'm fine, Korsak, let's just get this over with," Jane said, not feeling the need to chit chat.

So they did, Jane and Korsak got right into it. The older detective asked questions and Jane answered them, she told Korsak what he needed to know, but still left out most of the details. She told him why she had went to the warehouse and how she got inside, she told him how Roy had surprised her and knocked her unconscious. She also told Korsak about the injuries Roy had inflicted, but not about the game he had played with her. She told him about the drugs Roy had administered, but not what she had seen during her delusions. The older detective knew Jane was censuring her statement, and he pushed her a few times for more details, but mostly just let it be.

After forty-five minutes they were done, Jane looked extremely pale and Korsak did not want to leave her by herself, but Jane urged him to go, '_she would be fine_', she said, '_she just needed to rest_'. Reluctantly the older detective got up and left Jane alone. He got in his car to drive back to the station, but not before calling Maura to tell her to come home as soon as she could.

During her statement with Korsak, Jane had felt numb, she had shut down her emotions as most as she could and just pushed through it. Now she was alone and she felt very weak and tired, she grabbed her crutches and struggled her way over to the bathroom, she made it just in time before she felt her stomach turn and she emptied what little content was in there, she wiped her mouth and tried to stand back up but her body felt like rubber. With no other choice, she just let herself slide back to the floor so she could rest her head on the cold tile for a few minutes and regain her strength.

* * *

Maura had rushed home, she had expected the meeting between Korsak and Jane to take longer than it did, so when he had called, she was still waiting at the grocery store check out line. It had taken her thirty minutes to get back home; she hoped Jane was okay.

"Jane?" she called out soon as she walked inside the house, but she was met with silence. A little panicked she checked the living room and kitchen, finally she found Jane lying on the bathroom floor; fast asleep.

After the initial scare of finding the brunette on the floor, Maura breathed a sigh of relief when she was able to wake Jane up. She helped the bone tired woman to the bedroom and in bed, before she backed out of the room and closed the door.

* * *

Around 5 pm that evening, Angela walked into the house, ready to start dinner.

Angela looked around the house, "no Jane?", she asked.

"Jane's still sleeping. I tried to wake her earlier, but she was really out of it. The human body does heal quicker when you're sleep; I'll get her up when dinner's ready." Maura stepped next to Angela, "you need any help?"

"Sure, you can make the salad if you want."

Maura nodded and started the process, happy to clear her mind for a moment.

* * *

It was about fifteen minutes later when Frankie knocked on the back door before walking inside the house.

He gave his mom a kiss and said a polite "hello" to Maura. He still had not completely gotten over his problem with Maura, but he had gotten better about it, he didn't blame her for the events anymore, he knew it wasn't her fault. He realized his reaction had just been an emotional response to the trauma of his sister. But part of him was still a little irked about the fact Maura had been on the other side of the world with Ian when it happened. Jane had not said too much about it, but he knew Maura's leaving had hurt her. He was very loyal to his sister and the thought of anyone hurting her in any way, brought out his over protective side. So he was mostly friendly with Maura, but remained a little standoffish.

* * *

Maura and Angela were still cooking in the kitchen, while Frankie was sitting on the couch watching some TV; Tommy wasn't there, he had to work tonight.

All of a sudden they heard Jane screaming in the other room, they all ran into Maura's bedroom where they found Jane on the floor next to the bed, awake, but looking frightened.

"Oh my god, Jane. What happened?" Angela said kneeling down next to her daughter trying to help her up, but Jane swatted away her arms. "Don't," she cried, "don't touch me."

Angela looked at her daughter in shock, "I'm just trying to help, Jane," she tried, reaching out her hands again to touch her.

"Please, don't" Jane now begged, "leave, please, …leave, get out!"

Maura seeing the distress and devastation in Jane, took action and pushed Frankie and Angela out of the room, "go," she told them, "I'll stay with her, I'll take care of her."

Frankie reluctantly pulled his mother out of the room, their hearts felt broken, they were both rattled and shaken by seeing Jane in this state, they didn't understand what just happened.

After closing the door, Maura kneeled down next to Jane, but she didn't reach out to touch her, not yet.

She knew Korsak taking Jane's statement today would be too much for the brunette, Jane had just come home from the hospital yesterday, she should have never allowed it.

Jane had curled in on herself now, as much as that was possible with her one leg still in a cast and just stared in front of her.

A few minutes of silence passed before Maura spoke, "Jane, what happened?"

Silence

"Jane?"

A deep sigh.

"Was it another dream?"

Jane nodded, it was barely perceptible, but Maura saw it.

"You want to tell me what it was about?"

Another sigh, more silence, finally, "Roy," Jane spoke her voice quiet and rough.

Maura didn't say anything, just hoping Jane would elaborate.

"He, … ," Jane tried, "he... you died," she finally said, then shook her head unable to continue, the images of her dream had been too real, she had relived the moment Roy had killed Maura again and she had tried to fight him in her dream. Her own screaming had woken her up and in her panic she had tried to get out of bed, but she had fallen to the floor instead.

Maura scooted closer next to Jane, "I'm here, Jane."

When Jane didn't immediately respond, Maura took the risk and reached out for her, she gently put her hands under the brunette's arms, pulling her closer so she was now resting against her. "I'm here, Jane," she repeated again. She didn't fully understand what Jane's dream had been about, but she was smart enough to figure out that whatever had scared Jane so bad while sleeping, she had been a part of it.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will be somewhat of a breaking point for Jane, we are going to start making progress. In the mean time, please review. It only takes a few seconds and there is nothing more encouraging for a writer than feedback.**


	19. The Sleepwalker

**A/N: Hope you're all still with me. This chapter...ugh, I just couldn't stop tinkering with it. But here it is, a little later than planned, but oh well. Enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 19

* * *

The week after Jane had woken up screaming things went from bad to worse. One thing that was starting to take it's toll on her, was her inability to fall asleep at night. Again tonight, it was closing in on 2 am and the brunette was still wide awake. The nightmares she had while sleeping were bad, but it was actually worse being awake and alert during the night.

* * *

The mind, when exhausted, can come up with some weird things, especially when you are on heavy pain medication and staring into the darkness, for Jane it made her hyper aware to any sound around her. She could hear Maura's soft steady breathing next to her and Jo Friday's snoring in the living room; earlier she had heard how the mutt had been dreaming, softly barking in her sleep. Every so often the furnace came on and she could hear the sound of the heat blowing throughout the house. But she could also hear something else, something unidentified, something outside; in her tired and over stimulated brain it became a sound of danger.

Thinking someone was out there, Jane slowly sat up in bed, pushing her legs over the edge and pulling her crutches towards her. She tried to do everything as silently as she could, so she would not wake up Maura. Jane made her way from the bedroom to the living room, she opened the drawer where she kept her gun and pulled it out, holding it in her right hand. It wasn't ideal, she wasn't ambidextrous, but she hoped that seeing the gun might be enough to deter whoever was out there. She turned off the alarm and opened the front door. Jane was so focused on whatever she thought was going on outside, she didn't realize the freezing cold coming at her through the open door, so she didn't bother to put on a jacket or anything else to protect her from the cold. She just had to go outside and eliminate whatever danger was out there, she had to protect Maura.

* * *

Maura turned around in bed, reaching her arm out to where Jane should have been, but instead of a warm body next to her, the spot next to her felt cold. Instantly alarmed, the blonde opened her eyes and searched the room around her. She held still, listening for any sound of Jane, '_maybe she has just gone to the bathroom_,' she thought briefly, but her instincts told her otherwise.

Maura got out of bed and pulled on her robe, she checked the bathroom on her way to the living room. When she passed her front door, she was shocked to see it was open. "Jane?" she softly called out, hoping to hear a response. The blonde quickly put on some shoes and pulled a jacket over her robe before walking through the open door, all the while being filled with an increasing sense of dread.

"Jane?" she called out while walking down her driveway, nothing. Maura looked left and right, wishing she would have grabbed a flashlight before going outside. She shivered and pulled her jacket closer around her, trying to ward off the bitter cold wind, it was still the dead of winter in Boston and the temperature was well below freezing. "Jane!" she called out again, a little louder now. Maura quickly walked back up her driveway, deciding to call someone for help. When she got closer to her front door, she saw it, a dark figure hunched over on the side of her house; Jane.

Maura ran over to where the brunette was sitting on the ground.

Jane was staring straight ahead, dazed, not acknowledging Maura calling her name, oblivious to her surroundings and the biting cold air around her.

"Jane, what are you doing out here?" Maura was almost in a full panic now, she kneeled down in front of Jane, trying to make eye contact.

The brunette was still unresponsive, her eyes fixed at something in front of her but not really seeing anything.

"You are scaring me," Maura said, trying to snap Jane out of her trance; she put her hands on the woman's face and felt how cold the skin was under her fingers, "come back to me, Jane, …please."

When Maura briefly glanced down, inspecting the brunette for injuries, she noticed the gun in her hand.

"Jane!" she was shouting now, grabbing the woman by the shoulders and shaking her.

The brunette finally blinked, snapping out of her stupor, "Maura?" she said, noticing for the first time where she was, "wha...why are we outside, why am I sitting on the ground?" This was also the first time she noticed how cold she was, her body instantly starting to shake.

"We have to get you inside, now! You are showing signs of hypothermia, we have to get you warm." She pulled on Jane to get her up, supporting most of her weight as the brunette seemed unable to remain standing on her own. Maura managed to get Jane inside her bedroom and pulled the cold and damp clothes off her body, pushing Jane on the bed and under the covers, before taking off her own clothes and joining the brunette to warm her up; she tried to cover as much of the brunette's cold skin as she could, trying to reheat her with her own body heat. Jane was now violently shivering, which Maura knew was actually a good sign, she knew it was the body's natural response to try and create heat. After ten terrifying minutes that seemed to last forever, Jane finally stopped shaking and her body started to feel warm again.

When Maura was confident Jane's body temperature was getting close to being back to normal, she finally loosened her hold on the brunette, pulling back a little to look at her, again checking for any new injuries.

"Jane, what happened, what were you doing outside?" Maura was still terrified, fighting back the tears as she spoke, "you could have died out there."

"I…I don't remember," Jane's confused answer came, she had no recollection of going outside at all, she remembered lying in bed unable to go to sleep and then she woke up outside, "I am losing my mind, aren't I?" she said fear evident in her voice.

Maura just shook her head, but she did grab on to Jane a little tighter.

Neither of them was able to go back to sleep for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next day Jane was moody and irritable, but she did agree for Maura to take her to the hospital to run some tests, frankly she was more than a little freaked out herself from waking up outside in the middle of the night. They did an MRI on her and some other tests, but they all came up clean; there was nothing physically wrong with her that could explain Jane's black out. The doctor finally chalked it up to a combination of narcotics, exhaustion and emotional distress, it apparently had caused a bout of '_sleepwalking_'.

Jane, proud, stubborn and completely embarrassed about the whole ordeal, had tried to convince Maura that maybe she should continue her recovery in her own apartment, but the blonde had refused; Jane, exhausted and angry, had grabbed her stuff from Maura's room and moved into the guest room, closing the door behind her.

Maura knew Jane was hurt and struggling, but there was only so much the doctor could take, the realization of what could have happened that night if she would have woken up just a little later, had hit her hard.

Jane was getting worse every day and Maura was just about at her wits end, she was going to make the stubborn woman talk to her today and she was not going to give up this time.

* * *

Jane was sitting on the bed in the guest room, looking on her laptop, when Maura sat down next to her.

"Jane," Maura started, "we should talk about what happened last night."

The brunette, still a little on edge from the events, looked up at the doctor and put her laptop to the side, "you heard the doctors, apparently I was "sleepwalking", what else is there to say about it?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Jane," Maura tried in a kinder tone of voice, "please talk to me, tell me what's going on in your head?" she pleaded.

"Why?"

"Because you need to start talking, you are bottling everything up and it is making things worse. Don't you see, you could have died last night, I could have lost you."

Jane felt terrible for putting Maura through that, the blonde didn't deserve having to deal with any of this. This was all her fault, it was her fault she had gotten caught by Roy, it was her fault Sam had to watch her get tortured, and now it was her fault that Maura had to put her life on hold to take care of her; everything was her fault.

Maura was observing the emotions that were playing across Jane's face, she knew the brunette was vulnerable right now and she felt bad for doing this, but she knew this was the moment to keep pushing. She also knew that by doing this, one of two things would happen; Jane was either going to shut down and push her away completely or she was going to give in and open up, Maura was hoping for the latter.

"I can feel you slipping away from me Jane and it hurts; _you_, shutting me out, it's hurting me."

Jane now appeared pained, she didn't want to hurt Maura, she never wanted to hurt her.

Maura put her hand on the brunette's crossed arms, trying to uncross them.

"Please, Jane, tell me what you are thinking, tell me what happened to you."

"No, Maura. I am not going to tell you, I don't want you to know."

"Don't you trust me?" Maura said, trying a different tactic.

"That's not fair, Maura. You know I trust you, this has nothing to do with trust." Jane glared at her, "telling you or anyone else, it will make no difference," she scooted away from Maura on the bed.

"I want to understand, I want to help you," Maura moved closer, she could tell Jane was frustrated and a little angry, but she wasn't going to give up, not this time. "Please?"

"No! You can't help me."

"Please, let me try." Maura was pleading now, "tell me, talk to me."

"I can't." Jane closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to push away the frustrated tears that were welling up.

"Jane, not talking is tearing you apart, it's tearing you away from me." Maura knew it wasn't fair to play on Jane's emotions, but the brunette had left her with no choice.

Silence

"Tell me, let me in."

Jane growled out of frustration.

"Jane!"

"Fine!" Jane finally gave in.

She didn't want Maura to find out how weak she was now, how Roy had broken her, how he had beaten her with his games, but Maura knowing or not knowing, it really didn't matter anymore, the moment Roy had caught her was when everything changed and there was no going back.

Maura said nothing, she just waited for Jane to continue.

Jane took a deep shuddering breath trying to steady herself, before opening her mouth and telling Maura everything that Roy did to her.

She told her how she had gone to the warehouse without back up, how Roy had snuck up on her and knocked her out. How she woke up in a room with Sam, tied up and helpless. She explained the sadistic games Roy had insisted on playing; how he had asked her questions that she couldn't possibly answer correctly. How every time she got the answer wrong, he would hurt her, in whatever way he could think of, just so he could hear her scream in pain. How he made Sam watch, how he threatened to hurt the kid if she refused to play along and how she found out the hard way that it wasn't an empty threat, when Roy had hurt Sam in front of her.

Jane kept talking, not really looking at Maura anymore, she couldn't watch as the doctor looked at her in pity.

Then she told the blonde how Roy had drugged her. How for hours she had seen the most disturbing and dark images imaginable and how Roy had played on her fears to intensify them; how she _let_ him convince her Maura was dead.

How she had been so devastated and in so much pain, that she wished she would just die and if Roy had given her the choice she would have gladly eaten her own gun, just to stop hurting.

Maura was trying to hold back her tears, trying to stay strong, while her mind came up with the images of all the things Jane had endured. She couldn't help but reach out for her, but Jane jerked away from the touch.

Finally she told Maura about the constant nightmares she endured, how they would wake her up a couple of times a night, every night; if she could even fall asleep at all. And about the flashbacks she has when she's awake, how they are so frequent, she can barely tell if she's awake or asleep anymore.

When Jane was finally done talking, she looked at Maura, her eyes dark and sad, her voice no more than a low whisper, "Is that what you wanted to know?"

Maura nodded, not sure what to say to comfort the devastated woman in front of her.

"Well, now you know. Now you know how broken I really am, how sad and pathetic I have become. How there is nothing left of me," Jane looked away now, "I don't know how you can even look at me anymore, because I know I can't." And she knew, Maura would never look at her the same way again, but maybe it was for the best. She lied back down on the bed, feeling completely drained and empty.

"Jane," Maura tried, she moved closer on the bed, but Jane held up her hands, she didn't want Maura's pity.

"Please, leave." Jane's voice was broken now, "I would leave myself if I could, but I can't. So, please, I'm so tired, can you please leave me alone."

It wasn't what Maura wanted, what she wanted was to hold the brunette and never let her go, but she had pushed Jane enough for today, she had to respect the woman's need to be alone for a little while.

"Okay, I'll leave you to yourself, so you can rest," she said while getting off the bed, she lingered for a moment at the door, "I love you, Jane, and nothing will change that," Maura briefly waited, hoping for a response, but when none came, she left the room, closing the door behind her.

* * *

When Jane heard the door close behind Maura, she let herself fall back on the bed. She put her arm over her eyes and was willing herself not to cry again. She was so frustrated, feeling like crying all the time lately, it was why she had build the walls around herself, trying not to feel much of anything. But Maura had broken right through those walls; she groaned loudly. Jane Rizzoli did not cry, she was strong and tough and she could handle anything that came her way. Serial killers and deranged psychopaths included; or so she tried telling herself.

When she heard the front door open and close a few minutes later, she got up from the bed. Maura had left; '_good_', she though, '_she's better off without me_'. But the thought of being without Maura just made her feel so lost and hurt. She grabbed her crutches and struggled her way into the kitchen; she needed something, something to numb her pain. In the back of her mind she knew that what she was planning to do, was probably not a good idea, considering she was still on some heavy pain medication, but she just didn't care. She reached into the cabinet where Maura stored her liquor and was glad to find something a little stronger than wine in there. She pulled out the bottle of Jack, fighting with the cap for a while, finally using her teeth to open it. She took a healthy swig straight from the bottle, feeling the liquid burn going down her throat all the way into her stomach. She took another gulp, then fought her way to the living room couch where she let herself fall back into the cushions.

* * *

Maura had gone for a quick run, she needed to think, to clear her mind, so she could figure out the best way to approach Jane now. Maura was glad Jane had finally opened up to her, it wasn't the way she had planned, but the end result was the same. Now she knew.

While listening to Jane, talking about all the things Roy did to her, Maura could almost feel the pain that Jane had experienced, she had no idea how bad it had really been, nobody knew. Maura could hear the devastation in Jane's voice, the fear she had felt, the anger and frustration, the self loathing.

If only Jane could see how strong she really was, she had survived, above all odds, she had survived, again. But Jane didn't see it, so Maura would just have to show her, to reassure Jane of her love and give her all the help she needed. With renewed courage Maura walked back into the house.

* * *

When she entered her house, she noticed Jane was sitting in the living room. She walked around the couch and the first thing she saw was the bottle of Jack in Jane's hand.

The brunette looked up at Maura, glassy look in her eyes. '_how long was I gone?_' Maura thought to herself.

"Maurrr," Jane slurred.

'_Too long_' Maura realized, she sat herself next to Jane on the couch, surprised how little time it had taken for Jane to get completely drunk.

Jane leaned her head back on the couch, angling her face towards Maura, she wasn't just drunk, the alcohol in combination with her pain medication made her a little loopy as well, "why did you leave me, Maur?"

"I didn't leave, I just went for a run, Jane."

"No, not now," Jane shook her head, "before."

Maura was a little confused what Jane was talking about, "before, when?"

"Before," Jane was looking a little frustrated that Maura didn't understand what she meant.

"Before," Maura repeated, thinking hard, and then it dawned on her, "oh…Oh! You mean, Africa?"

"Yes, why did you leave me, ...for Africa, it hurt, Maur."

"Oh Jane, "Maura realized that with everything that had been going on, they never did talk about Ian and Africa, and she didn't want to have this conversation while Jane was completely inebriated. She grabbed the bottle of Jack from Jane's hand and put it down on the table.

"I'll never be Ian," Jane said sadly, "love of your life, Ian."

Maura was trying to gauge how drunk Jane really was, just around the time she opened her mouth to say something, she got interrupted.

"Maur, you should go back, ... to Africa."

"I'm not going back to Africa, Jane." Maura said patiently, "I'm staying here."

"Why?"

"Because I love _you_, Jane."

"But, ...I'm broken." the brunette let out a deep sigh, looking so sad.

"Oh, Jane, you're not broken," Maura pulled Jane towards her.

"Maur?" Jane mumbled against her shoulder.

"Yes?"

"I'm hurt," she whispered like she was telling her a secret.

"I know, Jane, I know."

Jane and Maura were both quiet for a while, but they held on to each other. After about ten minutes, Maura believed Jane must have fallen asleep, so when the brunette spoke again, it startled her a bit.

"Maur?" Jane said, flexing her arms to hold Maura a little tighter.

Maura squeezed her in response to indicate she was listening.

"I need help."

"Yes, you do. We're going to get you help Jane, I promise, we'll get through this, you will get better."

A few more moments of quiet.

"Maur?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Maura planted a kiss on the top of Jane's head in response.

...

"Maur?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"I love you."

Maura felt a lump forming in her throat, "I love you too, Jane. I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: Hopefully your feedback will bring back my muse, I think she's taking a nice vacation on some remote island, without me...the nerve!**

** So yea...cookies? ;-)**


	20. The Acceptance of Help

Chapter 20

* * *

Considering how completely inebriated Jane had been, it wasn't surprising to Maura that the brunette did doze off to sleep. Jane had slid down so she was now resting with her head on Maura's lap and she was out cold.

Maura didn't mind being used as a pillow by Jane, she was slowly running her hands through the brunette's dark locks, deep in thought. She was trying to come up with some sort of 'strategic plan' to get Jane the help she needed. It wasn't going to be easy, Jane had admitted to needing help, but she had done so while being drunk. Soon as she would wake up, she probably wouldn't remember much of what she had said.

Maura also had to address the Africa and Ian issue, and soon. Jane was more upset about it than Maura had even realized, there were some insecurities at play on Jane's part that she needed to quell, she would have to reassure Jane of her love for her, now more so than before.

She hated the idea of Jane thinking she wasn't good enough, Maura looked down at the brunette "If you only knew how much you really mean to me, Jane," she whispered, stating what was in her heart. They were definitely going to have to work on their communication with each other. Jane didn't like to talk about her emotions in normal circumstances, but when she felt insecure in any way, it felt sometimes like pulling teeth, which, she now thought was a very strange expression.

Maura was also going to have to sit down with Frankie one of these days, she wasn't oblivious to his distant attitude, she had just chosen to ignore it until now. She hoped that by being able to explain what happened, and reassure him of her love for Jane, things would work themselves out. Jane needed everyone around her to get along, she did not need any additional friction in her immediate circle.

* * *

Maura was interrupted in her musings by Angela coming in through the backdoor.

"Maura?" Angela called into the house, "there you are," she said when she saw Maura sitting in the living room.

Maura raised her finger to her lips to get Angela to lower her voice.

"Oh, …sorry," Angela said when she saw Jane lying on the couch.

Jane had started to stir in her sleep a little, but when Maura continued gently moving her fingers through her hair, she seemed to settle down again.

Angela took a seat in one of the other chairs in the living room, looking at her daughter.

"How is she?" Angela spoke in a quiet tone now.

"Right now, she's still a little drunk I would imagine."

"Wha..?" Angela caught herself before she could fully raise her voice.

Maura took a moment, trying to decide if she should share the events of today with Jane's mother or not; she needed to talk to someone, and unlike what Jane usually said, she knew Angela could keep things to herself if needed.

"After last nights 'events'," Maura started, looking at Angela who needed no further explanation, she already knew what had happened, "I pushed her, I pushed her to talk to me."

Angela stayed quiet, waiting for the doctor to continue.

"She finally did, ...talk to me I mean, she told me everything that happened to her," when Angela looked at her like she wanted her to expand on that, Maura shook her head, "I can't tell you, if she wants you to know, it needs to come from Jane herself."

Angela reluctantly agreed, it was probably best she didn't know any details anyway; she motioned for Maura to continue talking.

"When she finished, she wanted to be alone, so I gave her a moment to herself; I went for a run to clear my head and when I came back, she had taken to drinking," Maura finished pointing at the bottle of Jack still sitting on the table.

"But she finally talked, she trusted you, she opened up." Angela said.

"I don't know if it's trust, Angela. I pushed her, almost manipulated her until she broke."

"You know how stubborn my daughter can be, if she really didn't want to tell you, she wouldn't have."

Angela shook her head, she looked again at her daughter that was still asleep, "you know," she said, pointing to Jane, "you're the only person I've ever seen her comfortable enough, to do that with. She never even lied like that with me when she was a kid, she was always trying to squirm away, but she does it with you. She lets you take care of her, she trusts you."

Maura took a deep breath, not sure how to respond, "I love her so much, Angela."

"She loves you just as much; I can see it. Even when she's angry, when she's pushing everyone away, including me, she still wants you around, she looks to you for comfort."

"Not lately," Maura said a little frustration evident in her voice.

"No, Maura, even now, even when she's angry. Have you not noticed lately, how careful she is not to aim her frustrations directly at you, that when she's angry, she directs it at herself and everyone around her, including inanimate objects, but never at you. She doesn't want anyone else around her, not me, not even Frankie. Except you, she doesn't want to push you away."

"I think she's afraid I'll leave her," Maura stated, "but I won't, I would never, I couldn't."

"I know you won't, Maura, just keep telling her that; she can be a little stubborn at times you know." Angela softly chuckled thinking it was the understatement of the year.

The women continued talking in hushed tones for a little longer until Jane started to move around in her sleep, looking at her body language it showed the start of another nightmare. Maura had hoped that now Jane had talked to her, the dreams might stay away, but it appeared not to be that easy.

Maura glanced at Angela, quietly requesting for her to leave, she knew Jane would not want her mother to see her like this again; Angela understood this all to well and left the house, saying she would be back later.

* * *

Thankfully Maura had been able to wake Jane up before she went into the dream too far. Jane had been very groggy upon wakening and a little hungover as well. Maura had left her on the couch by herself and got her something to eat and a glass of water. Jane had been reluctant to eat, but with a little added pressure she had eaten at least half of the offered meal and drank most of the water.

Jane was sitting up straight, back against the arm rest, legs stretched in front of her, glancing over at Maura cleaning up in the kitchen. Besides seriously regretting her encounter with the bottle of Jack, she felt, well, she wasn't sure exactly how she felt at the moment, embarrassed, emotional, scared, tired, cranky, and nervous, yes, definitely nervous.

Jane was waiting for Maura to sit down again, she knew they had to talk.

* * *

When Maura finally sat down, they just gazed at each other for a few long moments, neither of them knowing exactly how to start the conversation.

"I'm so sorry, Maur," Jane finally said, "I shouldn't have snapped at you earlier and I'm sorry I got drunk."

"It's okay, Jane. You have nothing to be sorry about and I'm so glad you finally told me what happened, I just wish you would have told me sooner."

Jane closed her eyes, trying to fight the negative thoughts seeping into her mind, '_Maura knows now, she'll just think I'm weak, she'll leave me_', she thought sadly.

When she opened her eyes again, the blonde was a lot closer to her than she had been before, Maura reached out and cupped Jane's face between her hands, "don't do that, Jane, don't hide from me. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you, I'm not going back to Africa, I'm not going back to Ian. I'm so sorry I hurt you by leaving, I should have made it clear that what I used to feel for Ian, is nothing compared to what I feel for you now. You are so much more, _we_ are so much more together than him and I ever were, and I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner; I shouldn't have left without telling you."

Jane just looked at the blonde, her mouth a little slack, whatever she thought Maura was going to say, she hadn't expected that; her still groggy mind was struggling to form a response.

When Jane just stayed silent, Maura continued. "I am right here, Jane, I am not leaving you. What Roy did to you, it doesn't change my feelings for you."

Maura paused for a minute, still holding Jane's face, looking deeply into her eyes, knowing that this was the moment she needed to push.

"You are still you, but you do need help."

Jane looked like she was about to protest, but Maura just kept talking.

"I know you don't want help, I know you think it will mean you are weak, but you are wrong. You are so strong and you will get through this, you are going to get better."

Jane still looked reluctant, but Maura wasn't above begging to get what she knew Jane needed.

"Please, will you let me get you help, Jane, ...please?"

Jane wanted to say no, she had been able to pull herself back together after Hoyt and after Dominic, she wanted to get out of this by herself, but she also knew she was getting worse every day instead of better. She felt like she was drowning, unable to come up for air, maybe she would just have to trust Maura; Jane finally nodded, "okay," she said.

Maura closed her eyes, letting out a deep relieved breath, "okay," she said as well.

Jane took the opportunity while Maura was this close, to pull her forward, flush against her own body. The sudden impact hurt her ribs a little, but the pain was worth it, Maura knew now and she hadn't left, maybe everything would be okay after all.


	21. The Road To Recovery

Chapter 21

* * *

Jane had been awake for a while in the guest room before she finally got up. Maura had wanted her to move back in her bed the previous night, but she just wasn't ready for that yet. In a way she was glad she had talked to Maura the day before, but it didn't really change anything. She was still up most of the night, she still had nightmares, she still had flashbacks and she still was scared. It was pointless to keep Maura awake during the night, just because she was. Jane had agreed to get help with her problems, albeit reluctantly. She didn't believe in therapy, never had, it hadn't made a difference after Hoyt and the only reason she had agreed to it at the time was because it was mandatory before she was allowed back to work. But she had promised Maura, so she would try.

Maura had been so kind yesterday and last night, she had told Jane everything she needed to hear, and more. And Jane wanted to believe Maura when she told her she loved her and wouldn't leave her, but she had a hard time doing so. Her own self image had suffered so much in the last few weeks, it was hard to imagine she would ever be the same person again. She hardly recognized herself these days, she felt so weak and defeated most of the time. This wasn't her, this wasn't Jane Rizzoli, tough detective, strong and confident, she did not like this person that she had become now. And she didn't understand why she couldn't snap out of it.

Jane decided that today was the day she would try and stop with her pain medications, they made her feel fuzzy and tired all the time. She would deal with any pain, she just needed a clear head, so she could take on the obstacles in her way head on. She stretched her tired limbs and pulled her crutches towards her, she couldn't wait until the day these casts would come off. Only about four more weeks to go. She had gotten a little better about taking care of herself, but there where still things she couldn't do and she hated asking for help. It was embarrassing, made her feel like a child, helpless. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, no point in getting upset and angry already, the day hadn't even really started yet. If anything she was going to make a real effort to appear better in front of Maura, the blonde had been so happy last night and so full of hope, Jane didn't want to crush her spirit so soon. So she put on her best impression of being okay today and half hopped, half walked into the kitchen.

* * *

Maura, who had been up since 6 am that morning, had been doing some research on her computer, she had also made a couple of phone calls already, trying to find the best psychologist in the state of Massachusetts. When she heard Jane leave the guest room she looked up at the brunette with a bright smile on her face, today was going to be the day that things were going to get better for Jane.

"Hey babe," Jane greeted her when she entered the kitchen, she lowered herself down on the chair next to Maura.

"Hey," Maura replied leaning over to give Jane a peck on the lips, "you hungry?"

"I guess I could eat something, did you eat yet?"

"No, I was waiting for you actually," Maura said with a sheepish smile on her face.

The blonde got up and made them both a light breakfast before sitting down again, occasionally glancing over at Jane while they were eating.

"So," Maura said, when she finished eating, pushing her plate away from her.

"So," Jane responded, looking at Maura.

"I, uh, I made a couple phone calls this morning."

…

"I found someone that can help you."

Jane looked at Maura, unreadable expression on her face.

"Her name is Dr. Amber Liberty, she's known as one of the best psychologist in her field and she has a lot of experience treating people that were in similar situations like yours."

"You mean, people that were tortured by a psychopath kind of people?" Jane said with a little bite in her voice.

"Jane," Maura shook her head.

"Sorry," Jane said quickly, "I didn't mean that the way it came out, please continue."

"If you want, she can see you today, this morning."

…

"Jane?"

"Yea, yes, I'm sorry, that's fine, it's just a little sooner than I thought."

"I can change it to a later date, if you want, I just thought - "

"No," Jane interrupted her, "today is fine, the sooner, the better, right?"

Maura put her hand on Jane's shoulder, gently squeezing it, "I know you don't like therapy, but will you try, not just for me, but for yourself?"

Jane looked at Maura, nodding her head, "I will."

* * *

It was a few minutes before 11 am and Jane was sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Liberty's office, she was drumming with her fingers against the cast of her leg, she was nervous. Maura reached out and put her hand on top of Jane's to try to relax her and stop her fidgeting. When the door opened at exactly 11 am, Jane almost jumped up and bolted out of the room, but instead she let Maura help her up and into Dr. Liberty's office, after making their introductions, Maura gave Jane a reassuring look before leaving the room to wait outside.

* * *

Jane was sitting in one of the chairs in Dr. Liberty's office, she was looking around, taking in her surroundings. The walls in the room were painted in low earth tones, the furniture was comfortable, it was obviously decorated to provide an inviting peaceful atmosphere for the patients. '_Patient_', Jane thought, she did not like that term and what it entailed.

She took a moment to observe the doctor herself, she appeared friendly enough; dark blonde, with a kind, open face, late 40's or possibly early 50's, she looked to be fairly healthy, probably engaged regularly in some kind of sports activity, no ring, so probably not married, maybe divorced, and definitely a mother, if the pictures on her desk were any indication.

While Jane was observing the room, Dr. Liberty was observing Jane. She noticed how Jane was tapping her left foot on the floor, how her eyes roamed the room around her, how her hand kept going through her hair, how her breath was quicker than normal, the woman in front of her was definitely not at ease.

* * *

"Jane?", she finally said, trying to catch the brunette's eyes.

Jane stopped tapping her foot on the floor and looked at the doctor a little annoyed.

"Is it okay if I call you Jane? Or would you prefer something else?"

"Jane's fine."

"Okay, Jane. I can tell you're not comfortable being here, I understand that, but just try and relax. Nothing will happen today that you don't want to happen," she said, trying to give Jane some control, "let's just try to get to know each other a little," she gave the brunette a reassuring smile.

Jane nodded at the doctor, trying to stop her fidgeting, "you don't want to talk about what happened to me?"

"Not today; today I just want you to be comfortable. I want you to tell me a little bit about yourself."

"What would you like to know?"

"Whatever you want to share with me is fine."

Jane didn't really like talking about herself, but it was better than the alternative at the moment, this she could do, however she had no idea what to say.

Dr. Liberty aware of Jane's reluctance, decided to lend a hand and help her out, "why don't you tell me a little bit about your job?"

"I am a homicide detective for the Boston PD."

"Do you like what you do?"

"Usually, it's what I've always wanted to do, it's who I am."

"What is it about being a detective that appeals to you?"

Jane wiped her forehead with her hand, "I don't know, I guess I like the fact that I can help bring the victims justice, help the families in some way; try to make the streets a little safer."

"What about when you're not working, what sort of thing do you like to do to relax?"

"I don't really relax very often, it's hard for me to sit still and do nothing."

"What do you do then, when you're not working, how do you spend your days off?"

Jane almost smirked at the doctor, '_not working_' she thought, she's almost always working, rarely does she have a normal weekend.

"When I do have a day off I usually spend it with Maura, we'll watch a movie, workout, go for drinks or dinner, or we do other …stuff."

"Maura? Is that the woman you came in here with?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about Maura."

* * *

The conversation between Jane and Dr. Liberty continued in pretty much the same fashion for the rest of the session, the doctor would ask questions and Jane would mostly answer them, talking about her family, her dog, her apartment, her job, Maura, even the Red Sox passed in conversation. When the time was up Jane was a little surprised it had passed so quickly, it hadn't been too bad.

"Okay, Jane, our time is up for today, but I would like for you to come back the day after tomorrow, and I would like to see you three times a week for now; does that work for you?"

"I don't really have much of a choice now, do I."

"You always have a choice, Jane. You can choose to stop coming here at any time, but I hope you'll come back. I think I can help you, if you let me."

Jane gave it some thought before answering, finally she nodded her head, "okay doc, therapy never helped me in the past, but I will give this a try."

"I'm glad to hear that," Dr. Liberty gave Jane a reassuring smile, "now there is one thing I would like you to do for me before you come back for your next session."

"What?" Jane asked.

"I want you to try and relax, give yourself a break, do something that you enjoy doing, or go somewhere that makes you feel comfortable. I know you are a little immobile still, but I'm sure you can come up with something. That's your only assignment for now. Can you try and do that?"

* * *

On the ride home, Jane dozed off in the car, the day had been more draining for her than she had anticipated.

She woke up when Maura whispered in her ear, "we're home."

Jane cracked open her eyes and turned her face towards Maura, "hey", she whispered, voice low and drowsy.

"Hey, yourself." Maura responded, leaning in to give her a kiss on her nose.

Jane scrunched up her nose in response, "you missed," she said, before pulling the blonde into a real kiss.

"You're cute, when you're sleepy."

"No, I am not, I am never cute," Jane said in mock protest.

Maura helped Jane out of the car and into the house, they both sat down in the living room.

"Can you tell me how it went?" Maura asked tentatively, "I'm sorry if you don't want me to ask and you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to, I just -"

Jane put her hand on Maura's lips to stop her, "Maur. You can ask, I don't mind. I might not always tell you everything, but I never want you to feel like you can't ask, okay?"

After Maura nodded her agreement, Jane thought for a moment, "I don't really know what to think yet; she's different than other therapists I've seen before, she didn't push me to talk about anything I didn't want to talk about. She didn't push drugs onto me to help with the symptoms, which I appreciate. It was weird, but not uncomfortable."

Maura smiled one of her happy smiles at Jane, and this actually warmed the brunette's heart.

"She did give me a kind of odd assignment before I see her next."

"Oh? What kind of assignment?"

"She wants me to do something that will relax me."

"Like what?"

"Anything, I guess. I'm not really sure." Jane ran her hand through her hair, "you have any suggestions?"

"I'm sure we can come up with something," Maura said in a teasing tone of voice.

Jane glanced over at Maura, trying to read the expression on her face.

"So you're okay with seeing Dr. Liberty again?"

The brunette shrugged her shoulders, "yeah, I guess I am. I still don't believe it will make a difference, not really, but I am willing to give it a try."

Maura could tell Jane was done talking about it for now, "you want to lie down for a bit and rest, you must be pretty tired."

"Hmm, I am tired, but I don't want to lie down, how about we start the relaxing right now, I think I came up with something" Jane said wiggling her eyebrows, while tugging on Maura until the blonde was straddling her lap.

"Jane, I don't want to hurt you, we have to be careful, your injuries, they are, - hmppff" she was interrupted by Jane pulling her head forward and kissing her mouth.

"Less talking, more relaxing" Jane said against her lips, before deepening the kiss.

Maura was happy to oblige, even if it was just for a little while; this was one of those rare moments, when Jane seemed to forget everything that had happened and would go back to her normal self. It never lasted, but Maura was going to make sure they both enjoyed themselves for as long as possible.

* * *

**A/N: To Red, it ain't over yet. Chapter 22 will deal with Jane's 'sober' thoughts on everything Africa; things will come to a full circle soon. I already wrote it, so it should be up soon.**

**To all of you lovely readers, I appreciate each and everyone of you for taking this journey with me, I will do my best to keep you entertained for the remainder of this story. Also thank you to everyone that takes the time to leave me a comment, they are a big part of what motivates me to keep writing. We are on our way to 300 reviews, which just absolutely blows my mind.**

**There will be little moments of fluff seeping into the next few chapters, but the drama isn't over yet. I am trying to stay realistic, there are no miracle cures in 'real life' and neither will there be in my story.**


	22. The Time To Talk

**A/N: Lots of things going on this chapter, enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 22

* * *

The next day, Maura and Jane had spent the day doing what Dr. Liberty had ordered, they did things that Jane enjoyed doing. Things that would distract her, things that would make her relax, it didn't work a hundred percent, but the day had been pleasant and it had been good for Maura as well. Jane had still occasionally drifted off into one of her flashbacks, but Maura had been able to bring her back to reality fairly quickly.

It was now the end of the day and Jane was trying to go to sleep; she was still sleeping in the guest room, she had been ever since the night she had woken up outside, almost freezing to death. She was lying on her back, looking up at the ceiling; she really missed sleeping next to Maura. Jane had never really been the cuddly type, except when it came to Maura, and now with everything that happened to her, her mind and body were aching for comfort, comfort that only Maura could bring her. '_So why are you still lying here by yourself?_' she thought to herself; a little frustrated. She pushed the comforter off her body and got out of bed.

When she got to Maura's door, the room was completely dark, the blonde had already gone to sleep. She hesitated for a moment, thinking she was being selfish for interrupting Maura's sleep. She had already put Maura through enough, did she really have to suffer through her night terrors? Jane almost went back to the guest room, but her desire for being with Maura won out in the end.

She hobbled over to her side of the bed and slid in next to Maura. The blonde already deep asleep didn't wake up, but she did turn into Jane, curling up against her, swinging one arm possessively over the brunette's chest. Jane smiled; she listened to Maura's quiet breaths, letting them lull her to sleep as well.

* * *

The next morning Maura awoke to the feeling of Jane's body next to her own, she opened her eyes briefly and saw the brunette was still deep asleep. Maura wanted to enjoy the sensation a little longer, so she closed her eyes again and went back to sleep herself. About an hour later she was woken up by the feeling of soft lips pressing small kisses all over her face, she turned her head to the side to give Jane access to her neck; who eagerly took advantage of the position. Maura softly moaned before opening her eyes, looking up into Jane's dark chocolate ones.

"Hey," the brunette said, her voice low and sleepy.

"Hey yourself," Maura answered back affectionately, she slid a hand behind Jane's neck and pulled her down into a slow, warm, sensual kiss.

When the need for air arose, Jane pulled back and leaned her head on her hand, propped up by her elbow, she was still holding Maura close with her left arm.

"I'm glad you slept here tonight," Maura said smiling brightly at Jane, "I missed you."

Jane frowned in thought for a moment before leaning in for another kiss, "I missed you too... I'm sorry I shut you out, for trying to push you away."

Maura pulled her hand from behind Jane's neck and moved it to rest it on her cheek, "I understand. I just hope you won't do it again."

"I'll try not to," she said, leaning her face more into the blonde's hand, "Maur, I need you, I don't think I can do this alone."

"Oh, Jane. I'm right here. We will get through this together, okay?"

The brunette nodded, tearing up a little, "I am such a mess," she said, lying her head down on Maura's shoulder.

Maura gave her a kiss on the top of her head, before resting back on her pillow. They both stayed silent for a few minutes.

The blonde finally looked over at her night stand, it was almost 9 am.

"Jane," she said, "I'd love to lie here with you all day, but you do have an appointment with Dr. Liberty at 11 am this morning."

The brunette groaned a little, tightening her grip on Maura, she turned her head so her face was nestled in the crook of Maura's neck and she continued her earlier exploration, lingering on the soft skin there, nibbling on the blonde's earlobe.

"As lovely…ugh…as this is…hmmm…" Maura was having a hard time forming a coherent sentence, she dipped her head kissing the brunette sweetly before gently pushing her away, "I don't want you to be late."

Jane actually pouted at her.

"Come on," she playfully swatted Jane on the arm, "I'll help you get ready."

* * *

It was now a little after 11 am and Jane was sitting in Dr. Liberty's office.

They spent a few minutes talking about the things Jane had done to relax herself the day before, it was something the doctor recommended for Jane to do regularly. Take one day a week and do something special for yourself. It doesn't always have to be a full day, but the doctor said it was important for her to take the time and deliberately focus on relaxation. It was something the brunette wasn't used to doing, but the day had been enjoyable and as long as she could spend it with Maura, Jane had no problems with it.

They were now getting into more serious territory.

"What was your week like before Roy captured you?," Dr. Liberty asked.

"It was…" Jane paused, thinking back about that time, "it…it all kind of blurs together really, I had worked almost non stop since we caught the case. We had no leads, no suspects, no evidence, courtesy of our replacement M.E. who had destroyed what we did have. We just couldn't catch a break and we were running out of time; it was very frustrating."

"Was that how you mostly felt that week? Frustrated?"

"Well...yes," Jane was unconsciously flexing her hand as she was talking, thinking back to that week.

"And? It looks like there's more you want to say," the doctor pushed a little.

"Angry, I was also angry," Jane finally admitted, "and I felt ...lonely."

"Why is that?" Dr. Liberty wrote something down on her notepad.

"Why I was angry? Or why I felt lonely?"

"Either one, or both."

"I was angry, because of the lack of leads, and the incompetence of the M.E."

"You said earlier, you had a replacement M.E., where was your regular M.E.?" the doctor looked back at her notes, "Dr. Isles wasn't there?"

"No, Dr. Isles…Maura was in Africa at the time," Jane crossed her arms, feeling uncomfortable.

"Is that why you felt lonely?"

The brunette puffed out a big breath of air, the conversation was now going in a direction she didn't want it to go in, "I don't see how that is relevant to anything."

Dr. Liberty almost looked like she was going to shrug her shoulders, but she tilted her head instead, "maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But lets pretend that it is important."

"Fine," Jane rolled her eyes, "I guess,…yes, it made me feel lonely."

"And angry?"

The brunette now glared at the woman, "No! …maybe, …yes, her absence made me angry, but not because she wasn't there to do her job. It is not her fault that the other M.E. 'Dr. Pike'," she spits out his name, "screwed up, that wasn't Maura's fault."

"Then why were you so angry at Maura?"

"Because, …" she was motioning with both hands now, "because, I needed her and she wasn't there, she left me and there was nothing I could do to stop her."

"Are you still angry with her now?"

"No, how can I be, she's been great since she came back."

"So you are not angry with her anymore?"

"No."

"You still seem frustrated about it."

"Because I don't understand what this has to do with anything, how is this going to help me recover? I can't be angry with Maura, she didn't do anything to me, Roy did."

"Yes, but part of the reason you are having trouble dealing with this trauma is your inability to open up; you bottle up your emotions. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you believe that if you can just forget about things, if you don't talk about it, it will be like it never happened."

Jane huffed, she was flustered, but she knew the doctor was spot on in her assessment.

"It's what I've done before and it has worked just fine. This isn't my first rodeo, it's not the first psychopath that got a hold of me. I recovered just fine from the others and I will recover just fine from this one."

"Do you truly believe that?"

Jane closed her eyes, trying to block out the room around her, trying to shut out the doctor. This here, this is why she didn't do therapy, if it wasn't for her promise to Maura to give it a real shot, she would get up right now and leave.

Dr. Liberty stayed quiet, just observing the brunette sitting across from her.

"Jane," she finally said in a gentle tone of voice, she waited for the upset woman to open her eyes again, "you said, you _can't_ be angry with Maura? What do you mean by that?"

Jane finally opened her eyes, looking sad, "do you know why she went to Africa? She left to help an old boyfriend that was in a horrible car accident. How can I be angry with that? What kind of a person does that make me?"

"It doesn't make you a _bad_ person. You can't help what you are feeling Jane and not expressing your emotions won't do either of you any good."

"It's not even the fact that she left, it's how she left. She didn't even ask for my opinion and she took off so fast, there wasn't even time to be angry at her. Then Roy happened and she has been taking care of me ever since, she has been so good to me, how can I be mad at her now?"

"You never got to process what you were feeling. Have you two spoken about this at all, since she came back? Have you told her how you feel?"

"Yes,... no. Maura told me she was sorry she left and I know she is, I left it at that. I don't want to make her feel bad about it."

"Jane, I think it's important that you express your feelings about this to her, otherwise it will always stand between you two."

The brunette looked down at the floor, in a way she felt the doctor was right, but she didn't want to hurt Maura, in her mind, she had already done enough of that lately.

The doctor looked at the clock, "we are just about out off time, Jane." She closed her notepad, "I know you think that this isn't important, but I believe it is. Maura seems to be the most important person in your life, she's your main support. Don't let this fester between you two. You need to start dealing with your emotions in a healthy way; be honest with her, open up, trust her enough to let yourself be vulnerable."

Jane reluctantly nodded her head before getting up and leaving the room.

* * *

The ride home was quiet, Jane was moody and cranky. Maura knew therapy would have it's ups and downs, so she just let it be for now, hoping the brunette would open up about it later.

When they arrived at the house, Jane stretched out on the couch, covering her face with her arms.

Maura decided to give the woman a little space and took Jo Friday out for a walk, when she got back Jane was in the kitchen.

"What are you doing?", Maura asked stepping next to Jane.

"I am making my girlfriend lunch," the brunette's reply came, while pulling out the rest of the ingredients from the fridge, she was balancing them precariously, before putting them on the counter.

Maura smiled at Jane, "do you need any help?"

The brunette gave her a cheeky smile back, before pushing her on one of the chairs, "you can sit here and tell me something interesting."

Maura thought for a brief second, "did you know that Caesar salads were originally created by an italian immigrant named Caesar Cardini?"

"I did not know that," Jane grinned at Maura, while continuing to put the rest of the salad together, "you want some grilled chicken with yours?"

"Yes, …hey, you're willingly eating something green?"

"I am, and don't get used to it. I will be going back to eating foods that will clog up my arteries soon," she said winking at the blonde.

Maura playfully squinted her eyes at Jane, "I guess I'll have to come up with a way to add some vitamins to your burgers then."

They sat down to eat their lunch, conversation flowing freely and comfortably. Maura was wondering what had happened to Jane's earlier cranky mood, but the brunette seemed genuinely at ease so she wasn't going to question it.

When lunch was over and cleaned up, Jane sat down on the couch pulling Maura next to her, putting both arms around the blonde, nuzzling gently against her head. She hadn't forgotten what the therapist had told her, she knew she needed to talk to Maura, but she wasn't ready yet. Jane just wanted a bit of normalcy first so she could clear her head; which is why she had made lunch and for the rest of the day she just wanted to enjoy a little bit of quiet.

Little did she know that the conversation would happen much sooner than she planned.

* * *

That night both Angela, Frankie and Tommy came over for dinner. Angela and Maura were in the kitchen preparing the food, while Jane and her brothers were in the living room watching TV. Jane was very distracted tonight, several times already she had missed it when one of her brothers was talking to her. Jane didn't do it on purpose, sometimes she would just lose focus. She would get lost in thought and it seemed that the more people and noise around her, the easier it was for her to tune everything out and withdraw within herself.

Tommy hadn't given it much thought, he was too involved in the game on TV, but Frankie had been given her worried glances all evening.

"Okay, kids, "Angela said, "the food is ready, lets eat."

Everyone got up, except for Jane. It was Maura and a soft touch on her arm, that got Jane out of her musings and back into reality.

Frankie was giving Maura a dirty look, which did not go unnoticed by the doctor.

Dinner was mostly a lively affair, and even Jane did her best to participate in the conversation, but it was hard for her tonight. Since she had her therapy today, which made her tired, together with her still recovering body, she was fading fast. It wasn't long before she excused herself from the table, saying she wanted to lie down for a little bit to rest. Maura gave her a concerned look, but Jane reassured her she was okay, just a little worn out.

After dessert, Tommy left as well because he had a date.

Angela was cleaning up in the kitchen, while Frankie and Maura were still sitting at the dining room table.

Frankie had been giving Maura annoyed glares throughout dinner, and the blonde had just about enough of it.

"What is it, Frankie? You might as well speak your mind," she said while playing with her glass of wine.

Frankie huffed, sometimes the Rizzoli's could be so similar, Maura thought, especially when they were angry or frustrated, they would take on very similar body postures.

"I don't get it," he finally said.

"What don't you get, Frankie?"

"You left her to be with someone else and yet she only lets herself be comforted by you," the younger Rizzoli was frustrated for not being able to help his sister.

"I didn't _leave_ Jane to be with someone else."

"Could have fooled me, Maura," he crossed his arms, "I know you aren't to blame for what happened with Roy, but you should have been here. When you left…," Frankie shook his head, "oh, forget it," he said getting up from the table.

"No, I am not going to forget it, you and me are going to talk about this." Maura had also gotten up herself, "I can't have you be angry with me all the time, it's not good for Jane when people around her are fighting."

"Not good for Jane?" Frankie now raised his voice, alerting Angela of the increased tension between the two. "You know what's not good for Jane? You leaving her behind like she doesn't matter, _you_ hurting her. _That's_ not good for Jane."

Maura was biting her lip, "I didn't mean to hurt her."

"It doesn't change the fact that when she needed you the most, you weren't there for her. You didn't see what she was like during that week, _you_ made her vulnerable."

"Don't you think I know that, I would change it if I could, but I can't," Maura was speaking a little louder now herself, "all I can do is be there for her now."

All three of the people in the room were startled when they suddenly heard Jane's voice, "what's going on here?"

Frankie and Maura just looked at the brunette leaning against the wall near the kitchen.

"How much did you hear?" Maura finally asked, taking a step closer to Jane, but the brunette held up her hands, "I heard enough," she said.

"Ma, would you mind leaving us alone for a minute," Jane walked further into the kitchen.

Angela started to protest, but when Jane gave her a pointed, "Ma!" she reluctantly left through the back door.

"Frankie," Jane said, looking at her brother, putting her hand on his shoulder, "I love you for sticking up for me, but this is between Maura and me. You have to let it go, bro."

The younger Rizzoli looked over his sister's shoulder to Maura before shaking his head, "I don't like seeing you hurt, Jane."

"I'm going to be okay, Frankie," Jane tried to reassure her brother, "I just need some time, but I'll be okay, you hear me?"

Frankie looked at his sister for a moment, wanting to say more, but seeing how sincere she was, he stayed quiet and nodded.

Jane gave her brother a brief, but genuine hug before letting him go, "why don't you go see ma and tell her everything is fine before she comes barging back in here."

"Okay, Jane," Frankie said and he left to join his mother at the guest house, which left just Maura and Jane standing in the kitchen.

The blonde was looking uncomfortable, unsure what to do.

Jane had wanted to wait to have this conversation with Maura, but she knew now was the time. It was time to speak her mind and get everything out in the open; time to move forward.

She grabbed Maura by the hand and pulled the woman with her towards the living room couch, where they both sat down facing each other.

"I think it's time you and I have this talk," the brunette softly spoke, giving Maura's hand a reassuring squeeze.

Maura patiently waited, gently urging Jane with her eyes to talk whenever she was ready.

And Jane did, she actually opened up to Maura, _really_ opened up to her. She told her how she had felt when Maura left, how hurt and angry she had been not to be included in the decision, and what the week had been like during her absence. Why she had been so upset during their phone calls and what was still bothering her even now. She also shared a little more of what she had experienced while Roy had drugged her, how she had thought in her delusions that Maura had died, how devastated and lonely she had felt.

Jane had never been this open and vulnerable before with anyone in her life. Maura had been mostly quiet throughout the conversation, she just held onto Jane's hand and listened; she was finally getting the missing pieces of the puzzle. Of course Maura had known she made a big mistake by leaving for Africa the way she did, but even she had not realized how much it had really affected Jane; now she knew and she realized it was going to take more than a simple excuse to get passed this.

Maura now also finally understood Jane's reaction when she had first woken up in the hospital, why she had been so desperately trying to get away from her. At the time it had really confused her, but it all made so much sense now.

After Jane finished talking she listened while Maura filled in some of the missing pieces herself. Maura told her everything that happened during her visit to Africa, including what she had told Ian before she left him in the hospital. How she had told him she could never be there for him again; because she belonged with Jane now. Finally she told Jane how she had made sure Ian filled out a new medical directive before she left, so a situation like this would never occur again.

When everything was said and done, they both realized it was going to take time and love before they would be able to put this completely behind them. Jane didn't blame Maura for anything that happened to her, but there were still some issues they would have to work at. When Maura had left, it had broken a certain level of trust between them that needed to be rebuild.

But they would work at it together, they were confident that they would get through this and they had made some big steps today.

* * *

**A/N: This was hard to write, I wanted to get it just right. Ultimately it is what it is. It all comes back to 'actions have consequences', for Maura and Jane, no matter the intention, if that makes sense. Either way we are moving on from the Africa issue now, yes, progress.**

**I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter. The 'cookies' left behind in the box below, have been decreasing lately and lets just say... I'm hungry? ;p**

**Thank you everyone that's still with me. I appreciate all the support and hope you will continue to enjoy the rest of the story. Till next time.**


	23. The Next Step

**A/N: Since Mondays usually suck, I figured you all wouldn't mind another chapter. ;)**

* * *

Chapter 23

* * *

"So, you talked to Maura. That's good, Jane, that's really good. How did you feel when talking to her?" Dr. Liberty asked.

"I don't know, …nervous, vulnerable."

"And now?"

Jane rubbed her forehead with her hand, "now, I feel sort of relieved. I guess I didn't realize how much it was still bothering me. The weird thing is, soon as I told her it stopped bothering me as much."

"It's because you dealt with your feelings and emotions, when you talked about them, you gave yourself the opportunity to process."

Jane shrugged her shoulders, "I guess."

"You are not convinced, are you?" Dr. Liberty asked kindly, "that's okay, Jane."

The brunette looked a little sheepish, then shook her head, "it feels good to have Maura know …stuff, it really does, but it doesn't really change anything otherwise."

"It might not seem like it yet, but you are making progress," the doctor looked back at her notes, "now lets talk about something else. Tell me a little about the child that was with you, I understand you had a personal connection to him?"

Jane looked like she was about to panic but the doctor noticing the change in her demeanor tried to put her at ease. "You don't have to tell me about what happened during your capture yet, just tell me how you two know each other."

The brunette still a little startled, nodded her agreement. "I've known Sam and his kid brother Josh," she swallowed after saying the last name, "since they were babies. Me and my brother Frankie went to the same school as David, their dad, and we've just always stayed in touch."

"So you were close?"

"Yes, we hung out, Frankie and me took them to games, they are good kids, or were. Josh is dead now and Sam …," she closed her eyes thinking about the moment she saw Sam lying on the bed, tied up and drugged, the fear in his eyes.

"Sam survived, Jane, because of you. You found him. You saved his life."

"No," the brunette shook her head.

"No?" Dr. Liberty asked a little surprised, but she stayed quiet, silently urging the brunette to elaborate.

"Yes, he survived, but I didn't save his life, Korsak and Frost and the rest of BPD did, I just made things worse."

"How did you make things worse, Jane? You found him, from what I understand they had no idea where he was until you found him."

"I think we should change the subject, I don't want to talk about this anymore." Jane crossed her arms and looked down at the floor.

Dr. Liberty knew to tread carefully. Jane was like a live wire, one wrong move and she could trigger an explosion, or with Jane it was more of an implosion; she would retreat within herself.

The doctor gave it pause, considering if she should push or not. "Tell me, why do you think you made things worse?" she finally said, deciding to keep going.

Jane glared back at the doctor, she harshly pushed out the air in her lungs before speaking, "because, if it wasn't for me, he would have been better off."

"But you are the one that found him."

"They would have found him either way, maybe a little later, but because of me, he saw …things."

"So you feel at fault, you feel guilty?"

"You're damn right I do, how can I not. If I wouldn't have gone there by myself, he never would have …," she stopped herself, thinking about the things Sam had to witness. "No kid should ever have to go through that, to see that," she closed her eyes now. "I should have put the clues together before we got taken off the case, I should have been smarter, faster. If I wouldn't have gone off by myself, if I had asked for back up before going inside, if I didn't let that bastard sneak up on me, if I would have been stronger I could have fought him off and got us both out."

"How do you know that?" the doctor asked.

"How do I know what?"

"Any of it, how do you know there would have been a different end result if you had changed something?"

"I just do."

"Okay, lets use logic here. Lets take the back up for example. You said before you were taken off the case, what would have happened if you would have called for back-up? Would they have come running, or would you just have gotten into more trouble?"

Jane gave it some thought, "I don't know and it doesn't matter, I could have called my partner, I should have called Frost."

"Let's say you did call your partner and you would have both made it inside, who's to say you both wouldn't have gotten captured."

"Because, the chances for that are a lot lower."

"But it could have still happened right?"

"I guess, ...I don't know." Jane said frustrated.

"That's the point, Jane. You don't know if anything would have had another outcome if you did anything different, maybe it would have been better, maybe it would have been worse. The point is that things happened the way they did, you are not to blame for what happened to Sam or yourself, and you need to learn to accept that, so you can let go of your guilt."

The doctor looked at the clock, realizing their session was almost over again, "Jane, have you seen Sam since any of this happened?"

The brunette looked afraid, "no…No!"

"I think it's important that you go see him, talk to him. You both share this experience."

"I don't want to remind him about what happened," Jane knew it was just an excuse.

"You think he doesn't remember without seeing you?" Dr. Liberty knew this sounded harsh, but she was trying to make a point.

"I'm done talking about this," Jane was feeling frustrated by the the doctors persistence, she wanted to leave, _now._ "Are we done here?" she asked.

"Yes, our time's up for today."

Jane grabbed her crutches and got up, she was starting to get the hang of them, she hopped and waddled, but she was now mostly able to move on her own; unless she was tired.

She struggled her way towards the exit of the room. Dr. Liberty who had gotten up as well opened the door for Jane, "I'll see you in two days?" she asked, observing the brunette.

Jane just huffed, ignoring the question and left the room. Maura, who had been in the waiting room, immediately noticed the tense exchange and Jane's stressed posture.

She looked at Dr. Liberty questioningly, but the woman just shook her head, indicating something had gone wrong today; the doctor was afraid she might have pushed Jane too hard, too fast.

* * *

When they got into the car, Maura glanced over at Jane.

"What?" the brunette snapped, immediately feeling regretful for her outburst. "Maur, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ...," she sighed, "I'm just really upset, can we not talk about it right now and just go home, please?"

Maura started the car and drove them home. When they walked inside, Jane almost immediately disappeared into their bedroom.

The blonde woman was confused, wondering what had happened during Jane's therapy session, but she knew to give the brunette some space first before asking her to talk about it.

Maura wasn't feeling very well herself, she was tired today. When Jane woke up from one of her nightmares during the night, even when she did so quietly, Maura would always wake up as well, trying to calm the brunette down and help her get back to sleep. She didn't mind, at all, but it didn't mean she wasn't exhausted. So she lay down on the couch in the living room just to rest for a minute, but she soon fell asleep.

* * *

Jane had calmed down significantly since leaving Dr. Liberty's office, but she was still irritated. Why did that woman have to push, she had told her she didn't want to talk about it. Sam was one of the more sensitive issues she was dealing with and the doctor just had to go there today. At the moment, she was seriously doubting if she would go back to this annoying doctor. Deep down she knew she was overreacting, but she ignored the nagging feeling for now, she didn't want to think about it anymore today, she would deal with it again tomorrow. It was time to focus on something else.

'_I snapped at Maura_', she sadly thought to herself. She was thinking how the beautiful blonde was looking so tired lately, she wanted to do something nice, to try and take care of Maura for a change.

Jane took a moment to think, but she soon realized how limited she was at the moment. She couldn't drive or get dressed up, so taking Maura somewhere was out of the question. Finally she smiled, it would take a little work but she figured out something she could do.

When she walked into the living room she noticed Maura lying on her back on the couch, her right arm tugged behind her head in her usual position. Looking at the sleeping woman warmed her heart, '_you're so beautiful_' she thought. She sat herself down next to Maura, gently brushing at some strands of hair that had fallen over the woman's face. Jane considered letting Maura sleep a little longer, but she couldn't resist leaning in and softly kissing her mouth.

It only took a second or two before Maura responded, almost instinctively grabbing the brunette's head and deepening the kiss. '_God I love her lips_', Jane thought while she felt herself melt into the kiss; happily allowing their passion to overtake them for a few minutes.

When the need to breath became too strong, they slowly pulled apart; Jane softly tugged on Maura's bottom lip with her teeth before finally letting go completely. She adoringly looked down at Maura, noticing how the woman's hazel eyes had darkened, how her skin was flushed and her hair a little mussed; Jane thought she looked adorable and sexy as hell.

Maura had untucked Jane's shirt, both of her hands were rubbing in soft circles on the warm skin of her back.

The brunette felt a delicious shiver go through her, she was thinking about how it had been way too long since they had really been together. First she had been too injured and traumatized to even think about being intimate and even when she had started to recover somewhat, something had been holding her back.

But since she had really spoken to Maura, things had been feeling better and now with the desire building between them, she knew the timing was right. Sex was an important part of their relationship. Even though with her leg and left hand still in a cast, she wouldn't be able to give Maura what she would call her '_best moves_'. Nevertheless, one way or the other, she was going to make love to Maura today; she would just have to get creative. But first she had something else in mind.

She pulled herself away from Maura and the blonde reluctantly removed her hands from her back, Jane immediately regretted the loss of contact.

Maura looked just as disappointed and raised her eyebrow.

"We will definitely continue _this_ a little later," Jane started, "but first I have a little surprise for you."

The blonde's expression instantly brightened, "you do?"

"Come on, I'll show you," Jane pulled Maura by her arms so she was now sitting up. "You know I would carry you if I could right?" she whispered in her ear.

The blonde blushed a little, enjoying the visual in her mind. She always did like it when Jane carried her, something about it what just so arousing.

Jane pushed Maura towards the master bathroom, stopping right outside the door. She slipped her arms around Maura from behind, leaning her head on her shoulder, "I wanted to do something nice for you, so for tonight I ordered some dinner from your favorite restaurant."

"You did?" Maura turned around in Jane's arms and looked surprised, "but Coppa doesn't do deliveries."

Jane looked a little smug, "they do today; it should be delivered around 6 pm. And…while we wait, I figured you would't mind relaxing in here for a little while first. She opened the door and inside was a steaming hot bubble bath, just waiting to be used; surrounded by a dozen lit candles.

"Jane, I don't know what to say," she was a little speechless.

Jane pulled Maura a little closer to her body, resting her hands on the blonde's hips. "You know I haven't exactly been myself lately, you've had to put up with a lot from me. Things did not go smooth during therapy today, but I shouldn't take it out on you, I won't take it out on you. I know you're tired and I haven't really been here for you. I love you, Maura, and it's time I started showing you again."

Maura blinked back a few tears and fully embraced Jane, "thank you," she said, "for this and for letting me in, for loving me."

"You never have to thank me for loving you," Jane cleared her throat a little, she didn't want to cry again. She still wasn't too comfortable with all this emotional stuff, probably never would be. But deep down, especially when it came to Maura, she really was a softy, "now get naked woman," she said with a smile.

Maura laughed at Jane warmly, "are you getting in with me?" she asked.

"If you want."

"Really?" Maura said, "you hate taking baths."

"Maybe," Jane tilted her head, "but I like being naked with you, so it kind of evens each other out."

They both got undressed, Maura helped Jane put the protective sleeves over her casts and helped her in the tub first, before sliding in behind her and pulling her close.

They quietly enjoyed their time together, exploring each other with soft touches and warm kisses. When the water got cold they helped each other dry off, after a few more searing hot kisses that left both of them a little unsteady on their feet, they vacated to the bedroom. Jane did indeed have to get a little creative, but she managed to fully show Maura how much she loved her.

After both of them were blissfully satisfied, she let Maura drift off in a peaceful sleep. Jane stayed awake herself, content for now just to hold the blonde and let her rest.

When the doorbell rang with their food delivery, Maura put on a robe and collected their dinner. They actually ate their dinner in bed, neither of them feeling the need to leave the comfort of the room.

After they had finished with their food, they happily leaned back in bed. Maura was lying on her side, tracing small patterns on Jane's back.

"Jane?" she asked.

"Hm?" Jane said while turning her head towards Maura.

"Will you tell me what happened today, why you were so upset?"

Jane propped herself up on her elbows, still lying on her belly, she took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. "Okay," she finally said.

She told Maura about the therapy session and why she had been so upset with Dr. Liberty. How she felt guilty for what happened to Sam and how she did not want to see him.

The blonde mostly stayed quiet, just letting the brunette share her thoughts. Occasionally she would gently urge her to expand, but otherwise she just let Jane do the talking.

When Jane finally finished she smiled at Maura.

"What is it?" Maura asked.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you." Jane bend her head further towards Maura and pulled her into a kiss. The kiss quickly became passionate again and Jane took the rest of the evening to kiss every inch of Maura's body. She might not be able to use both of her hands, but she sure knew how to use her mouth.

Unfortunately that afternoon and evening had only been a reprieve from her problems, because as soon as she fell asleep, her dreams were of Sam.

* * *

**A/N: First, thank you for all the feedback I received on the last chapter. No matter if it's good or bad, I always appreciate it.**

**Second, I always try to respond to any reviews I get. Good or bad. Unfortunately this is impossible with guest reviews. I think most of you appreciated the way I handled the Africa issue. But some of you were upset and/or disappointed. I can't make everyone happy and neither will I try. I am writing the story the way I see it. I believe that when either of these ladies would make a mistake, the other would be able to forgive them.**

**This is a story about mistakes, forgiveness, trauma and recovery. It's what I planned since the beginning. If you are in any way disappointed that this is not the story you expected it to be, by all means stop reading. You don't have to tell me and I won't be offended. This is my story and I am doing the best I can. It's my vision of Jane and Maura if they were put in a situation like this. My main reason for even wanting to write it, (besides the lack of Rizzles on the show) is the complete lack of realistic recovery whenever something bad happens to one of the girls. This is my attempt to 'fix' that. And I thought maybe someone else would enjoy taking the journey with me.**

**Anyways, I am working on the next few chapters. I'm planning for it to end around chapter 30 or so, hopefully before the show returns from hiatus on November 27th.**

**And lastly, you know what's next...cookies! ;) Yes, drop them in the box please.**


	24. The Request

Chapter 24

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Around 9 a.m. the next morning, the ringing of Maura's phone's pulled both women from a deep sleep.

Maura usually was an early riser, but neither her or Jane had gotten much sleep that night. They had spent a lovely afternoon and evening reconnecting with each other. It had been relaxing, comfortable and very much needed by the both of them and they had actually gone to sleep fairly early that night. Jane had been lying on her back, Maura on her side against her, arms around each other.

The first few hours of the night had been quiet, normal, and they had gotten some much needed rest. It wasn't until 3 a.m. that morning when Maura was woken up because Jane was in the midst of another nightmare. Sometimes during her dreams, the brunette would physically try to fight off whatever plagued her in her sleep. It didn't happen that often, but when it did, it resulted in flailing arms and wild jerking around.

Tonight had been no different, except that she had actually briefly mistaken Maura as being part of her nightmare.

During the night, Maura had ended up sleeping almost on top of Jane; with her head on the brunette's shoulder, arm over her chest, leg over her hips. The position wasn't that uncommon for them, but when Jane started dreaming, the added weight on her body had confused her and she had physically thrown Maura off of her. When she did wake up, scared and panicked, she quickly realized what happened and it had made her even more upset, she was afraid she had actually hurt Maura. But the blonde had been fine, she had woken up with a start, but that was it. Jane was the one that was more shook up about it all than Maura was herself. She had wanted to leave their room and return back to the guest room, but Maura would have none of that.

The brunette had been so distressed that at one point she had started to hyperventilate. It took a long time before Maura was finally able to calm her down enough to go back to sleep.

So this morning, when the phone rang around 9 a.m., neither of them had been awake yet.

* * *

Maura sleepily reached her arm over to the nightstand, picking up her phone and pushing the talk button without ever opening her eyes.

"Isles," she said, stifling a yawn.

"Sir," she almost jumped up, instantly awake when hearing her boss' voice.

Maura was quiet for a while, listening to Lt. Cavanaugh talk on the other end of the line.

"Yes, I can be there around noon…okay…no, I did not know that…yes, thank you… I'll tell her." Maura ended the call and put her phone back on the nightstand, before looking over at Jane who was awake and quietly observing her.

"Cavanaugh?" Jane asked with a sleepy voice.

"Yes," Maura nodded, "I don't want to, but I need to go into work for a bit today. They need me to consult on a new case, it should only take a few hours."

"It's okay, Maur. I'll be fine. You probably should go back to work soon anyways, they need you there."

"And you need me here," Maura said softly. She moved her hand so it rested on Jane's cheek, "being here with you is more important to me."

"I feel bad for keeping you away from the station, Dr. Pike doesn't exactly measure up, he's not even in the same ballpark." The brunette still wanted to do very unpleasant things to that arrogant excuse of a doctor.

"Actually," Maura smiled, "Dr. Pike is no longer '_Doctor_' Pike. Apparently he has made one too many mistakes lately and the board has revoked his medical license, pending a full review. B.P.D has been dealing with another M.E. from south this past week. They say he's good, but fairly new, which is why they need me for a consult."

Jane knew it was in bad taste to be happy about someone losing their job, but she just couldn't help but smirk at the news.

Maura leaned into Jane and kissed the corners of her mouth, she was actually pretty happy herself, she couldn't stand Pike either; the man was just insufferable.

"Are you sure you are going to be okay though? Maybe I should call your mom or Frankie, so they can come stay with you."

"They both have to work as well, Maur. But I'll be fine. Don't worry, okay?" Jane gave Maura another kiss, before throwing the blankets off them, "now you better get ready, so we can have some breakfast before you go."

* * *

When the blonde finally left, after asking several more times if Jane was really going to be okay, telling her to call if she needed anything and she would be home around dinner time; the brunette was left sitting in the living room by herself.

Jane realized this was the first time since…everything happened, that she was alone. It actually did freak her out a little, but she hadn't want to let on to Maura. She was an adult woman, a homicide detective, she could adjust.

Last nights nightmare had really scared her more than she was willing to admit, even to herself.

Most of her dreams since her capture had been about Maura, about Roy hurting the blonde in one way or the other. Those dreams still occurred, but they had become more infrequent lately.

Last night she had been dreaming of Sam, more specifically of Roy hurting Sam; she had tried to get to him, but her body had felt like it was still restrained. So she had been struggling, trying to free herself, completely unaware that she had actually been fighting Maura off of her. That was until she woke up from her dream and saw the blonde sitting on the edge of the bed, with a confused and scared expression on her face. Jane had quickly connected the dots and realized what she had done. Maura had tried to reassure her she was fine, but it didn't matter. Jane knew she could have inadvertently really hurt her.

So, now she was sitting here by herself. She flipped on the TV, hoping it would distract her from her thoughts.

* * *

Maura had been at work for several hours already. She had spoken to Jane on the phone that morning and kept in touch with her throughout the day. Most of her day had been spent with the replacement M.E.

Both doctors had gone over the autopsy results of the latest homicide together. Maura had been able to find a few things that the fairly new M.E. had missed. It had been something that came with years and years of experience and it was an understandable oversight. Maura was glad she was able to help and she always did enjoy teaching others new things. She definitely enjoyed working with this M.E. a lot more than with Dr. Pike.

The consult had taken a few hours and she was now waiting on some lab results to come back to confirm her findings. She had already gone upstairs to visit with Korsak and Frost for a while. They had asked about Jane and she had spent a few minutes catching up with them. She also briefly talk with Lt. Cavanaugh and gave him an update on Jane and her own leave of absence.

After she left the bullpen she had gone to the cafe to grab a cup of coffee and talk with Angela for a minute. It was nice to be back at work for a bit, but she missed Jane and not being with her, made her feel a little out of sorts.

When Angela went back to work, Maura headed back downstairs to the morgue. She still had some time left before the expected lab results would come back, so she decided to catch up on some emails.

After readjusting her chair, she sat down and opened her email. She was just about to respond to the first message when there was a knock at the door.

* * *

"Dr. Isles", Suzie Chang said, "you have a visitor."

It took Maura a moment to recognize the man standing in her doorway. He looked familiar but she couldn't quite place him.

"Dr. Isles?"

"Yes," she answered, while still trying to connect the dots.

"I'm not sure if you remember me, but I'm David; Jane and Frankie's friend. We have met before, but it's been a while."

"Yes, of course," Maura said now recognizing the man. She'd only ever met him once at the 'fourth of July' picnic last year, but she quickly realized this was Josh and Sam's dad.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," she said with empathy.

"Thank you," he answered, sadly looking away for a moment.

"What can I do for you David?"

He scratched his head, "is it okay if I sit down?"

Maura motioned towards a chair, before taking a seat behind her desk herself.

"This is a little awkward, so I'm just going to say it. I need your help…. I spoke to Angela and she said you would be my best chance."

"What is it that you need help with?"

"I need your help getting Jane in the same room as my son."

"Oh," Maura said, not really sure how else to respond. She clearly remembered what Jane had told her last night about her feelings about seeing Sam at the moment. "I'm not sure how I can help. You probably should ask Jane herself."

"I tried, but she hasn't returned any of my calls."

"Don't take that personally. Jane doesn't really return any calls at the moment."

"Hence my dilemma. Angela told me a little bit about how Jane is doing."

Maura clasped her hands together under the table, "then you know it might be too soon to ask Jane to do this."

"I understand that, but I have to think about my son first. He's ready to move forward, to start putting this behind him. His therapist said it's the next big step for him. And I imagine it would probably be good for Jane as well."

"Probably. I won't deny that, but I don't think she's ready for this."

"I think once we get them in a room together, it will work itself out, don't you think?" David said, trying to convince Maura.

"Maybe," Maura shook her head, not sure what the best course of action was here. Talk to Jane and try to convince her? After last nights conversation she already knew what the answer would be. But she also knew Jane was going to be stalled in her own recovery until she dealt with this; last nights nightmare being proof of that. But could she really force Jane to do this, when the brunette had told her how she felt? It was a huge risk and not one she was sure she wanted to take. She needed time to do some research, maybe talk to Jane's therapist, figure out the best way to proceed here.

"I need to think about this, David," she finally said. "I do not like the thought of pushing Jane into doing something she clearly doesn't want to do, even if it might be beneficial."

"One way or the other, she's going to have to see him at some point. Why wait? He needs this and I know she'll want to help him. I'm sure it will be good for both of them, they just have to get through it."

David looked down before making eye contact with Maura again. "I'm not unsympathetic to what Jane is going through, she's my friend and I know she's dealing with a lot. But my first priority has to be my son and if this is what he needs, I have to find a way to make it happen. I'm sure you can understand that."

"I do, but you have to understand that my first priority is Jane. I have to do what's best for her."

"Fair enough." David looked at his watch and got up from his seat. "I have to go now. Please let me know what you decide?" he said while sliding his business card towards Maura.

When David left her office, Maura leaned forward in her chair resting her head in her hands. This was not an easy decision to make.

* * *

It was just a little before dinner time when Maura finally arrived back home. Soon as she stepped inside Jo came running towards her.

"Hey girl," she said leaning down to scratch the little mutt's head, "where's your mommy?" Maura looked around, but everything was quiet, "is she sleeping, Jo?"

Maura made her way to the bedroom and looked inside the dark room. On the bed was Jane, and by the sound of the brunette's breathing, she was very much asleep.

The blonde decided to let the other woman sleep a little longer, she quietly grabbed a few things and walked into the bathroom. She took a shower and changed into some comfortable clothes.

When Maura was done, she went into the kitchen. She took care of Jo and Bass and started on dinner, she put the food on a timer in the oven and headed back to the bedroom.

Maura sat down next to Jane on the bed, putting a hand on her shoulder to gently wake her up.

"Maur?" the brunette's voice came, she started to rub her eyes, trying to wake herself up more. "When did you get home?"

"About thirty minutes ago, you want to join me for some dinner?"

"Maybe later, I'm not really hungry."

Maura put her hand on Jane's forehead, "are you feeling okay? You look a little pale."

"Hm…just a little tired still," the brunette pushed herself into a sitting position, leaning against the pillows behind her. "How was your day?"

"It was good actually, I think you will like the replacement M.E."

"Maybe, but I am sort of fond of our regular M.E.," Jane playfully poked Maura's side.

"You are?" the blonde set in mock surprise.

"Yes, _doctor,_ I am," Jane reached out for Maura and unexpectedly pulled the woman across her lap and onto the bed next to her. Maura let out a small yelp at the sudden movement.

Jane leaned over and looked down in hazel eyes. "Hey," she said pushing some hair out of the blonde's face, "I missed you today."

When Maura lifted her head and kissed the brunette's lips, she was greeted by a response that was hungry, passionate.

"I missed you too," she whispered, while pulling Jane closer, pressing their bodies together.

The brunette tried to move into a more comfortable position, but she got a little frustrated when her leg cast got in the way. "Stupid cast," she groaned.

Maura just smiled, pushing Jane backwards on the bed, placing both hands right at the edge of her shirt, softly scratching the skin there.

When the blonde leaned in, Jane could feel Maura's breath caress her neck and cheek as she spoke, "how about you just lie here and let me do all the work tonight."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**This one and the next three chapters are very closely connected and I will try to post them within a few days of each other.**

**...cookies? ...box...below...please. ;-p Thank you all.**


	25. The Meddler's Mistake

Chapter 25

* * *

The next few days passed in a relatively quiet manner. Thankfully, Jane had agreed to go back to therapy again. But the brunette had made it very clear to Dr. Liberty that the topic of Sam was off limits for now, and the doctor had agreed not to bring up the matter for a while.

However this compromise resulted in very little progress being made in Jane's recovery.

Avoidance was not uncommon amongst people dealing with this kind of trauma. The problem was that anything could trigger a reaction. It could be a person, a place, a sound, a smell, sometimes even just hearing a certain name could bring on a flashback. For some people it resulted in complete avoidance of anything that could possibly be a reminder of their ordeal, and for Jane it was her avoidance of Sam.

Maura had been doing her own research on the subject and she had spoken to Jane's therapist a few times. But doctor-patient confidentially barred Dr. Liberty from going into any details about Jane's sessions.

The doctor did tell Maura that forcing the issue was a very risky thing. Yes, it could end up having a positive effect, it could be exactly what Jane needed to move forward and get passed this. But it could also have a tremendous backlash for everyone involved, especially for Jane. She recommended for Maura to try and talk to Jane about it, and depending on the response, gently push her in the right direction.

But when Maura had tried to broach the topic of visiting Sam with Jane again, the brunette had all but shut her down instantly. When Maura told her about David's visit to her in the morgue she had just about flipped. Maura had not brought up the topic since.

But David was persistent, he had called Maura several times already and kept trying to convince her to just bring Jane over to their house. Once she was there, everything would be alright; or so he said.

Sam's dad was really pushing the issue. He really believed everything would be fine, but he wasn't a psychiatrist, and his concern was only for his son. Maura understood where he was coming from, but it put her in an impossible position. Jane would not go with her willingly, she would refuse, that much Maura knew. And there was no way Maura would trick Jane into going either. It would destroy any and all trust they had rebuild between them. But not doing anything hardly seemed like an option either, as Jane was completely stuck at the moment. She wasn't getting worse, but she wasn't getting better either. Maura was at a complete loss of what to do.

* * *

The blonde was in the kitchen making herself a cup of coffee when Angela poked her head around the back door.

"Good morning, Maura."

"Angela, come in, you want some coffee?"

"Don't mind if I do," the italian woman said, taking a seat at the kitchen island. "Jane still sleeping?", she asked looking around for her daughter.

"No, actually Frankie took her for breakfast this morning."

"Oh," Angela reached for the cup of coffee Maura handed her, "how's Frankie been treating you?"

"Better, actually." Maura smiled, "I think Jane did a little more talking with him and he's been treating me almost the same as before."

They both quietly enjoyed their cup of coffee. Angela was observing Maura's posture, noticing that the woman looked a little out of sorts.

"How are you doing, honey?" she tentatively asked.

"I'm fine," Maura was quick to brush the concern away.

"Maura, you are like my daughter too, if there's something I'm good at, it is knowing when something is bothering my kids. Now spill."

The doctor put down her cup and put both her hands on the counter in front of her, almost nervously rubbing the surface with her fingers.

"It's…," she started, "it's just something Sam's father asked me to do. And I don't know if I can."

Angela knew about David's request since he had asked her first. The older woman had directed him to Maura, knowing if anyone could get Jane to do anything it would be her.

Maura explained a little more about the risks of doing what David was asking.

"I don't know Maura, it sounds like this would help both of them tremendously. I think Jane's too stubborn for her own good sometimes."

Maura rubbed her neck with her hand, trying to relieve the stress on her muscles. "I just don't think pushing her is the best thing in this case."

"She didn't want to talk to you about any of this before, and you pushed her and it got better right? Maybe this is just one of those times where you need to make the decision for her. I'm sure she'll be grateful when she feels better afterwards. Why don't you take her somewhere and stop by David and Melanie's on the way home. If she completely freaks out you can always just drive her back home. No harm done."

"I don't think so Angela. I won't trick her, I can't do that to her."

"Well, something needs to happen."

"Hmm," Maura said in thought, before she looked at the clock, "don't you have to go to work today?"

"I do, but not for another thirty minutes. How about yourself? Are you still on leave?"

"I am, but I do have to go back to the precinct for a little bit this afternoon. I have a meeting with some of my staff at 2 p.m. Even when I'm on leave, there are still things I need to take care of."

"Yes, the joys of being in charge," Angela chuckled.

Maura smiled and waved it off.

The women chatted away for another few minutes about various topics when Angela finally got up, "well, I better get ready, maybe I'll see you at work?"

"Yes, I'll stop by sometime this afternoon."

And with that the women said their goodbyes.

* * *

Jane was in good spirits today, she'd had a pleasant breakfast with her brother that morning. A comfortable lunch with Maura, including some cuddling on the couch, before the blonde had to leave for a few hours. And even being alone in the house didn't feel as bad today as it did the first time Maura had left. All in all, she felt pretty good for a change.

She was sitting on the couch watching some TV with Jo Friday next to her, the little mutt was lying on her back enjoying some belly rubs. "You know you are spoiled don't you?" Jane said to her little furry friend, who just lifted her ears in response. "Yeah, yeah, it's a dog's life." She continued the scratching while directing her attention back to the program she was watching.

A few minutes after 2 p.m. the doorbell rang. Jo immediately jumped up and ran for the door, "who's that Jo? Did your other mommy buy more shoes again?" Jane grabbed one of her crutches and worked her way over to the door. Her mouth dropped open and cold sweat immediately broke out on her body when she saw who was standing outside.

* * *

Maura had just finished up with her meeting and she was ready to go home. She decided to just pop in briefly at the cafe just to say 'hi' to Angela, and see if the woman was planning to join Jane and her for dinner tonight.

"Maura," the italian woman greeted her cheerfully like usual, but Maura immediately noticed her body language was a little off.

"You want something to drink?" Angela continued.

Maura tilted her head observing the older woman.

'_Maybe I'm just imagining things_', she thought when she didn't notice anything else out of the ordinary.

The other woman was still waiting for an answer, "Maura? Drink?"

"Oh…no, thank you, Angela. I just popped by to say I am heading home and I wanted see if you were going to join us for dinner tonight?"

"Not tonight, I have to work a few extra hours today."

"Okay, well I guess I will see you later then."

"You sure you don't want anything to drink before you go home? Or I can make you something to eat?"

"No, I don't want to leave Jane alone for too long."

Maura noticed Angela now definitely looked nervous.

"Angela? Is everything okay? You look a little …"

"I was hoping they would have more time."

"Who?" Maura felt a feeling of dread creeping up her spine.

"David and Sam."

"Angela, no!" Maura grabbed the table in front of her with both hands, trying to steady herself. "What did you do?"

"Maura, don't worry. You said Jane needed this, it will be okay."

The doctor closed her eyes and shook her head, "Angela, what did you do?" she said with a little more emphasis now.

"I…I gave David your address and told him Jane would be there."

"Oh no, no, no, no."

Maura, I'm sure everything is fine."

"No, it's not. Jane's going to feel ambushed, tricked. I can't believe you did this." Maura had raised her voice now, something very uncommon for the doctor, "you have no idea what you just did."

Maura quickly turned on her feet and rushed out the precinct and to her car, hearing but ignoring Angela's voice calling behind her. On the way home she constantly tried Jane's phone, but it went to voice mail every time.

* * *

Jane was beyond pissed. She was literally shaking from anger and frustration.

David had shown up at Maura's house, with Sam waiting in the car. But instead of opening up the door and face them, she had just stood there, frozen, unable to move. David had rang the doorbell twice and then left. He hadn't heard or seen Jane; she was sure of it, because he wouldn't have left otherwise. But it didn't make it less embarrassing or frustrating. Jane knew she froze, like a coward, like the weakling she was now. Why did they show up like that? She had made it clear she wasn't ready to make this step.

Jane knew she had to confront her fears. Dr. Liberty had told her, Maura had told her, her mom had told her, heck, even Frankie had told her. But it wasn't their decision to make, it was her own. She would have talked to Sam when she was ready, she wasn't going to ignore the kid forever, she just needed more time. She needed to build up to it, it was supposed to be her decision. She wanted to make this step herself.

Jane knew there was no way David's arrival the minute Maura left the house had been a coincidence. He wouldn't even know where Maura lived unless someone had given him the address, '_unless Maura had given him the address_'. Jane was furious, she felt played, tricked. Maura had told her about David's visit to her in the morgue and she knew how he had been pressuring the doctor ever since. Jane was very much aware of the phone calls Maura had received from David over the past few days and she felt bad about the position it put the blonde in. But what was she supposed to do? She had explained everything to Maura, she had told her how she felt and she thought the blonde understood her reluctance. Jane knew Maura thought she wasn't getting any better, but she was, she was getting better. She just needed more time, she hadn't been ready for this. Why couldn't they have given her a little more time? _'Damn it! How could she do this to me?'_

Jane wasn't thinking rational, she was upset with Maura, with the situation, but mostly with herself. She felt embarrassed and frustrated. But above all she was angry at the lack of control in her life. How had she become so weak? It seemed like everyone felt the need to give their opinion about what she needed to do. Everyone was making decisions for her. How did that happen? Nobody would have dared tell her what to do before all of this. It needed to change. She couldn't be this helpless, this pathetic anymore. She had to go.

So Jane grabbed a bag, put her clothes and other things in it and zipped it shut. She sat down on the bed and pulled out her phone, then dialed the number she needed and waited.

* * *

Maura had rushed home, breaking all the speed limits on the way. But she didn't care. She quickly parked her car and all but ran through the front door.

"Jane," she called out repeatedly while quickly making her way through her house, checking all the rooms.

But when she came to her bedroom and saw the absence of the brunette's belongings she knew she was already too late. Jane was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you think?**

**And don't worry too much, okay? The next chapter will be up Monday morning, I promise.**

***points at the box below and whispers...'cookies'***


	26. The Need For Control

Chapter 26

* * *

After finding her own house empty, Maura immediately jumped back in her car and drove towards Jane's apartment.

The minute Angela had told her what she had done, Maura knew Jane would jump to the wrong conclusion; how could she not. The only people that were supposed to know about David's request to Maura, was the two of them. That David had first asked Angela for help, was a fact not known to Jane.

Maura was worried, she had no idea what had happened that afternoon. The blonde knew she should probably call David and ask him to explain, but she was too furious with the man to have a polite conversation.

Maura had been afraid something like this would happen, she'd almost been anticipating David forcing the issue. Unfortunately with Angela providing the opportunity, that's exactly what happened.

Now all she could think about was to find Jane, and she had no idea in what shape she would find the woman. Dr. Liberty had warned Maura of what could happen when the brunette would be pushed too hard, and it worried her. She hoped Jane would just be angry; it would mean her feelings were right at the surface and it could be dealt with. What scared Maura more was the possibility of a withdrawn, shutdown version of Jane.

It had taken her weeks to get Jane to open up to her, to be honest and vulnerable with her feelings. If this resulted in Jane reverting back to the way she was when she was in the hospital, or right after her release, when she was completely closed off; she wasn't sure if she could ever forgive Angela for doing this.

* * *

Maura parked across the street of Jane's building; she got out and locked the door to her Prius. Maura figured this was the place the brunette would go, it was where she would feel the most secure. The blonde quickly ascended the steps outside of the building. A small part of her brain wondered if Jane could have even made it up the steps on her own; but she pushed the thought away and hurried inside.

When Maura finally stood in front of Jane's door, she took a few deep breaths trying to steady herself. But when she heard a loud crash coming from inside the apartment, followed by a string of curse words, she instantly raised her hand and banged loudly on the door.

"Go away," she heard from inside.

"Jane, open up the door."

"No, just leave."

"Jane, ...I'm not leaving. We need to talk and I'd rather not have your neighbors listening in on us."

"Maura, just go, ...please."

Well, if Jane wasn't going to let her in, she had no choice but to explain through the door. "Listen, whatever you think I did today, I didn't. It wasn't me."

…

"Jane?"

It took a few more moments, before Maura heard movement inside the apartment and the sound of the door being unlocked. However to her surprise, Jane didn't actually let her in. Maura briefly stared at the still closed door in front of her, wondering if she should continue to wait, or just let herself in. She decided on the latter.

She gently made her way inside the apartment, her eyes searching for Jane. It didn't take Maura long to spot the brunette, the woman was standing in the kitchen with her back towards her, leaning heavily on her crutches. Her whole body posture clear evidence of her state of mind.

Maura took in the destruction around the living room and she almost breathed a sigh of relief. Jane was definitely angry, but she hadn't withdrawn; she could handle angry Jane.

She carefully took a few steps closer to the woman still standing frozen in the kitchen. The tension radiating off of the brunette's body was almost palpable.

Maura reached out her hand to touch Jane, but at the last moment she pulled it back; it wasn't time for that yet.

"Jane…?" she softly spoke.

"It wasn't you?"

"No."

"Then who? How?" and then it clicked, "ma?" she asked, her voice taking on an ominous tone.

"Yes," Maura affirmed. "Jane, can you please turn around."

The brunette shook her head.

"I need to know if you're okay."

"I'm not."

Maura took the chance and stepped around Jane's body and in front of her. She bend her head down, trying to catch the woman's eyes. When the brunette finally made eye contact it broke the doctor's heart, the chocolate brown eyes were so sad and dark. Her cheeks were tear stained and…blood? "Jane, you are bleeding."

Maura instantly went into doctor mode and pulled Jane down to sit on one of the kitchen chairs, but the brunette waved it off. "I'm fine."

"You are not fine, you are bleeding. What happened?" Maura grabbed Jane's chin, moving her face to the side, trying to inspect the injury.

"Please stop, I can't do this anymore."

Maura dropped her hands, confused, "what do you mean?"

The brunette squeezed her eyes shut, but tears still trickled through.

"What do you mean?" Maura repeated, unable to keep the concern out of her voice.

"This! I...I can't be so helpless all the time. Have everyone take care of every single thing for me."

"Jane, I love you, I want to take care of you."

"It's _too much_ Maura. You take care of _everything_ and I've _let_ you. You stay with me all day, every day. You check up on me constantly. You help me shower, get dressed. Maura, you even cut my food. And I love you for it, I do, but it's _too much._ It makes me feel small, like a child. It's not me, it's not us. We are not equals anymore." Jane now looked defeated, Maura had been nothing but great to her, she didn't want to hurt her feelings. But things couldn't go on like this either, they had to change.

"It's not just you," she continued, "it's everyone. Everyone treats me like I'm going to break, they all tip toe around me. And now they are just going behind my back and make decisions for me? I can't deal with it anymore."

"You don't want me to take care of you? Because if that's the case, I don't think I can stop that."

"No! No, I do. Maura, I like it when you take care of me, it's just…it needs to be _less_. You need to let me be _me_ again. Let me take control of things. Let me take care of you some of the time."

Maura sat herself down next to Jane, deep in thought for a moment. She _had_ been going a little overboard lately. In the beginning the constant care had been necessary, needed and wanted. But Jane was getting better; physically definitely, emotionally a little slower, but still. Jane from three weeks back and Jane from today were worlds apart, but yet Maura had still been treating her the same. She _had_ been doing everything for her. "Okay," she finally said.

Jane looked a little surprised, she had not expected Maura to just understand. "Okay?" she said a little unsure.

"Yes, you are right. I have been going a little overboard lately, I didn't even realize it." Maura grabbed Jane's hand, "I will try and make changes, but I am still going to want to take care of you. So if I do too much, you have to tell me. And you can tell everyone else to back off as well."

"You are not going to tell them for me?" Jane said with one corner of her mouth lifted up, showing a little amusement.

"No, I think you are perfectly capable of doing that yourself," the blonde replied, the start of a smile playing on her lips.

…

"Jane?"

"Yea?"

"Will you come back home with me now?"

"I don't know, Maura. I kind of want to stay here."

The blonde quirked an eyebrow and looked around the living room which was still pretty much a scene of destruction. She frowned for a moment, thinking of a solution.

"Jane, you know you can't stay here. Not because I think you are incapable of taking care of yourself, but because of your mobility. You can't go up and down those stairs yet."

The brunette opened her mouth to start to protest, but quickly closed it, accepting the point.

"So," Maura said, "how about a compromise?"

"I'm listening." Jane tilted her head towards Maura, an amused expression on her face.

"You let me take you back to my house and you will sleep in _my_ bed." Maura looked at Jane, who indicated she was still listening. "In return I will give you space. I will go back to work full days when you don't have therapy, but I want to be home on the days that you do. And I will stop helping you so much. However I prefer to continue our showering arrangement, but for totally unrelated and completely selfish reasons. Deal?"

"Almost."

Maura quirked an eyebrow waiting for the addendum.

"Tonight we do stay here, because if I have to face my mother right now, I am not responsible for my actions. I am furious with her."

This comment brought both women back to the realization of what happened today.

"Will you tell me what happened?" the blonde tentatively asked, unsure if it was the right time.

"I will, but not now. Tomorrow. I promise. Now I just want to go to sleep. I'm exhausted."

Both women got up and walked towards the bedroom, but when Jane sat down on the bed Maura noticed how the brunette flinched in pain.

"Let me see." She pushed Jane backwards on the bed and pulled on the edge of her shirt.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" Jane said, but her tone was light.

Maura almost looked apologetic, but when she had pushed Jane's shirt all the way up, she gasped. "My god, what happened?"

"Au…Maur! You don't have to push on it."

"I wasn't pushing, I was barely touching you. I need to check if you broke anything. And I am still waiting for a response."

"I fell, …okay? When I went up the stairs outside I slipped and fell." Jane pulled on her shirt trying to cover up the fresh bruise on the left side of her body.

Maura gave Jane a stern look, "where else did you get hurt?"

The brunette let out a deep sigh, "well, besides what you can see," she said pointing at the scrape on her forehead and left arm. "I kind of fell on my …uh, ...um" and she pulled her pants slightly down to expose another bruise on her butt.

After Maura surmised Jane wasn't seriously injured, she bit her bottom lip, trying not to laugh.

"Maura! Don't laugh, it really hurts."

"I'm sorry, Jane. But you falling on your gluteus maximus is kind of humorous."

After briefly pouting, Jane joined Maura in her humor. Even though it was rather painful, it must have been a funny sight if anyone had seen her. And after everything that happened today, after all the emotions they had gone through, it actually felt really good to laugh together.

When they were laughed out, Maura got up and got the first aid kit to clean up the scrapes on Jane's face and arm, before getting some ice to put on the two bruises. She grinned again when she was holding the ice pack on the woman's behind.

* * *

Thirty minutes later they were both comfortably settled in bed, ready to go to sleep.

"Jane?"

"Hm?" the brunette was completely relaxed now.

"What are you going to do about your mother?" Maura turned on her side facing Jane in the dark.

"I don't know yet. What she did, … going behind my back like that. It's just not right."

"But she's your mom."

"I know. But I'm still pissed at her."

…

"Maur?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I blamed you. I should have known you wouldn't force me…I should have trusted you."

"It's fine, Jane. I understand why you would think it was me, it was the logical conclusion considering the circumstances. You didn't know about your mother."

"But still…I know you better than that."

"Jane, … things between us are still a little sensitive, a little raw from before. We are going to make mistakes sometimes. But as long as we keep talking to each other, we'll get back to where we were before; or even better."

…

"Maur?"

"Yes?"

"I'm wide awake now."

"Just close your eyes."

…

"Maur?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"What time is it anyway?"

Maura looked over her shoulder at the alarm clock, "it's almost eight."

…

"Maur?"

The blonde chuckled lightly, "yes?"

"Why are we in bed by eight?"

"I don't know."

…

"Maur?"

"Hm?"

"I think we should stay awake a little longer."

"Oh?" Maura said playfully.

"Yes, and I think you should take off your clothes."

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will be the conclusion to the Sam story arc. After that we are moving on.**

**A few of you were angry or frustrated with Jane last chapter, some even called her selfish. That's okay. She probably shouldn't have left. But, to me, it felt like something Jane would do. She felt weak, so she went to her own apartment, a place where she would feel secure and in control.**

**I'm a little confused about the 'Maura is always getting blamed comments' though. The only one that ever blamed Maura for anything was Frankie (and Maura blamed herself for a while). Jane never blamed Maura for what happened to her with Roy, and neither did anyone else. Last chapter Jane jumped to the wrong conclusion about Maura, and she felt betrayed. But her anger, more than anything else, was directed at herself. I hope that came through the way I meant it.**

**Next chapter will be up in a few days.**

**Yea... cookies? *points at box below***


	27. The Necessary Meeting

Chapter 27

* * *

Jane and Maura had decided to spent most of the morning at the brunette's apartment for several reasons. One reason being that Jane was not ready to confront her mother yet. The other reason being that after Jane's little rampage the night before, they really needed to clean up the living room.

Today was also a therapy day for Jane, so they decided to just go to Maura's home after the session. Maura with Jane's input had sent Angela a text the night before, telling her they would be home the next day. The brunette had considered letting her ma worry for a bit, but she didn't want to risk her mother showing up at her apartment unexpected. Jane still was very upset with her mothers backhanded setup of events the day before. She knew she would eventually forgive her mother, she knew the woman meant well and she loved her mother, but it would take some talking to fix things between them. Jane had to make it clear that something like this could never happen again, Angela had gone too far this time.

But Jane had other things on her mind as well. One being her response to Sam and David's visit. She had reacted differently than she had expected and it made her wonder about things. She decided that it was time to discuss it with Dr. Liberty today and then maybe she would know what to do. But her appointment wasn't until 1 p.m. that afternoon, so Jane and Maura decided to go out for some lunch first.

* * *

A few minutes after 1 p.m. Jane was sitting in Dr. Liberty's office. She had grown more comfortable during her sessions lately and even though Jane still didn't have full confidence in the benefits of therapy, she had to admit that talking about the events did make her feel better, most of the time.

There were still a few topics she hadn't been willing to discuss yet and Dr. Liberty had respected the boundaries. In turn Jane's respect for the doctor had grown and she had started to open up more, to share more. Without really realizing it herself, she had grown to trust the doctor.

Jane had just finished relating the events of the previous day, something that almost surprised Dr. Liberty, since the topic of conversation included Sam. And for now, the doctor had decided to just listen.

"It was kind of weird, you know? I kind of expected a different response from myself. But it was like I just froze when I saw who was at the door."

"What kind of response did you expect?"

"Fear," was the one worded answer.

"You weren't scared?" Dr. Liberty had been making notes while listening to Jane, but she now stopped writing.

"Yes and no. I felt fear, yes, but it wasn't the thing I felt the most."

"Did you at any point want to open up the door?"

Jane bit her lip, deep in thought for a moment, "I guess, yes. Part of me wanted to open up the door. But the bigger part of me was in shock. And afterwards I felt so weak and that just made me angry, I wanted it to be my choice, my decision. Not have it sprung on me like this."

Dr. Liberty leaned her head on her hand and observed Jane for a moment. "You wanted to control the when and how. That's understandable, considering what you went through."

"First I really couldn't deal with it, you know? Then everyone started pushing me; first you, and no offense, but I really wasn't ready for that at the time. But then everyone else starting pushing me; Maura, my ma, my brother, even David. It made me feel weak for not being able to do what everyone wanted me to do, so I fought it harder."

"And now?" the doctor asked.

"I know I need to do this. Not just for me, but for Sam too, he needs this as well. But I'm still scared." Jane took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"What is it that scares you the most?"

"I'm…I'm afraid he blames me for not getting him out. For letting him get hurt." Jane closed her eyes thinking back to the moment that stuck with her the most, the mistake she felt she made. When Roy was playing his sick game with her, he had threatened to hurt Sam if she didn't play along. At one point, Jane had been in so much pain, so tired, she had refused to say another word. And at that point she had found out Roy hadn't been making false threats, he had grabbed Sam's arm and twisted it until it broke. She could have avoided Sam's pain in that moment if she had just been stronger. She had already been half delusional from exhaustion and pain at that point, but she still blamed herself. And she was afraid Sam blamed her as well. In the end the kid's crying from the pain he was in, had irritated and distracted Roy so much, he had restarted the morphine drip on him; effectively knocking Sam out for the duration of their ordeal.

When Jane withdrew into one of her flashbacks Dr. Liberty usually just let it happen. Unless the brunette seemed to panic, in which case she would coerce the woman out of it. But since Jane stayed calm this time, the doctor just stayed quiet and waited for her to return to the present.

When the brunette finally opened her eyes, she had a sad look on her face.

"I would like to know why you think he would blame you." Dr. Liberty gently asked, "you think you are ready to tell me what happened?"

Jane bit her lip and then just nodded her head.

* * *

After her session Jane had followed Maura to her car. They both got in and the blonde had started the car and was about to pull out, when Jane put her hand on Maura's to stall her. The brunette had been mostly quiet since she left Dr. Liberty's office and Maura had let her be. Therapy usually took a lot out of Jane, and Maura understood this. She knew Jane would open up when she was ready, but it usually wasn't until after they arrived back home. So for the brunette to want to talk now, it kind of made her curious and a little anxious.

Jane took a few more moments, while holding Maura's hand with her own. She had a distracted look on her face.

"Jane?" Maura asked after a while when nothing was forthcoming.

"I want to see Sam today."

The blonde was a little surprised at the request, "You sure?"

Jane squeezed her hand in confirmation. "Yes, I think it's time."

"Okay," Maura put the car in gear and they left the parking structure.

On the way to their destination, they gave David a call to set up the meeting. Jane didn't want to meet at Sam's house, but at a nearby park they had occasionally hung out at. It was a place where they'd had some good times together and she felt it would be more comfortable for the both of them.

* * *

They were supposed to meet at 3 p.m., and it was still ten minutes till. Jane was a nervous wreck, having to wait. She was leaning over in the car with her head in her hands. Trying to get a hold of herself.

Maura was silently chastising herself for not taking a detour. She had miscalculated the time it would take to get here and now all they could do was wait. She knew it was raising Jane's stress level tremendously, the woman next to her was positively trembling.

"I don't know why I am shaking." Jane said, her words muffled because she was hiding her face in her hands.

"It's just your body's natural response to stress, try to focus on your breathing."

Jane complied and took in a deep breath, before slowly letting it out again. "I'm ready to do this," she sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

Maura put a hand on the back of Jane's neck and gently started to massage the muscles right below the hairline. It took a minute or so, before Jane let out a soft sigh, and Maura could feel the tension letting up. The blonde stayed quiet and just continued her caress, rubbing and scratching the skin lightly now, just to provide relaxation.

"If I wasn't so wired this could put me to sleep," Jane said, softly sighing again. Her voice sounded a lot less strained than it had a few minutes ago.

They stayed in the same position until it was time. "Jane? Are you ready? I think they are here."

The brunette finally lifted her head from her hands and looked outside; Maura was right. "Okay."

"Do you want me to come with you? Or do you want me to wait here?" The blonde asked, making it clear with the tone of her voice that she was fine with either choice.

"Wait here?"

"Okay."

Jane briefly leaned in and placed a quick peck on Maura's lips, barely a whisper of a touch; but the sentiment was clear to both of them. Then she got out of the car and made her way over to where Sam was sitting.

* * *

The brunette had expected to get more nervous when she saw Sam, or she expected to freeze again like she had the day before. But instead she started to feel calm as soon as she saw him. He looked, normal. He looked like, …Sam. It was an odd sensation.

When Jane got closer, she nodded at David, who nodded back. He quietly spoke a few words to his son, before leaving them alone.

Jane sat down opposite Sam on the table. He hadn't really looked at her yet and it worried the brunette.

"Sam?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper.

When he finally looked up, their eyes locked and they both just sat there staring at each other for a while. Not sure what to say, or how to start.

Then a glint formed in Sam's eye and the right corner of his lip turned up. "this is weird," he said.

"Yes, it is," Jane answered, her face lightened some as well. "You look good." And he did look good, besides his arm, that was still in a sling, he looked just like he always had.

Sam wiggled his arm a little and flexed his hand, "one more week and this comes off, finally." He looked back at Jane "You look … terrible."

"Thanks, bud." for a moment she playfully squinted her eyes at him, before turning serious again.

...

"Jane? Are you mad at me?" Sam's voice sounded worried.

"Mad? Why would I be mad at you?" the brunette was surprised.

"My dad said you didn't want to see me." Sam looked down now.

"No! Sam, no! Look at me please." he slowly raised his eyes again to meet hers. "I'm not mad at you, I just…I was scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

"I was scared …to come see you. That you would blame me for what happened. Sam, I'm so sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry I got you hurt."

Sam shook his head a little confused, "you didn't hurt me. That monster did. You beat him. He did terrible things to you but you never gave up. Why would I blame you?"

"Because I was there, you suffered more." Jane wasn't willing to let herself of the hook.

"You know, ...before you came for me, I was alone for almost a week. He would wake me up sometimes and I was so scared. But then, one day I woke up and you were there with me, and I wasn't alone anymore. And you were so strong. No matter what he tried to do, …you didn't let him beat you."

"Sam, he did beat me."

"No, he didn't. You are still here aren't you? And I'm still here, because of you."

They both locked eyes again. Two individuals trying to process the things that happened to them. But they shared this together, they were the only two that really understood what the other had gone through.

After a few more quiet moments they resumed talking. Jane asked Sam about his therapy and if he was going back to school. And Sam had a few questions of his own. Eventually the conversation became less awkward and more comfortable for the both of them. They fell into an old rhythm that came from knowing each other for years. They even joked around a little bit like they used to do.

Things had been difficult for the both of them. Sam had been plagued with nightmares just like Jane, but he was getting better. He said he only dreamed about 'the monster', as he called Roy, once every few nights now instead of every night.

Jane mostly just listened to Sam talk, just asking an additional question here and there. He had a good support system of people that were helping him and he was making fast progress to a full recovery; physically and emotionally.

But he had been stalled in his progress somewhat, just like Jane had been. Sam had been scared Jane blamed him for her pain, that she was mad at him in some way. And Jane thought Sam blamed her for not being strong enough to help him. Both had been wrong. And now they could move forward.

In time Jane hoped that things could go back to the way they had been before, easy and fun. But even if they never would be the same, they both would survive.

"Jane?"

"Yea?"

"Is it okay if we talk again? Sometimes I get scared and my parents don't really understand. Can I call you then?" Right now with his pleading eyes, Sam looked so much smaller than his actual age.

"Anytime, bud."

"You can call me to you know, ...if you get scared."

Jane just nodded, willing herself not to cry, but it was difficult.

After talking for a while longer, it was time to say goodbye. They stood there across from each other, Jane reached out for Sam and pulled him into a brief hug. It was a little awkward, since neither of them where the hugging type, and they just sort of smirked at each other afterwards. But it was okay, they were okay. And if not a hundred percent yet, they would both get there at their own pace.

* * *

Jane had been quiet on the way home, just processing what had happened today. Things had turned out good, better than she had expected. And part of her wondered why she had been so scared to do this to begin with. But she realized she wouldn't have been able to have this meeting last week or even a few days ago. Things had happened the way they needed to happen; at the right time. She had been able to see with her own eyes that Sam was okay, and he had been able to see in turn that she was okay as well. This confirmation had been important for both of them.

* * *

When they finally arrived back at Maura's house, Jane grabbed Maura's hand and pulled the doctor with her to the bedroom. After what had been a very draining day for her, all she wanted for the rest of the night was for the blonde to hold her tight so she could sleep. And without having to speak another word between them, Maura understood.

They lied down on the bed together. Jane wrapped herself around Maura and after a few moments of just lying there, she couldn't help but cry; all the pent up emotions from that day coming out. Maura closely held on to Jane, occasionally whispering reassurances in her ear, but otherwise she just let her cry. It didn't take very long for Jane to cry herself out and drift to sleep. Maura stayed awake for a little while longer; processing the day and just content to watch the brunette sleep, making sure she was comfortable. But it didn't take long before Jane's steady breathing lulled her into a deep sleep as well.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter wraps up the Sam story arc. Thoughts?**

**The letter for today is C, as in: - Cookies! Umm-Num-Num-Num-Num! *points below***


	28. The Doctor's Anguish

Chapter 28

* * *

It was still dark outside when Jane opened her eyes. She wasn't sure exactly what had pulled her from her sleep. She hadn't been dreaming about anything, so that couldn't have been it; yet there was something that had disturbed her sleep.

It didn't take long for her to figure out what that something was, when she heard the woman next to her whimpering in her sleep. Maura was lying on the other side of the bed, which was very unusual in itself, and it instantly put Jane on high alert. "Maura," she whispered, moving closer to the blonde.

Maura didn't respond when Jane spoke her name, she was still deep asleep. Her quiet whimpers were starting to turn into anxious cries, and her hands were flexing as if she was trying to grab a hold of something.

Jane scooted over right next to Maura, she reached out and gently shook the blonde, trying to wake her. "Maura, …you are dreaming, you have to wake up." The brunette kept her voice soothing, trying to coach the woman awake. "Babe, please wake up."

Suddenly Maura sharply inhaled and opened her eyes. When she saw Jane next to her she reached out and took a hold of her shirt, balling the material tightly in her fists.

"Maur, it's okay. It was just a dream." Jane softly spoke.

"You…" the blonde blinked her eyes a few times, trying to clear the images in her head. "You… were gone and I…I couldn't get to you… I couldn't find you."

"I'm right here, Maur."

"But you left," was the broken response, tears falling down her face.

Jane swallowed, thinking about two days before, when she had left Maura's house in anger. Not once had she thought about what it would do to the doctor when she came home to find her gone.

"I'm so sorry, Maura. I should have never left, I didn't think…I…I'm so sorry."

The blonde was full out crying now, and it was quickly turning into the 'I can't breath' kind.

"You …could…have …died." Every word was interrupted by a breathless sob. "I…wasn't…here."

Listening to those words, Jane became aware Maura wasn't just talking about the other night, but about when she had been missing while the blonde was still on the other side of the world. How could she not have realized what that would have done to Maura. Jane knew why, she had been too deep within her own darkness to notice the effect it had on the woman she loved. But no more.

"I'm okay, Maura. We're okay."

Jane's words didn't stop Maura's crying, the blonde was too distraught for any words to really register. So the brunette did the only thing she could think of and put her arms around Maura to hold her close against her. The response she received did not surprise her, when the blonde grabbed on to Jane as tight as she could.

Jane rolled on her back and pulled Maura with her so she was resting on top. The close physical contact seemed to ease the blonde's distress, but it wasn't enough. She needed to feel more of Jane, to know she was okay. "Closer," Maura said, her voice unsteady.

Jane did as she was told and held on even tighter.

"More," Maura already had a hold on the brunette that was almost painful, but it didn't matter, it wasn't enough.

Jane did her best to comply, she held the blonde even closer to her and hooked her good leg around Maura's, providing as much contact as possible.

The blonde's breathing started to slow down some, but she still felt terrified; unable to shake the terror she had felt in her dream. Jane's body closely against her own helped, but it wasn't enough for her, she had to have more. She frantically started pulling on Jane's clothes, trying to remove them. She needed more, so much more. She needed to feel Jane's skin against her own, feel her heart beat below her fingers. She needed to know, to feel, that she was alive and here.

After quickly removing her own clothes and almost ripping Jane's clothes off her body, she lied back down on top of Jane. The skin to skin contact was definitely helping to ease her panic. But still Maura wanted more, and that night she took what she wanted, what she needed.

She kissed the brunette with almost a bruising intensity, biting and nipping at her lips, her jaw, her neck. She sucked hard at the brunette's pulse point, knowing she would leave a mark, but not caring in the slightest. She palmed Jane's breasts almost roughly; not to hurt, 'never to hurt', but to reaffirm, making the woman gasp below her.

Maura's mouth and hands worked their way down Jane's torso, licking and marking. Before going back up again for another frenzied kiss. While their tongues were dueling for control, their hips were rolling in need.

The way Maura took possession of Jane tonight was anything but gentle. It was fast and controlling; an affirmation of the woman's existence. It was part frustration, part anger, part helplessness and part reassurance; yet somehow still loving.

Maura pushed Jane towards that ultimate peak, and when the brunette fell over, she wasn't far behind.

When they finally came down, still sweating and panting from their passion, the blonde felt lighter and free; like a weight was lifted from her.

With that, came exhaustion, and while still lying on top of Jane, she soon fell back asleep.

* * *

The next morning when Maura opened her eyes, she saw that Jane was already awake, perched on an elbow, looking down at her.

Remembering what happened during the night the blonde blushed. "I'm sorry about last night, Jane," she said feeling a little embarrassed.

The brunette had a surprised look on her face, "sorry, what for?"

"I pretty much attacked you." Maura said, closing her eyes.

When she opened them again Jane's face was right above her own. The brunette was so close that her hair and breath tickled her face, "Maur, you have nothing to be sorry for. It was what you needed and … to be honest, it was very sexy and hot. You can '_attack_' me any time you like," and she affirmed that notion with a sweet kiss.

"However," Jane said, slowly pulling away, "we should probably talk about what was behind it. Why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares too?" The brunette's voice was loving, gentle.

Maura moved on her side now, facing Jane, "because I didn't, at least not since you came home from the hospital anyway."

"Do you remember what the dream was about?"

Maura slowly let out her breath, "I think it was a variation on what I've dreamt before. I used to dream that I came home from the airport, to find your apartment empty. I would look for you, but I could never find you. ...Last night, the dream started the same, I came home from the airport, but instead of going to your apartment I came here. And I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find you."

"It's because I left, isn't it? The other day?" the brunette said, her expression regretful, "Maur, I'm so sorry. I never should have done that, I never thought - "

The blonde cut Jane off mid sentence. "We already talked about why you left, and I understand. Just promise me, that no matter how mad or angry you get with me in the future, you will never leave like that again. Can you promise me that?"

"I can. I promise," Jane said completely earnest, "Never again, okay?"

"Okay."

"But Maur, when you are struggling, you have to tell me too. Whatever you need, I'm here for you."

The blonde just nodded and rolled over, burying her face in Jane's hair.

It was quiet for a while until Maura could feel the brunette laughing slightly. "What?" she asked, still nuzzled in the crook of Jane's neck.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to have another bad dream. But really, Maura, last night was very hot."

The blonde looked up and squinted her eyes at Jane. Then just shook her head and playfully smacked her on the arm, "I think we should get up now."

"Yes, I am sort of hungry. ...For food." Jane clarified when seeing Maura's amused look.

* * *

After they were done with breakfast Maura and Jane were still sitting in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee while comfortably conversing. When they were interrupted by Frankie barging in through the back door.

"Knock much, Frankie?" Jane said, throwing her brother an annoyed glare.

"Sorry, I…," he shook his head, "no time, ma's on her way. And she's in a mood, fair warning."

Jane's face instantly darkened, "_she's_ in a mood?" she had barely finished her sentence when Angela Rizzoli barged into the kitchen.

The brunette instantly tensed up soon as she saw her mother. The only thing that was keeping her from getting up and leaving the room was Maura's hand placed at the small of her back; providing unspoken support.

"You two could have let me know you were back." Angela started in an accusatory tone, pointing a finger at Jane and Maura. "I got a text two days ago and then nothing?"

Jane bit her lip and just glared at her mother for a moment, feeling the anger bubbling up inside her.

"Accusations, Really? How about an apology, Ma?" the brunette's voice was low, but her tone was edging on dangerous.

"An apology? What for?"

Jane rolled her eyes, "oh, I don't know, maybe for going behind my back and arranging a meeting with David and Sam?"

"That? I was just trying to help, Jane."

"I didn't ask for your help. It wasn't your decision to make." The brunette had gotten up, leaning heavily on the kitchen counter.

"Maura said you needed this, but she didn't want to force you." Angela said in defense, "I figured I would lend a hand. It worked out okay, didn't it?"

"That's not the point, Ma. You had no business interfering."

"Jane, calm down. I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this. I'm sorry okay?" Angela said, her palms were up in an attempt to calm her daughter.

"The 'big deal' _is_ that because of you I blamed Maura for something she didn't do. You have any idea what kind of damage this could have done to us, to our relationship? You went too far this time, you tricked me and you're not even sorry." Maura's distress from last night was still burned fresh in Jane's memory.

"I just said I was sorry, didn't I?" Angela tried again. Jane closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. It almost worked; that was, until her mother threw in another, "but it worked out though, right?"

The brunette's eyes shot back open. She sadly realized that it didn't matter what she said, her mother was never going to get it. She just didn't understand why Jane was so upset. She didn't get how much Jane had been struggling with herself before she could meet with Sam. Or how it had felt to have that control taken away from her, when she was so desperately trying to regain control back in her life. Angela just didn't get it, and Jane knew there was nothing she could say to make her mother understand.

So instead of continuing to fight and trying to explain her anger. She let herself fall back in her chair; feeling psychologically deflated.

* * *

Even though Angela didn't understand where Jane was coming from, at least she did have the common sense to leave the house when the conversation came to a halt.

Frankie who had been quiet throughout the exchange stayed behind after his mother had left.

He still didn't say anything, he just stood there and observed the two women in front of him.

Jane was leaning forward, her face hidden in her hands. Maura was sitting next to her, softly rubbing her back and talking to her in hushed tones. Frankie couldn't hear what was being said, but he did see the calming effect the blonde's words had on his sister.

After a while, Maura looked up and noticed Frankie was still standing there, watching them; no, examining them, "Frankie?"

Jane also finally lifted her head and her eyes fell on her brother, she quirked an eyebrow at him in question.

"I'm sorry," Frankie said shaking his head.

"What are you sorry for?" Jane asked confused. "You had nothing to do with this. This was all ma."

"No," the younger Rizzoli said, "not this, before. I'm sorry about before. I just didn't get it, you know?"

"Okaaay? You have to give me more than that, bro. I'm just not following you here," the brunette looked at Maura with a puzzled expression on her face, but the blonde just uncharacteristically shrugged her shoulders, she didn't know either.

"I was mad, okay?" Frankie tried to explain again, "...at Maura, before. And I'm sorry. I was just angry because you didn't let me help you, Jane; even though I'm your brother. I was upset because you only let Maura in, and I didn't understand why. But now I do." Frankie motioned from Maura to Jane, "she calms you. She gets you, like nobody else does; not even me."

The brunette affectionately looked over at Maura, unable to withhold the smile forming on her lips and the blonde's response was instantaneous, smiling back.

"See? That's what I mean." Frankie was pointing between the two women, "it's like you don't even have to say anything to each other."

"Come here," Jane said, stretching out her hand to her brother. When Frankie got closer she playfully punched him on the shoulder. "Thanks bro, that means a lot to me." the brunette softly spoke.

The younger Rizzoli rubbed on the spot his sister had just hit, feigning pain. "You just get back to health sis, playing one on one with Tommy just aint the same."

And that was the end of that. Frankie understood now. And the more he thought about it, the more he became thankful to Maura for helping his sister when nobody else could get through to her. His sister was getting better all the time and that was all that really mattered now.

* * *

**A/N: Another chapter? Already? Yes, why not. :)**

**I wanted to show in this chapter that Maura wasn't unaffected by everything that happened. Hope you enjoyed it.**

**In the next chapter we will do a little time jump, just a few weeks.**

**I appreciate each and every one of you that's still reading. Especially those that share their thoughts with me in reviews or pm's (we made it to 400 reviews, OMG).**

**And do I even have to say it. It starts with a C. Okay, feed the muse ... with cookies. ;p**


	29. The Casts Come Off

Chapter 29

* * *

It's been exactly two weeks since Jane had first seen and spoken to Sam and things had continued to steadily improve.

Jane was still seeing Dr. Liberty three times a week, but they had decided to soon dial the sessions down to twice or maybe only one time a week. Which was okay because she was getting a little better every day; yet she had a way to go.

For one, she still suffered from nightmares. However she didn't have them as frequent as before, and there had actually been several times, when she slept through the night without having any at all. And when she did have them she was able to snap out of them more quickly. Dr. Liberty had told her that in time they would disappear completely. The brunette had just shrugged her shoulders at the comment, but she hoped the doctor was right.

Jane also still suffered from the occasional flashback during the day time as well, sometimes certain things would just trigger them. But thankfully, even those had become less frequent and intense lately.

One day she had tried to explain her progress to Maura. She had said that in the beginning her days were mostly filled with darkness, and the light would shine through only rarely. But now it started to be in reverse, where her days became light again, just once in a while the darkness would creep back in.

Sometimes she still had a bad day, where things would feel bleak and depressing. But as time passed by, the good days started outweighing the bad ones.

Today was definitely a good day, and an important one as well. Jane was almost bouncing with nervous energy. She had an appointment at the hospital that afternoon, and they were going to take a scan of her hand and leg. If everything looked like it should, the casts were coming off today. Jane couldn't wait to not have to deal with the annoying nuisances anymore.

Part of her felt a little apprehensive as well, because it meant the real physical recovery would start. Jane knew from experience the pain and frustration that comes with physical therapy. She knew that no matter how much you prepared for it, you never really were. And if she was honest, she was nervous about the damage that was done to her hand and leg. The bullet that had hit her leg, had not only broken the bone, it had also done damage to the muscles and nerves. Maura had told her that when the cast came off, she would have to rebuild her quadriceps and hamstring muscles back to full strength. It would take time and it would be painful.

Jane affectionately glanced sideways at Maura, smiling, while taking in the beautiful woman next to her. She couldn't resist brushing some of the blonde's hair behind her ear and to place a tender kiss on her cheek.

They were sitting side by side in the kitchen eating breakfast. Jane with a bowl of cereal; Maura next to her with a bowl of fruit. Things between them had definitely improved a lot over the past few weeks. They had been pretty great actually. After their conversation in Jane's apartment, Maura had kept her promise. She now let Jane do most things on her own, if she was able. She also stopped constantly checking up on her and she had gone back to work on Tuesdays and Thursdays; which were Jane's no therapy days. The other days, if at all possible, Maura stayed home, she just wanted to be around after Jane had one of her sessions. She never pushed her to talk, but if the brunette wanted to discuss something, Maura would be there to listen to her. The past few weeks they had really reconnected with each other, and the result was that they now felt closer than ever.

Jane was just about to say something to the woman next to her, when they got interrupted by a knock at the back door.

"Morning," Angela said cheery, poking her head around the corner.

"Good morning, Angela," Maura responded.

The older woman now completely stepped through the door and inside the kitchen.

"So big day today, huh?" Angela said, while directing her attention to her daughter.

The brunette resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "yup", she said briefly looking up at her mother before directing her attention back to her breakfast.

See, not everything was getting better. The relationship between Jane and Angela had actually gotten worse, strained. After Angela's interference with David and Sam, the brunette had tried to talk to her mother. Angela had apologized to Jane, but the older woman was convinced that her actions had only helped her daughter. '_It worked out, didn't it?_' she had said, infuriating Jane. Angela just didn't get it. And the result was that Jane had started to shut her mother out, unable and unwilling to keep trying to explain why her actions had been wrong.

It wasn't like she couldn't forgive her mother for what she had done, she could, and in a way she already had; she knew the woman's intentions had been good. But the backhanded set up had hurt Jane deeply, and it could have hurt the relationship between her and Maura as well. She just wanted her mother to acknowledge that fact. She wanted her mother to understand. But instead Angela just acted like nothing had happened, like she had done nothing wrong.

Initially Maura had been angry with Angela as well, but she had let it go. This was something between Jane and her mother. Even though Maura stood by Jane on the issue, she did it without ignoring Angela.

It was a delicate balance, but one that the blonde was able to navigate properly. And Jane didn't want Maura's relationship with her mother to change in any way either; that wouldn't be fair to anyone.

This was between mother and daughter and eventually they would work it out. But in the mean time, Jane was holding a bit of a grudge. She was never downright mean to her mother, she was just short and distant.

* * *

"You want some coffee, Angela?" Maura said friendly while grabbing a cup from the cupboard.

"Yes, thank you Maura. So, ..._are_ you excited?" Angela tried again, looking back at her daughter.

"Mhmm," Jane pushed her bowl away from her and reached over to grab the morning paper, opening it immediately to the sports section.

Maura looked at both women and just shook her head, pouring the cup of coffee. "Here you go," she said handing the cup to Angela.

"Thanks, honey." the older woman grabbed the cup from Maura's hands and sat down next to Jane. Almost instantly the brunette pushed back from the table and stood up.

"Going to get ready," Jane mumbled behind her and she left the kitchen.

Angela sighed, "is she ever going to forgive me? ...I'm trying here."

Maura took a sip of her own coffee before answering, "I can't get in between the two of you, Angela. You know that."

"I know. I just don't know what to do."

Maura took a deep breath and sat down next to the older woman, holding her coffee cup in between her hands. "It's going to take time, Angela. Maybe just give her some space."

"If I do that, she might never talk to me again," Angela said, half joking, trying to keep her voice light, but mostly failing.

* * *

A few hours later Jane and Maura where sitting in Dr. Clint's office waiting for the results of the X-rays.

Dr. Clint was looking at the scans, his eyebrows closely knitted together. "Hmm," he said taking his time. After a minute or two he looked up at Jane. "Okay, it's time to remove those casts."

"Really? After freaking me out with your hmm-ing like that?" The brunette feigned annoyance, but her voice was playful.

Dr. Clint smiled at Jane, he was happy to see his patient so different from the last time he'd seen her in the hospital.

* * *

A nurse came out and took Jane into a separate room, where she took out a saw to cut the casts off. First the one on her leg and then the one on her hand. "Don't move them around too much yet," the nurse said, "the doctor needs to examine them first."

Jane nodded, and the nurse left the room to get the doctor.

The brunette looked at her leg and hand and frowned. Maura leaned against the examination table where Jane was sitting, and she was just about to ask what was wrong, when Dr. Clint interrupted them, stepping into the room.

"So, let's see what we have here." He said, while starting his inspection of Jane's limbs.

He first looked at her leg; checking her range of motion. "Jane, as I explained to you before, besides the broken bone, there was significant damage to your muscle. And even though during surgery we repaired most of the damage, it's still going to take some time for it to fully heal. Your leg is going to feel stiff and your range of motion will be limited for a while. Right now the muscles are atrophied from disuse and you will have to rebuild them to regain back your strength. But you have to take it easy for a few weeks. Don't overdo it with PT, because that won't make your recovery go any faster; it will just put you in a world of pain. And you are still going to need some extra support when walking, at least until your leg gets stronger. Either use one of your crutches or get a cane."

Dr. Clint looked at his patient, noticing the woman didn't look very pleased with the news, "It's going to take time, Jane. But I'm confident your leg will get back to normal, okay?" He tried to encourage her.

Jane nodded in agreement, however Maura could see the defiant and stubborn look in her eyes; but she decided to let it go for now.

"Okay, lets take a look at your hand," Dr. Clint carefully took a hold of Jane's left hand and inspected it. Gently feeling the muscles and bones. "Can you try and make a fist for me?"

Jane tried to do as the doctor asked but her hand wasn't cooperating. Her fingers barely moved, and when they finally did move she flinched in pain. She glanced at Maura with a scared look in her eyes.

"Its okay, Jane," Dr. Clint said trying to reassure his quickly panicking patient. "It's not what I hoped for, but it's not uncommon or unexpected either. Lets put this brace on it for right now and we can move back into my office."

Jane quickly moved off the table before Dr. Clint could warn her, and as soon as she put weight on her leg it gave out under her. Thankfully both Maura and Dr. Clint grabbed a hold of her, before she could fall to the ground. They helped the frustrated woman back on the examination table.

"Jane, your leg is unable to bear your weight at the moment. I know it's an inconvenience, but you have to use your crutches until you start to regain the strength in your muscles." Dr. Clint said his voice friendly but stern.

Jane's mood was quickly turning from excited to frustrated. She had really hoped, even though she knew better, that she could just walk out of the hospital like a normal person.

* * *

On the way home Jane had been quietly moping. She had hoped for a lot more than she had gotten. Yes, her casts were finally removed, but no she couldn't really use her leg yet, and no, she couldn't really use her hand either.

Maura knew Jane was disappointed and she wasn't really sure what to say to make things better. She knew Jane didn't want to hear statistics or common platitudes, so she just let the woman sulk for a bit.

* * *

When they got home Jane decided she wanted to change her clothes. With her leg cast gone, she figured she could at least wear a pair of jeans again. She took off the sweats she had been wearing, but instead of getting dressed again, she just sat down on the bed and looked at her hand and leg. For long moments she just stared at the newly exposed scars.

After a while Maura decided to see what was taking Jane so long and she found the brunette sitting on the bed, deep in thought.

"Hey," she said while taking a seat next to Jane.

"...It's ugly," the brunette said tracing the scar on her leg with her fingers.

"It's not ugly, Jane."

"It's all red and wrinkly."

"It will turn white and smooth out, it will become less noticeable over time."

Jane stayed silent, an unreadable expression on her face. Maura moved a little closer and leaned her head on the brunette's shoulder.

Jane looked again at her leg and hand, "and they look funny. Like from an old person, all wrinkly and weird. I got an old person's leg, Maur," she was whining a little, "and hand."

"It's normal, Jane. It's just dead skin, it will come off. It's going to need time to heal, get back to normal."

Jane lifted her hand closer to her face, "it smells funny too."

Maura grabbed Jane's hand and pulled it closer to her face, scrunching up her nose.

"It's not too bad. Considering you haven't washed it in six weeks." Maura repressed a chuckle.

"Did you just joke...and laugh? At my stinky, old hand?" Jane said, trying to withhold her own smile.

"I wouldn't dare," the blonde replied, her voice feigning innocence. "Thankfully I have a solution for this problem," she said, a grin on her face, "come on."

Maura pulled Jane up and supported her while walking to the bathroom.

She drew a small bath of warm water with soap and gently urged Jane into it. After having the brunette soak her leg and hand for about twenty minutes, she carefully rubbed them dry with a soft towel. Then she took Jane back to their bedroom and had her lie back down on the bed. Where she started to gently massage some lotion on the sensitive skin.

When she was done, she lied down on her side of the bed next to Jane. The brunette moved on her side as well, facing Maura. "Thanks, Maur," she said, softly sighing, "it looks better already."

"I'm sorry today wasn't what you had hoped it to be," the blonde said.

Jane nodded, and moved a little closer on the bed to Maura, lying her hand on the woman's hip. "S'okay."

They just lied there for a while and looked at each other, when all of a sudden Jane's mouth turned up in a goofy smile.

"What?" Maura asked.

"'I'm just glad they don't smell funny anymore."

And with that, the mood turned light again. But they didn't move from their position on the bed, they just stayed right where they were and enjoyed each others company.

"You know,"Jane said after a while. "There is a least one good thing about not wearing this cast anymore."

"What's that?" Maura responded, stilling her hand that had been playing with Jane's hair.

Jane moved even closer to the blonde, wiggling her left leg in between Maura's. "This." Both of them entangled their legs as much as possible without putting too much weight on Jane's still healing leg.

"Ah yes, I've definitely missed this." Maura said, smiling sweetly at Jane. "I'm glad you're looking at the positive side of things."

Jane shrugged her shoulders, and leaned in for a kiss. "I try. The rest will come right?"

"Right," Maura said, pushing herself closer to Jane and moving in for another kiss.

* * *

**A/N: ****So I was planning on wrapping up the story before the new winter episodes/Nov 27th. But I don't think that's going to happen, unless I rush the end and just wrap it up in an epilogue. I think I'd rather take a little longer and finish it the right way. Hopefully all you lovely readers will stick with me while I move into the last arc of the story.**

**For everyone that celebrates Thanksgiving, enjoy the time with your loved ones.**

***gobble gobble* (It's turkey-ish for leave a cookie aka review)**


	30. The Stubborn Woman

Chapter 30

* * *

Frankie was taking Jane to her first physical therapy appointment. Maura had wanted to be the one to take her, but she had been called into work today. Thankfully for the brunette, her brother had the morning off and volunteered to drive her. This way she wouldn't have to take a cab, and Jane liked hanging out with the younger Rizzoli. Frankie and her had always been close, ever since they were kids.

On the car ride over, they purposely kept conversation light today, playfully joking with each other. Neither of them wanting to broach any serious topics; there'd been enough stress lately.

Frankie dropped Jane off at the front door of the facility, before he left to park the car. He didn't want his sister to have to walk too far and Jane didn't mind, she was going to get enough exercise that morning.

It had been two days since her casts had come off and she was anxious to get the rehabilitation process started. She wasn't able to bear any real weight on her leg yet, but instead of using her crutches, she now used a cane. Maura and her had gone out the day before to buy one. She got the most bad ass looking cane she could find, and she was very happy with the change; thinking it at least looked less pathetic than the crutches.

Jane went inside the building, signed in and took a seat in the waiting room. She didn't have to wait long before a friendly and smiling young woman came to get her to start her PT for today. Frankie looked at the woman and then at Jane, smirking to himself. Jane's physician had urged her to take it easy during PT, but Frankie knew his sister better than that. He was almost positive that this friendly little lady wouldn't be able to handle or control his sister at all.

* * *

It was almost an hour later when the same young woman opened the door again, this time to let Jane back out into the waiting room. The brunette just motioned her head for her brother to follow her. Frankie looked briefly at the young therapist, still standing in the doorway. She wasn't smiling anymore, she actually looked utterly frustrated.

"You okay?" Frankie asked. "Did my sister give you any trouble?" he asked biting his lip trying not to smile.

The young woman just looked flummoxed "your sister is a very stubborn woman." She now shook her head, "she's going to be in a lot of pain, very soon."

Frankie just smiled, "then maybe she'll listen better next time." he said before following his sister outside.

* * *

The pain the therapist had mentioned to Frankie, the same pain Dr. Clint had warned Jane about a few days prior, started almost right after her brother had dropped her back off at Maura's house. Jane was now lying on the couch in the living room, very much chastising herself. She really hadn't felt too bad during PT, so she just pushed herself a little harder than the physical therapist recommended. Well, a lot harder, actually.

She felt a little bad for not listening to the young therapist, when she had warned her to slow down, take it easy. But Jane had thought, that maybe she could speed up the process of recovery, by doing just a little more. What could it hurt, right? Jane had now found out, exactly _what_ it could hurt. Her whole leg burned with white hot pain.

She wanted to get up off the couch and get some painkillers or ice. Or maybe walk to the bathroom and jump in the shower. Heck, at this point Jane would have gladly even taken a bath; anything to relief the pain. But any time she would try to get up, her muscles would spasm, increasing the pain level tenfold. So she just lay there, as still as possible. It still hurt, a lot, but not as much as when she moved.

* * *

Maura was thankful she was able to finish up work today faster than she had anticipated. It was just a little after 2 p.m. now and she was on her way home. She was curious how Jane's PT went that morning. She had wanted to go with the brunette, but a few issues in her department had made it a priority for her to go in to work that day. Thankfully Frankie had been able to take Jane instead.

Things between Maura and Frankie were back to normal, the way they had always been; amiable. She had wanted to talk to Frankie about everything again, but Jane had assured her everything was okay now. The brunette had then told her that guys don't really need to have that extra conversation. When they're good, they're good.

* * *

Maura quietly opened her front door and was instantly greeted by Jo Friday. The little mutt was always excited to see her. The dog bounced around her feet for a few moments before running back into the living room, sitting down next to the couch, alerting her to the other occupant in the room.

Maura smiled when she saw a bounce of dark curls splayed out on one of the pillows. Jane's eyes were closed, but the blonde noticed the woman didn't look peaceful at all; she actually didn't even look asleep.

Maura carefully sat herself down next to Jane on the couch.

"You don't have to be quiet, I'm not really sleeping," came the mumbled greeting.

"I can see that," Maura frowned looking at the brunette's drawn features. "I think I can hypothesize how PT went today."

Two chocolate brown eyes opened and looked straight at Maura. Even though clearly in pain, her expression was amused. "Maura Isles is guessing?"

"I said hypothesize. It's different. And you - ", she pointed at Jane, "clearly overdid it today."

"How could you tell, you just got in."

"You didn't move when I came in, which means you are probably unable to do so without causing yourself extreme discomfort."

"Maybe I'm just comfortable on the couch." Jane said, she _knew_ Maura knew exactly what had happened. She just couldn't bring herself to admit her stupidity yet.

"You are also still in your work out clothes," she held up her index finger halting Jane's comeback. "You have a sickly pallor and you look to be running a slight fever. And…even though you are protesting, you still haven't moved an inch since I got home."

Jane held up both hands, admitting defeat. "fine, I overdid it today."

Maura shook her head, "Jane, you know what Dr. Clint said. Pushing yourself over your limit won't make your recovery go any faster. It will just put you in unnecessary pain."

"I know, I just didn't think it was going to be this bad."

Maura got up and went to the kitchen. After a few moments she came back and handed Jane an ice pack, plus a glass of water with some ibuprofen. "Here, take this. I am going to take a shower, in the mean time, stay here and don't move."

"Actually I was planning to take a run arou- " Jane quickly closed her mouth, when Maura's glare told her that sarcasm was not appreciated at the moment.

* * *

Jane, grateful for the ice and pain killers, did exactly as Maura had ordered. After about thirty minutes the doctor came back into the living room, freshly showered, and dressed impeccably as usual.

"Okay," she said, sitting back down next to Jane. "Did the ibuprofen kick in yet?"

"Mhmm, yes, I think so."

"Lets get you up and to the bedroom then; where you are going to stay this afternoon and rest."

Jane grimaced when she pushed herself upright, her leg instantly spasming and protesting at the movement.

Maura pulled the brunette further up and helped her into the bedroom and onto the bed. "You should take of your pants," she said pointing at the brunette's leg.

"Oh, Maur, I don't think I can right now. I would love to…you know...with you. But I'm in too much pain. Maybe later?" Jane said regretful.

"Jane, get your mind out of the gutter. That's not what I meant," Maura let out a breath in frustration. She knew Jane would overdo it today; she had just hoped that she wouldn't.

The brunette blushed slightly and pulled down her pants.

Maura briefly disappeared in the bathroom, before returning with a tube of ointment. She put some of it on her hands to warm it up. "Okay, now just lie back. I would say enjoy, but this is going to hurt," the blonde said seriously, before she took a hold of Jane's leg to start manipulating the muscles.

The brunette bit her lip and groaned, her leg twisting, unable to hold still. "Jeezus, Maura. You weren't kidding, were you," she said, now clenching her teeth together.

Maura silently continued her massage, easing the spasms in Jane's leg, relaxing the muscles.

When a solid ten minutes had passed, the pain in the brunette's leg finally started to ease.

Jane softly sighed, then glanced at Maura through slitted eyelids. Observing the doctor who was still fully concentrating on the muscles below her fingertips.

When Maura was confident the muscles were relaxed now, she stopped her massage and looked down at Jane, who was still quietly watching her. "What?" she asked, one eyebrow quirked in question.

"Just…you're really amazing, you know that?" Jane said earnestly, grabbing a hold of Maura's hands, gently coaching the woman closer to her. "I don't know how you do it, but you always know exactly what to do or say to make me feel better. Even when I…" Jane paused, she wanted to say this right, "…when I was at my darkest moments and I could feel myself drifting away. You were right there, pulling me back. You are my bright spot, Maura. I really don't know what I would do without you."

Maura blinked back a tear, "you never have to worry about that Jane. You have me, for as long as you want me."

Jane let out a big Rizzoli smile. "always, Maur. I'll always want you."

* * *

**A/N:****This chapter was a little shorter than usual, but I hope you enjoyed it just the same. Next one will be about double the size, and I'll try to have it up by Thursday.**

**I just realized we reached 30 chapters. wow, never saw that happening when I started. We are definitely in the home stretch. The story**** won't be that much longer, I'd say another 6-7 chapters at the most.**

**Also finally a brand new episode of Rizzoli & Isles tomorrow night. It's about time.**


	31. The Bucket Overflows

**A/N: Decided to update a day early. I'm sure you nice people don't mind. Drama warning.**

* * *

Chapter 31

* * *

It had been exactly two weeks since Jane had her first PT session and she was getting more and more frustrated with her lack of physical progress.

This morning she was particularly irritated. She had been up half the night because she couldn't get into a comfortable position to sleep. Her back was killing her from constantly having to sleep on it, but every time she moved to her side, her leg started doing weird things. It would spasm, ache, itch; it was annoying the hell out of her.

She knew Maura would have massaged her leg, or her back to help her relax if she had asked. But the woman had obviously been exhausted after a long day at work and Jane didn't want to be a nuisance and ask.

After lying awake for several hours, she had finally given up trying to go to sleep. She got out of bed and went to the living room to watch some TV instead. It didn't make her sleepy, but it did take her mind off stuff.

At least it did until Maura came looking for her, looking all cute and half asleep. She had been missing the brunette's presence next to her and gotten worried. Jane knew Maura wouldn't go back to sleep unless she joined her; so that's exactly what she'd done.

She had gone back to bed and continued to lie there awake for the majority of the night. It wasn't until the very early morning hours she finally managed to fall asleep; on her belly, and only because of sheer exhaustion.

But her rest was short. Because soon after she started her slumber, Maura's alarm went off; waking not only the doctor but her as well. All in all, it put the sleep deprived brunette in a very bad mood that morning.

* * *

Now here she was, sitting on the edge of the bed, half asleep and half dressed. She had already thrown her sweater across the room after she couldn't zip it shut, and now she was struggling with the buttons on her jeans.

At least she took some small comfort in knowing she had managed to put her jeans on by herself today; albeit with some mild discomfort to her leg. However closing the damn thing was a whole different matter.

Her left hand was not healing well, it was painful and stiff. She still couldn't make a proper fist, and most of the time she had no strength in it at all. It wasn't like her hand was completely useless, she could do certain things just fine. But it was the small things that gave her trouble. Things that required the use of only one or two individual fingers. Things that required a certain measure of precision, like zipping up a shirt, or buttoning a pair of jeans. '_Or pulling the trigger of a gun_', that last thought had crossed her mind more than once in the past two weeks.

She did her exercises and she had tried to stay positive, but if Jane was honest with herself, it really scared her.

After fumbling with the buttons for another minute, she gave up. Jane let herself fall backwards on the bed with a loud groan. At that same time Maura, clad in only a silk bathrobe, walked in the room. She had just stepped out of the shower and was still drying her hair with a towel.

Maura looked over at Jane, who was now angrily muttering to herself.

"You need some help?" She asked, taking a step closer to the brunette.

"No," Jane growled, blowing at a strand of hair that had fallen over her face.

Maura walked over to the bed and climbed on top off the frustrated woman, straddling her hips and leaning down, one hand on each side of Jane's head. "No?" she asked, her eyes meeting chocolate brown. "No, as in, …I need your help, but I am to stubborn to ask for it?"

Jane briefly narrowed her eyes at Maura. "Maybe?" she said and her face softened a bit. "It's scary how well you know me. You know that right? You got that weird, reading my mind thing going on," she said, circling a finger in front of her face. "I might have to get one of those tin foil hats to block you out."

Maura, looking confused, grabbed onto Jane's finger and stopped it's movement. "It would be impossible for me to read your mind, Jane. But I can read your body language and facial expressions. I know you; very well actually. And I know you are frustrated with your lack of progress lately." She brushed a few strands of hair from the brunette's face.

Jane played with the edge of Maura's robe, her face completely neutral.

"Okay, now I have no idea what you are thinking about," the blonde said, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

Jane let out a long sigh, "It's nothing, I was just thinking about something."

"Jane?" Maura said in that impatient tone she gets sometimes.

"Really, Maur. It's fine," she tries to smile reassuringly. "Don't you have to get ready, you have a meeting with Cavanaugh this morning don't you?"

Maura looked at the clock, "oh, yes. I do. And if I don't hurry up, I am going to be late." She moved herself back up and off of Jane's hips. Her fingers quickly buttoning up the brunette's jeans, before the woman got the chance to protest.

"You know, it's much more fun when you _undress_ me," Jane joked. She pulled on Maura's robe, just as she got up off the bed, which resulted in the thing coming undone. When the woman gave her a bit of a glare, Jane put her hands up in surrender. "Just figured I'd help you out as well," she said with a sly smile on her face, "it's only fair."

Maura arched an eyebrow, "very funny, Jane," she said, shaking her head. Then she quickly disappeared into the closet to pick out her outfit for the day. She didn't like being rushed in the morning, but she had no choice today; she really didn't want to be late for her meeting.

Jane had finally finished getting dressed herself, opting for a 'no-buttons' or 'zipper' shirt and sweater. She walked over to the kitchen and started the doctor's elaborate coffee machine. She knew exactly how long it would take for Maura to get ready. The woman was very much a creature of habit, her morning ritual pretty much the same every day, and Jane loved her for it.

So when Maura walked into the kitchen, dressed immaculate as always, ready for her day; she had just finished putting the coffee in a travel mug so the doctor could drink it on her way to work. Jane briefly considered the domesticity of the gesture, but wasn't bothered by it in the least.

"I shouldn't be too late tonight. I'll call you later and let you know when I'll be home. Promise me you'll take it easy at PT today." Maura talked while looking around the kitchen for her phone.

"Hey, I learned my lesson after the first time." Jane said, picking up the phone from underneath a stack of papers and holding it out in front of her.

"You mean, the first three times?" The doctor raises her eyebrow, while taking the item from the brunette's hand.

The response she received was just a mumble. Maura leaned in for a quick kiss, "love you," she said. Then she gratefully picked up the coffee and left the house for today; leaving the other woman, by herself in the kitchen.

Jane sat down on the floor next to Jo Friday. "How did I become a housewife, Jo?" she said, taking a minute to scratch the little dog behind her ears.

She groaned a little when she pushed herself back up off the floor and took a look in the fridge, trying to decide what to make herself for breakfast. "How about pancakes, Jo?"

Without thinking she tried to pull the milk out with her left hand. But as soon as she lifted it up, it slid through her fingers and on the floor, where the container busted open.

"Damn it!" she yelled in frustration, looking at the white liquid that had gone everywhere.

"Jo, No!" she tried shoeing the dog out of the kitchen. The little mutt was already trying to help her clean up the mess in her own way.

Jane quickly got the roll of paper towels and started dabbing up the wet mess she had made. It took her much longer than she wanted before everything was back to the way it was before. Well, not everything; the milk had splashed everywhere, including all over her clothes. Her socks and pants were soaking wet. She was going to have to get changed again.

And to top it all off, now she didn't have any milk to make herself pancakes either. She really should have stayed in bed this morning.

* * *

Unfortunately nobody was there to drive Jane to PT today. Frankie was supposed to take her, but he got called in to work an extra shift. Her brother was still trying to get a promotion, so he took every opportunity he could to get more experience, and Jane understood. But now she had to call a cab to take her, it wasn't really a big deal, it was just another thing in an already lousy day.

The driver was ten minutes late picking her up, which meant she was ten minutes late for PT. So by the time she finally got started, she was already in a foul mood. And it didn't improve with the slow pace of the actual training. She found her trainer completely incompetent, and she had to bite her tongue not to lash out at her. The woman made her do exercises she could easily do by herself, at home, without anyone looking over her shoulder. Jane was short, snappy and ready to leave before the time was up today.

The cab driver that would take her home wasn't punctual either. And by the time Jane finally got back home she was extremely cranky; pissed was actually a more accurate way to describe her mood.

* * *

Jane was lying down on the living room couch, half watching the game on TV. She was trying to get into a better frame of mind, before Maura would come home from work.

Absentmindedly she was working the stress ball her trainer had given her, to try and help improve the strength of her hand. Her hand was already hurting, it was cramping up, but she kept squeezing the ball anyway.

Her hand really worried her. After Hoyt it had taken a long time for her to regain full function back to her hands. And still they were never really one hundred percent; they ached when the weather was cold or when she was tired. The crescent shaped scars a sick memento of what that bastard had done to her.

And now she had new scars to add to the growing list. Constant visible reminders of what she had experienced, what she had gone through.

Jane slowly got up from the couch and grabbed the cane she still needed for support and walked over to the side table near the front door. It was the place she always kept her badge and gun when she was at Maura's house. She slid open the drawer and looked at the two items inside. Both of them a stark reminders of why she had been injured, tortured, once again.

The brunette pulled out her badge first, taking her time to look at the item. She moved it from side to side, watching the light shine over the surface.

She laid the badge on top of the table and looked at the next item in the drawer, her gun.

Jane flexes her hands, and flinches when a sharp pain shoots through the injured one. She reaches out with her left hand, using her fingers to trace the ridges on the metal. Her eyes trace the length of the gun; she examines the magazine, the grip, the safety, the trigger, the chassis and finally the barrel. She lets her hand rest on the grip for a moment, and slowly bends her fingers around it. She's just about to try and pick it up when she hears a noise at the back door and the voice of her mother.

Jane quickly removes her hand and roughly slides the drawer shut, making the side table shake.

* * *

"There you are," Angela says in her usual cheery voice, walking further into the living room.

"Here I am." Jane's response was snarky. After the incredibly trying day she just had, she was in no mood at all to deal with her mother.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady."

"What do you want, Ma?" the brunette says irritated.

"I wanted to see if you wanted me to make you girls some dinner tonight."

"No thanks," Jane looks at her mother, "was that all?"

Angela gives her daughter an annoyed glare.

"What?" Jane asks.

"You know, I've just about had enough of your attitude, Jane. I know you are upset with me, but I think it's time to get over it. I was just trying to help you out and you know that."

Jane walks back over to the couch and picks up her stress ball and she instantly starts working the thing like there is no tomorrow. It's difficult on days like today to keep her calm and her mother is making it pretty much impossible. Jane is used to being able to work off her frustration in a physical way. Like hitting the dummy in her living room, or taking a few swings in the batting cages; maybe shooting a few rounds at the gun range. Even going for a run helps sometimes, especially when Maura is there with her to get her mind off things. But at the moment none of those things are possible, so the pent up frustration just builds and builds, like a pressure pot, unable to release.

And her anger at her mother's complete ignorance comes to a burst. "I didn't want your help," she raises her voice at Angela. "Why can't you just understand what you did wrong?"

"How _can_ I understand, when you never tell me anything, Jane. I have no idea what's going on with you these days."

Jane huffs, her voice getting louder, "Why would I possibly tell you anything, when all I seem to do is disappoint you anyway. You make that loud and clear every chance you get."

"That's not true." Angela throws out in defense.

"Oh, it isn't? Actions speak louder than words, Ma." Jane takes a step closer to her mother. "Tell me you are not disappointed with my life, with my job. Tell me you wouldn't be thrilled if I left the force. Can you tell me that?"

Angela didn't say anything, she couldn't tell her daughter she didn't wish she had chosen a different path in life; chosen a different career. It wasn't like she wasn't proud of their accomplishments, she just wanted her kids to be safe.

Jane took her mother's silence for admittance. "That's what I thought. And you might actually be getting your wish this time. I might never be a cop again, because some psychopath once again messed with my hand."

At this point Jane's anger was pretty much making her see red. She was furious with her mother for not understanding her fault in interfering with Sam, and the result was her inability to control the next words falling out of her mouth.

"You know what, Ma? Maybe you _are _right, maybe I should tell you '_things_'. So you can really '_understand_' me. Maybe then you will realize the damage and pain your words and meddling have caused me. Maybe I should tell you all about the psychopaths that tortured me over the years. Especially the last one, he was the most interesting of all. He messed with my head the most. Maybe if I give you the '_details'_ of what he did to me, how he tied me up and hurt me, how he manipulated me. Maybe then you will '_get it_'." Jane's voice had become completely sarcastic now, "maybe if I tell you all these things you will learn to '_Leave. Me. Alone'_."

Angela was in complete shock from her daughter's outburst, tears were brimming in her eyes, ready to overflow.

But Jane didn't care about her mother's tears. "I can go into as much detail as you like, it's no problem for me. It's not like I'll ever forget any of-"

"Jane, stop!" Maura's voice seemed to come out of nowhere. Neither of the italian women had heard the front door open, and neither of them had been aware of the woman that had been standing behind them for the last few minutes.

Jane shut her mouth, her jaw clenched together tightly, but she remained standing in front of her mother. She was waiting for Angela to respond, to say something, but her mother stayed completely quiet. Her mother's silence snapped something deep inside of Jane. And without being able to stop herself she threw the stress ball she still had in her hand, hard across the room; where it unfortunately hit a lamp that crashed to the ground in pieces.

Jane turned on her feet and without another look at her mother, she left through the front door.

* * *

Maura was looking at the spot where Jane had just been standing, and to the broken lamp, confused.

The blonde had come home right in the middle of the argument between mother and daughter. She hadn't heard the whole conversation, so she wasn't really sure exactly what had happened between the two women for it to get so out of hand.

But she did know she wanted to go after Jane as soon as possible. She wasn't happy the brunette had just left the house, angry; but she would just have to find her, again.

"I'm sorry Angela, I don't know what just happened here. But I need to go after Jane. I think you should go back to the guest house for now. I will call you later, okay?"

The older italian woman looked up at Maura, still too stunned to speak. It took her a moment to respond, but then she blinked a few times and nodded slightly before turning around to leave through the back door.

* * *

Maura quickly walked over to the front of the house and opened the door, hoping to catch Jane before she was too far gone. But when she tried to step outside she almost fell over the woman, who was sitting on her doorstep.

"You're still here," she said surprised, "I was afraid you'd left."

Jane briefly looked up at Maura and shook her head, unable to verbally respond.

Maura let herself slide next to her on the doorstep, leaning slightly against her shoulder she immediately noticed the woman was shaking.

"Take deep breaths," is all Maura said. She reached out her hand and started to gently rub circular motions on Jane's back, trying to calm her down.

Maura's presence did have a tranquil effect on her, but Jane was still too angry to speak. She wasn't proud of herself for losing it in front of her mother; frankly she was a little embarrassed by it. But Angela had just pushed the wrong buttons after an already very trying day. She was wondering how it was that family could bring out the absolute worst in people sometimes.

After a while Maura could feel that Jane had started to calm down some; her shaking had stopped and her breathing was back down to a more normal level.

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked, trying to make eye contact with Jane.

The brunette just shrugged her shoulders.

…

"You didn't leave," Maura said out of nowhere.

Jane looked sideways, her eyes connecting with the blonde's. She took a deep breath. "I wanted to leave, but then I remembered my promise to you; to never leave in anger again. And even though I am not angry with you, I still felt it applied. I didn't want you to worry."

Maura moved her hand so it was resting on the brunette's cheek, using her thumb to gently caress the skin there. "Thank you," she said. She leaned in to rest her forehead against Jane's.

"I'm sorry about the drama, Maur. I just, …she. I can't talk to her anymore." Jane motioned with her head towards the house, "Is she still inside?"

"No, I told her to go home. And I'll ask her to stay away for now."

"That's not going to last long. I'm going to have to talk to her again, aren't I?" Jane said sadly.

Maura just nodded her head.

...

"Jane? Do you want me to be there next time you talk to her?"

"I don't know if it would make a difference."

"Maybe it will help," Maura said, resting her head on Jane's shoulder.

"Maybe, but not today, okay? I don't think I can deal with anymore tonight."

"Okay."

…

Maura lifted her head up and softly bumped Jane's shoulder with her own. "You want to go back inside?"

"Hmm, not yet. I think I'd just like to stay here for a little while longer, but you can head in if you want."

"If you stay, I stay," Maura said, leaning her head back on the brunette's shoulder.

Jane's response was to wrap her arm tightly around the blonde and plant a kiss on the top of her head. Intent on trying to appreciate the moment together and to let Maura's company continue putting her at ease.

Because she knew that she was going to have to deal with her mother again, probably sooner than later.

* * *

**A/N: So, Angela and Jane. Thoughts?**

**I received very little feedback on the last chapter. Actually I think it was the least amount of reviews ever since I started this story. S'okay. I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Get it? ...Cookies. ;)**

**Anycow... Next chapter we will jump another few weeks ahead again.**

**You know what's next right?**


	32. The Confusing Emotions

**A/N: I wasn't planning on posting another chapter till Monday. But then I thought, you're all so nice, why not do it early. So yea...enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 32

* * *

After their fight a few days ago, Jane had been stubbornly avoiding her mother. It hadn't been too difficult, because Maura had been able to convince Angela to give Jane her space, and to wait until the brunette was ready to come to her.

Jane's outburst had been somewhat of a wake up call for Angela. Seeing her daughter's raw anger and emotions, finally seemed to shake her into understanding the hurt she had caused. It made her realize that even though her intentions had been well intended, it still had caused a lot of pain. The problem now though was that Jane wasn't really open to her apologies anymore. Angela had been lost in her own ignorance for too long, and the damage was done.

It wasn't like Jane didn't plan to deal with her mother again, she would when she was ready. But if she was truthful, it wasn't on the top of her list of concerns, far from it. She had other things on her mind at the moment.

She couldn't shake the feeling that was building inside of her. So she had been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days, she'd been quietly contemplating, pondering, considering options. She had not shared her concerns and thoughts with anyone yet. Not even with Maura; who's worried looks had become an almost constant lately. Jane wasn't leaving the blonde in the dark on purpose, it was just that she couldn't even explain it to herself yet. She just wanted to understand what was bothering her so much and how to resolve it, before sharing her thoughts.

* * *

Today Jane had another sessions with Dr. Liberty, but she was completely distracted. At first she had been trying hard to concentrate and respond to the woman's questions. But after a while she couldn't help her mind from wandering and she tuned out the doctor's voice all together.

It took Jane some time before she realized the room had turned completely quiet. When she looked up, she noticed she was being quietly observed by the woman across the room. "Sorry," she said, giving the doctor her attention again, "what were you saying?"

Dr. Liberty gave her a friendly smile, she crossed her legs and angled her body forward a little, "Jane? What's bothering you today?"

The brunette looked deep in thought, working her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment. "I don't think I can explain it," she finally responded, letting out a sigh.

The doctor motioned for her to try anyway.

"It's just weird," Jane said, rubbing at the scar on her left hand. It was an unconscious gesture that showed her anxiety, but she wasn't even aware of doing it. "I've been on sick leave before, and I've always been anxious to get back to work. But not this time, and I don't know why."

…

"You don't want to go back to work?" Dr. Liberty asked when nothing else was forthcoming.

The brunette ran a hand through her hair, feeling uncomfortable. She couldn't really give Dr. Liberty an honest answer, because she didn't know what that answer was yet. And she didn't know exactly how to explain what she was feeling at the moment either; mostly she was just very confused.

"You know what I've been doing every day for the past week?" Jane finally asked the rhetorical question. She was trying to find a way to explain what was going on in her head. "Whenever I have a moment alone, I walk to the table near the front door. It's where I keep my gun and badge," she adds to clarify herself. "I don't take them out; not anymore. I just open the drawer and look at them, laying there, side by side. I can't explain _why_ I do it, I just can't stop doing it. Something pulls me towards them every time." She looks up at the doctor, a sad smile playing on her lips, "it sounds crazy right?"

Dr. Liberty softly shakes her head. "No, Jane, that's not crazy at all. You've been through a lot; not just these past few months, but even before that. Everything that has happened to you can be traced back to one common denominator; your job. And your gun and badge are the physical representation of that job."

Jane rubs her forehead with her hand, "I love my job," she says, not sure why she feels the need to defend herself.

"Do you?" Dr. Liberty asks, trying to get the brunette to share more.

Jane looks at the doctor, surprised, then takes a deep breath. "I do. …It's just…I guess I just don't know if it's worth it anymore…the pain, the nightmares, everything," she finally says. She looks away for a moment, a little shocked at her own admission, before she continues.

"I almost lost myself this time. Heck, I am _still_ trying to put the pieces back together. I'm not the same person as I was before, and I might never be that person again. What happens next time? I don't know if I can do this again, I don't _want_ to do this again." Jane swallowed harshly, saying the words out loud were painful.

Dr. Liberty gives Jane a moment to compose herself before she responds, "Your sense of self is very much intertwined with your job. You identify yourself heavily with being a detective. In one of our first sessions you told me that '_it's who you are_'. So you need to take the time to really consider what your life would be like without it, and if that is something you want."

Jane looked up at the doctor questioningly, "I've been _trying_ to figure it out. But I just don't know what to do."

"Have you talked it over with Maura yet?"

The brunette sadly shook her head, "I don't think she would understand. I think she would be so disappointed in me."

"She might surprise you. But even if she doesn't understand. You have to do what's best for you. This is a decision only you can make." Dr. Liberty gave her a reassuring nod, "When the time comes, you will know what to decide."

* * *

Today was one of the rare days Maura had been unable to take Jane to therapy. So when the brunette left Dr. Liberty's office, she was on her own for a while. She decided that maybe a change of scenery would do her good, so she took a cab downtown to BPD; hoping that the familiar surroundings would clarify matters for her.

At least it had seemed like a good idea. Take a cab, go inside, talk to the guys for a bit, and then see Maura, if possible.

It had been over two months since she last set foot inside the precinct. But now she was here, she felt reluctant to take the next step. It wasn't like she was scared to go in, not really anyway, it just gave her an odd feeling.

'_Okay, just get over yourself already_', she thought, trying to encourage herself to walk up the steps to the building.

Eventually she did move forward and headed up the stairs and inside. She didn't have her badge with her, but thankfully she knew the officer on duty and he let her in with no hassle.

Walking through the hallways of the precinct was familiar and strange at the same time. It made her feel a little uncomfortable, unsettled.

When she stepped inside the elevator, it took her a moment to decide; bullpen or morgue? Her mind finally made up she pushed the down button.

Several of the lab technicians greeted her while she was making her way to Maura's office. She was hoping the doctor would be there, and not in the middle of an autopsy.

Thankfully the lights in the office were on and she could hear Maura's voice, she sounded like she was on the phone. The door was half open and Jane peeked inside, making sure the doctor was indeed alone.

Maura was sitting in her chair, behind her desk, but she was facing away from the door and she hadn't spotted the brunette yet. Jane leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed and waited. She wasn't really listening to the conversation, she was just quietly observing the blonde. Maura at work always was a sight she enjoyed immensely.

It didn't take long for Maura to notice the presence of Jane in the room. Her face instantly brightened in surprise and a big smile appeared on her face. They locked eyes across the room and the doctor almost forgot she was still talking to someone on the phone. She quickly but politely wrapped up the conversation, before getting up and greeting the woman standing in her office.

Neither of them were big on public displays of affection at work, but since they were in the relative privacy of Maura's office they made an exception. Jane wrapped the doctor in her arms and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "Hey", she said.

"Hey yourself," Maura responded, taking a moment to enjoy the sweet embrace. "This is a nice surprise."

"Are you busy at the moment?" Jane asked, pulling her head back slightly so she could look into the doctor's hazel eyes.

"Not right now, I'm just waiting for some test results so I can take them upstairs. You want to sit down?" Maura motioned to the couch in the room.

Jane pulled a face, but decided to forego her usual commentary on the uncomfortable office furniture and take the offered seat.

Maura sat next to her and grabbed a hold of her hand, intertwining their fingers. It was a familiar gesture, one that provided comfort for both of them.

"How was your session with Dr. Liberty?" she asked, hoping that Jane would want to share. She had been worried about the brunette the past week or so. Jane had been doing so well for a while, but lately it was like she had started to withdraw somewhat. It wasn't really obvious, but it was there. She had of course asked Jane if there was something bothering her, but the answer was usually a smile and an apologetic 'I don't know'. Which was just strange enough to be the actual truth.

"It was okay, it gave me a few things to think about." Jane lifted Maura's hand to her lips and placed a soft kiss on the knuckles.

Maura wanted to ask more, but they were interrupted when one of the technicians knocked on the door. "Dr. Isles," the young man stood at the entrance of the office a little unsure if he should interrupt, "I got the test results you've been waiting for."

The doctor got up and took the offered file before dismissing the technician. She briefly read the documents and then looked at Jane apologetically, "I'm sorry, Jane. I have to go bring this up, they've been waiting for these results. Were you planning to go up and see the guys?"

Jane's face briefly fell, before she corrected her expression back to normal. It was only for a split second, but Maura had noticed. "If you want to wait, I shouldn't be too long," she asked Jane, looking at her with concern.

"No, that's okay. I was actually going to head to my apartment for a bit. I haven't been there in a while and I want to make sure it's still intact." she joked, giving Maura a smile.

"Jane, please wait. Maybe we can grab some lunch together."

But before the other woman got a chance to answer, there was a knock on the door; another technician that needed a moment of the doctor's time.

Jane got up from the couch and took her cane in her hand, "you're needed Maur. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

Maura wanted her to wait, but when another person joined them in the office and the phone rang on top of that she knew now was not the time. 'Sorry' she mouthed at Jane, who just smiled back before disappearing into the hallway.

* * *

Jane did go to her apartment after her visit with Maura. When she opened the door, she could tell she hadn't been there in a while; a few weeks at least. The place was stuffy and dusty. So the first thing she did was open the windows, to let in some fresh air.

She looked outside for a bit at the familiar neighborhood. She had lived here for quite a few years now, and even though it was a '_crappy little apartment_', she enjoyed it. It was home. But now so was Maura's. And in a way she had no real desire to ever move back into her own place.

Jane moved away from the window and looked around the room, after a while her eyes rested on a few items on one of the shelves gracing her walls. She walked closer to them and picked one up. It was one of the sharp shooters trophies she had won over the years. Being a crack shot is something she took a lot of pride in, her accuracy was uncanny. That year she had made 14/15 shots perfectly. She had beat out all the other contestants, and she smiled at the memory.

The next item she looked at was her degree from the police academy. Her graduation; that had been a very proud day. A goal achieved, a milestone reached. She still remembers it fondly as one of the happiest moments in her life. That and the day she got promoted to the homicide unit.

She wondered briefly _if_ she could have known from the start, all the things she knows now; all the things that she had to endure. Would she still have wanted to become a cop; would she still have gone to the academy? Or would she have chosen a totally different career path?

She had actually been a pretty decent pianist at some point. The thought of that made her eyes drift to her hands again; her hands, forever marred by scars. She hadn't been able to play in a long time; a joy that had been taken from her.

Jane put the items back where they came from and decided to lie down on her bed for a while; she was feeling a little weary. Even though she had come a long way in her recovery, she still tired easily on some days. And therapy always seemed to be particularly draining for her; that, together with her visit to Maura was enough to deplete her energy.

So she lowered herself down on top of the blankets, enjoying the breeze flowing into the room through the open window. Thinking what her life would really be like if she was no longer a homicide detective.

It didn't take long for Jane to doze off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Now, say goodbye to Dr. Liberty, because this is the last time you'll read about her. And uh...****Jane without her job? Hard to imagine right? Oh, and I didn't forget about Angela; Mama Rizzoli will be back.**

**Sorry, I haven't gotten the chance to respond with thank you's to all the reviews like I usually do. Forgive me? ;) Hopefully this extra chapter makes up for it. **

**5 more chapters to go and it's over y'all. **

**And to butcher one of Patrick Henry's famous quotes: "Give me cookies, or give me death." ;))**


	33. The Sleepless Night

Chapter 33

* * *

Jane woke up feeling a little groggy, because she had slept longer than she had planned. Her window was still open and it was already dark outside. When she pushed herself up into a seating position a blanket fell off her body. She couldn't remember grabbing a blanket before she laid down, so someone must have come in and put it over her; '_Maura_'.

She put her legs over the edge of the bed and let her feet rest on the floor. She rubbed her eyes with her hands and combed her fingers through her somewhat tangled hair.

Carefully she tested the strength of her leg, before standing up. It felt strong and secure at the moment so she forewent the use of her cane.

When she opened her bedroom door, she could hear the sounds of dinner being made and soft music playing in the background.

She quietly walked over to the kitchen, spotting a beautiful blonde woman currently trying to reach into the upper cupboard to pull something out. She was on the tips of her toes and her shirt had moved up just enough to show a small sliver of skin.

Jane couldn't resist reaching out and putting both hands around the woman's waist and tracing the exposed skin with her fingertips. Maura briefly jumped at the contact, before she recognized the person behind the caress.

The brunette nuzzled the base of Maura's neck and took a deep breath; taking in the scent of the woman in her arms.

Maura turned around in Jane's arms, "did I wake you?" she asked leaning into the embrace.

Jane shook her head, stifling a yawn. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep. How did you know I was still here?"

"I tried to call you, but when I got no answer I called your mother. She said she hadn't heard you come home yet. And since you looked tired earlier, I figured you might have fallen asleep here."

"Ah yes, a _logical_ conclusion, doctor," Jane said in playful jest before yawning again.

"Are you still tired?" Maura said, concern lacing her voice.

"I'm fine, just slept too long." Jane pulled away from the hug, she reached out her arm, grabbed the item the blonde had been reaching for earlier and put it on the counter behind them.

Maura was still standing in the same spot, staring at her.

Jane noticed, but decided to ignore it, "how was the rest of your day?" she tried to redirect the conversation.

The doctor narrowed her eyes, but when she couldn't detect anything physically wrong with Jane, she finally answered and related the details of her busy day.

They ate their dinner, then decided to head back to Maura's house; where they spend the rest of the evening watching some TV until it was time to go to bed.

* * *

Since Maura's day had been very draining, she fell asleep within minutes of putting her head down on her pillow.

Jane however was having a little more difficulty falling asleep that night. Partly because she had slept too long in the afternoon and partly because of her own over-active mind.

The brunette quietly slipped out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water, drinking it while leaning against the counter. She was replaying the conversation she'd had with Dr. Liberty that day in her mind. Especially the part about how all her pain could be traced back to her job. She finished her glass of water, rinsed it out and put it away.

Jane took the few steps it took to get to the table near the front door, opened the drawer and looked inside. She was doing the same thing she had told Dr. Liberty about. Her own doubts drawing her towards these items. These two things that pretty much defined who she was, how she thought, acted, lived her life. The '_physical representation_', like Dr. Liberty had called them.

For some reason, looking at them made her scars ache. She was thinking about how ironic it was, that the majority of her injuries were in some way self inflicted. Like the gunshot to her abdomen, she had pulled the trigger herself. She had her reasons for doing so, but still. With Hoyt, she had gone out on her own, without backup, and he had managed to capture her. She'd done the same stupid thing with Roy, and that bastard had actually shot her with her own gun. Her confusion was starting to get the better of her and it made her question her own abilities; thinking that maybe she wasn't cut out for this job at all.

While staring at the items in the drawer, she hadn't noticed the person that had come up behind her.

"Jane?" Maura's tired voice was close, "what are you doing?"

Jane pushed the drawer shut and quietly chastised herself for not paying more attention to her surroundings. "Nothing, I just got some water, I couldn't sleep." she said before turning around, her facial expression completely neutral.

Maura crossed her arms and tilted her head, an expression Jane knew meant she wasn't fooled.

"Let's go back to bed," Jane said trying to brush by the blonde on the way to their bedroom, but a hand grabbing her arm held her back.

"Tell me what's bothering you." Maura pleaded, "I know you're trying to hide it, but you've been distracted and distant all week."

"The middle of the night is not the time for this conversation, Maura." Jane gently pulled her arm from the blonde's grasp and continued down the hall. When she got to their room however she noticed that Maura had not been following her. So she turned around and went back to the living room, where she saw the doctor standing in the same spot Jane had just been standing herself. With the only difference being that Maura had actually pulled her gun and badge out of the drawer and was now holding them in her hands.

"You should put those back," Jane said, her voice not entirely neutral or friendly.

"Why are you standing here in the middle of the night looking at your gun, Jane?"

The brunette didn't answer, she turned away and walked to the kitchen. She poured herself another glass of water, just to have something to do with her hands.

Maura had followed her into the kitchen. She had taken both the gun and badge with her and put them on the kitchen counter in front of her. "What's going on?"

The brunette did not want to talk about this, not right now. She had barely been able to explain it to Dr. Liberty today, she was still trying to make sense of everything in her own head.

"Nothing is going on. And I want you to put those back where they came from," she said pointing at the items in front of her, taking a step back.

Maura was completely confused, it was an odd thing to wake up in the middle of the night and find your loved one standing in the dark looking at her gun. It wasn't like she thought Jane would do anything stupid with it, she knew the woman better than that. But it was strange just the same, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. She had noticed the step backwards Jane had taken; like she was frightened in some way.

Maura slowly took a few steps forwards until she was standing right in front of her, "what are you scared of, Jane?"

The brunette's eyes shot up, "I am not scared," she said defensively.

Maura held up her hands to calm Jane down. "It's okay if you are."

"I'm not, this has nothing to do with fear."

"Then what is this about?"

Jane leaned back against the counter, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. '_I guess the middle of the night is the time to have this conversation_', she thought frustrated.

She took a deep breath, "I wasn't trying to hide anything from you, I just wanted some time to think things through." Jane put both of her hands on the counter behind her, gripping the edge hard, as if to get a firm hold on her own emotions.

...

"Think about what?" Maura's voice was gentle, trying to urge her to continue.

'_Like a bandaid_' Jane though, '_just say it_'. …"I think I want to quit my job," finally tumbled out of her mouth, she was nervously looking at Maura for her reaction.

…

For a moment, the blonde looked like a fish out of water. Her mouth had fallen open slightly, but no sound was forthcoming.

…

"Maur? Say something, please."

Maura finally snapped out of the state she was in and closed her mouth. She stared at the badge and gun still laying next to them on the counter.

"Jane, I understand that you're not ready to go back to work. Maybe just give yourself more time to heal. You shouldn't make any rash decisions like this because you are scared or - "

"This is not about fear!" Jane interrupted harshly.

"It's not?" Maura answered, she took the gun from the counter and tried to give it to Jane. But the brunette's reflex response was to immediately pull her hand further away and behind her. "You _are_ scared and you are still avoiding, Jane. And that's okay, just give it time."

"I'm not _scared_, I'm fine." Jane said, holding out her hand, "I'll prove it to you, give it to me."

"You don't have to do this," Maura said, "it's okay if you're not ready."

The brunette was still standing there, with her hand outstretched, her face a defiant mask.

Maura finally did what was requested and gently placed the gun in Jane's left hand, who took a firm grip around the handle and held it for just a moment. Jane was holding on to the grip so tightly, her knuckles had turned white. She could feel her hand starting to cramp up and when it started to shake as well, she tried to hide it. She quickly grabbed her badge in her other hand and walked over to the table near the front door, she dropped both items inside and shut the drawer roughly. Without another word she headed towards the bedroom, slipped into bed and closed her eyes.

It wasn't long before she felt a dip in the bed behind her, followed by two arms wrapping around her. She briefly tensed up at the contact, but the blonde did not let her go.

Jane didn't want to talk about this anymore, not tonight and she hoped Maura would understand and let it go; of course she knew she had no such luck. So when she could feel a hand pulling on her shoulder a little to turn over, she complied, letting herself be guided onto her back.

"Jane," Maura whispered, "being a detective, it's a big part of who you are. And I'm just afraid that if you quit your job because you are scared, you will lose a part of yourself you might never get back."

Jane sighed deeply, looking up in the hazel eyes right above her face. "It's not just that I'm scared, Maur. I don't know if I can still do my job, the way I should. I don't know if I still love the job enough to balance it with the pain it has caused me. I just don't know if it's worth it anymore."

Maura stayed quiet, contemplating the best way to respond. She understood where Jane was coming from, she was just scared what it would do to her if she really quit. Jane always loved her job, it really defined her as a person. Just the thought of her not being a detective anymore was impossible to fathom. Maura really was afraid that Jane would lose who she essentially was as a person if she quit her job, especially if it was for the wrong reasons.

"I will love and support you no matter what you decide to do. But promise me you will give it some more thought. Don't just decide this overnight. Please promise me, Jane?"

"Okay, …I promise," came the sincere but quiet response.

Maura, not feeling appeased at all, wrapped herself tightly around Jane's thin frame, putting her head down on her shoulder. She willed herself to go back to sleep, but it seemed impossible.

Neither woman got the rest they needed during the remainder of the night.

* * *

**A/N: So, did Maura's response surprise you? What's poor Jane to do. Let me know your thoughts.**

**I still didn't have the chance to respond to every review like usual; I've been a little out of it all weekend. Anycow!**

**Three more chapters to go, plus maybe an epilogue. But I'm considering writing another RandI story, if I can come up with something interesting that is.**

**To butcher another famous quote (Matthew Henry this time) : After a chapter comes a cookie. ;) No?**


	34. The Gut Instinct

Chapter 34

* * *

It had been a little over a week since Jane told Maura about her plans to quit her job.

Maura could see Jane was confused. She could tell the brunette was scared and unsure. Yet every conversation so far they had about the subject didn't seem to make a difference in Jane's thinking. And Maura had tried to reason with her, several times. The only positive thing was that since Jane wasn't completely fit to be back on duty anyway, she had agreed to hold off on making any final decisions until the time came.

* * *

Today had been an interesting day. Internal Affairs had concluded their investigation of events and Jane was finally called in to speak with her boss. She already knew the possible outcome of that conversation, but it still didn't make it any easier.

Her meeting with Cavanaugh only took about fifteen minutes and the result was as she had expected; two weeks of unpaid suspension.

She had taken her badge and gun with her that morning, knowing she would have to turn them in. It didn't bother her as much to hand them over as she thought it would, yet it still stung a little.

She could have waited to take the suspension until after her medical leave, but figured it was best to combine the two and get it over with now. It really didn't matter.

Jane had briefly spoken to Korsak and Frost in the bullpen. The guys had been happy to see her again. They had of course stayed in contact over the last few months, but it wasn't the same as actually seeing them at work. Jane couldn't help that her eyes kept drifting over to her desk, it was strange seeing it so empty.

She hadn't mentioned a word about her consideration of leaving the force with anyone other than Dr. Liberty and Maura yet, so she had to keep avoiding the questions of when she was going to return to work.

When the guys were called away to track down a lead, it left Jane by herself feeling unsettled.

She decided to briefly say goodbye to Maura, before leaving the precinct.

* * *

Maura was actually in the middle of an autopsy when she arrived in the morgue.

Jane knocked on the door before slipping inside.

The doctor smiled at her and stopped what she was doing, "how'd it go with Cavanaugh?" she asked.

"As expected, two weeks suspension. I decided to take them right now." Jane was rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

"Did you want to wait around for a bit? I should be done here in about an hour. We can grab some lunch if you want." Maura said, looking hopeful. She had missed her daily lunch breaks with Jane at work. And she was sad thinking they might be a thing of the past if the brunette decided to leave her job.

Jane glanced over at the clock. "Yea, sure. Do you want to go to that place across the street? The one with those salads, with the yellow spiky things in it that you like?"

"It's Kiwano Melon. And yes, that sounds good. You can wait in my office if you want."

"As... '_comfortable_' as that would be," Jane said sarcastically with a smile, "I actually wanted to run a few errands. My phone's been doing something weird and I want them to take a look at it. How about I'll meet you there in an hour, okay?"

"You're going to the phone store?" Maura asked, lifting a delicate eyebrow.

"I am," a smirk was playing on Jane's lips. "Why, you don't believe me, _doctor_?"

Maura playfully tilted her head, "I'm not sure. This wouldn't have anything to do with that new bakery that opened up right around the corner, would it?"

Jane laughed. "May-be. But I do actually have to get my phone fixed. However I may or may not stop at a certain place on the way back." she winked at Maura, said goodbye, turned around and left the morgue.

The doctor was staring at the door for several long moments after the brunette had left, suddenly an uncomfortable feeling pulling at her gut. She actually had to suppress the desire to run after Jane. But she shook it off; Maura Isles did not listen to her intestines. She was just being silly, she would see Jane again in less than an hour.

* * *

When Jane got out of the elevator, she almost bumped into her brother, Frankie, who was quickly making his way across the hallway.

"Take it easy there, speedy," she said playfully.

"Sorry, Jane. I promised Ma I would drop this off with her, but I'm already late for my shift." He looked at his sister hopeful, "hey, maybe you can do it?"

Jane looked down at the bag her brother was holding in front of her, "fine," she finally said, "I'll take it to her."

"You're the best, sis. I owe you one." Frankie quickly turned around and almost ran out of the building.

She stood there for a moment, with the bag in hand. She hadn't really spoken to her mother much lately, Angela was still giving her space.

Jane had been thinking lately about letting her mother slowly back into her life. She knew she couldn't punish the woman forever; that was not how Jane dealt with family. Even when that family was a meddling, nosy, busy body like Angela.

She knew her mother was really sorry. Her finally giving Jane the space she asked for, was proof of that.

Taking in a deep breath, she stepped around the corner and into the division one cafe, where Angela was busy with some customers.

She patiently waited until her mother was done, before approaching the counter. When Angela noticed her daughter, her face instantly brightened. "Jane," she said surprised.

"Hey Ma. Frankie was in a hurry, so he asked me to drop these off." Jane handed the bag over to her mother, who took it out of her hand.

…

They both stood there awkwardly for a few moments.

Jane knew she would have to be the one to break the ice, make the first step, since Angela had promised to keep her distance and let her daughter come to her.

"So," she finally said, "I was thinking, maybe…Sunday night... we can do dinner with the family again?"

Angela's face shot up, her eyes shining happily. "Really?"

"Yes, Ma. Really. I'm not saying I'm over everything, but…we'll do dinner, and then we'll talk, okay?" Jane nodded at her mother reassuringly.

The brunette had taken a first step, and she felt good about that. But she didn't stay long with her mother after that, she still had some errands to run after all.

* * *

Since it was a nice day today and Jane's leg was feeling fairly good, she decided to walk the few blocks it would take to get to her destination. A few days ago she had decided to stop using her cane, her muscles had strengthened enough to bear her full weight now. She was recovering steadily. It would really only be a few more weeks before she would be back to full strength. Three months is what Dr. Clint had originally said, and he'd been pretty accurate with that estimate.

Jane still wasn't sure what she should do about her job situation. She was internally battling with two very strong emotions. Although she was starting to lean towards one in particular.

She took her time getting to the phone store. It was still a little chilly outside, but it was clear and sunny today. She hadn't really been outside too much lately, not with her inability to move around properly, so she was really enjoying the walk. It was lifting her spirits.

When she arrived at her destination, she hoped it wouldn't be too busy, she really din't feel like standing in line forever. So she was happy to see the store mostly empty. A young man came up to help her and within minutes she was able to leave with her phone fixed. With her mood improved even more, she stepped back outside into the fresh Boston air; taking in a couple of deep breaths.

Jane decided to buy herself some sort of pastry at the bakery for her walk back; it would hold her over till lunch. With the still warm treat in her hand she started the journey back to where she was supposed to meet Maura.

Deep in thought she steadily made her way down the street. She wasn't really paying too much attention to her surroundings, until she heard some yelling and screaming coming from a store she had just passed.

Her head whipped around to the sounds behind her. What she saw made her hand instantly and automatically reach for her gun, but it wasn't there.

It only took her a split second to decide; gun or not, her cop instinct was triggered and she ran towards the commotion.

* * *

It was a little less than an hour when Maura finished up with the autopsy. She washed her hands, changed out of her scrubs and into her regular clothes. She was happy Jane had agreed to meet for lunch today, and she really did like that dainty little bistro across the street where they were supposed to meet.

The doctor just had one more quick stop to make before she could go. She wanted to be able to take a little extra time on her lunch break, so she just had to drop off the autopsy report upstairs.

She got on the elevator and pushed the button to reach the bullpen.

When she got upstairs she looked around for Detective Korsak, who was bent over his desk, looking intently at some documents.

"Detective Korsak? I've got the autopsy results you've been waiting for," she said laying the file on his desk.

The older detective looked up from his paper work, "oh, yes. We were waiting for those. Anything new?"

Maura shook her head. "No, unfortunately not. But I am still waiting for some lab results to come back. Hopefully they will provide some more information."

The doctor was about to leave when Korsak words stopped her. "Hey doc, how's Jane doing? I only got to talk to her for a minute before we got called away, and she seemed a little distracted."

Maura looked around the room, making sure nobody else was listening in on their conversation. She didn't know how much she should share, so she opted for what was safe. "Her leg and hand are recovering on schedule. She should be back to full health within a few weeks."

The older detective looked at the doctor, nodding his head, "and the rest?" he asked.

"She's…" Maura paused, she couldn't lie, but she couldn't really tell Korsak everything either. It wasn't her place. Just when she was about to tell the detective to maybe give Jane a call or visit to ask her himself, they were interrupted when Frost came running inside.

"There's a robbery in progress just down the street, we got reports of hostages taken and shots fired." he said, almost out of breath.

"Where?" Maura asked, her anxiety level rising, the uncomfortable feeling in her gut she'd had earlier returning in full force.

"It's one block away, right near that bakery we all love so much." Frost, grabbed his jacket, before Korsak and him rushed out the door, Maura right on their heels.

And all she could think about while they were on their way to the crime scene was '_oh_,_ Jane. Please be okay_', because she just knew the brunette was going to be involved in some way.

* * *

**A/N: Small cliff hanger. That's cool right?**

**Thoughts?**


	35. The Need To Help

Chapter 35

* * *

Jane had run towards the commotion without really knowing what she was getting herself into. Just completely acting on instinct.

Everyone else in the vicinity of the store was running the other way; away from the danger. But she was trained as a cop to head right towards it, to try and provide help.

When she stepped inside the door, she heard the shot before she saw the gun, and the man behind the register dropped to his knees, grabbing at his chest.

When the gun went off, Jane had taken cover near the counter. She looked around, but when she didn't see the gunman anywhere, she crawled towards the injured man on the floor, who was bleeding heavily from a wound to his chest. He looked at her, breathing shallow, fear evident in his eyes. Jane put her hands over his chest, applying pressure to the wound, but feeling his life seeping away, warm and sticky, beneath her fingers. She knew he was beyond help; she'd been around long enough to know what a fatal injury to the chest looked like. But she kept her hands on the man's chest anyway, and she held eye contact with him until he slipped away.

"You," she suddenly heard coming from behind her. The perp was yelling at Jane, "get up! Now!"

The detective held up her arms; feeling slightly nauseous when she noticed the blood dripping down and coating her hands. She had to fight the urge to wipe them clean immediately, knowing any sudden movement might set this guy off.

"Now!" he yelled again, impatiently shoving her with his foot.

Jane slowly got up from the floor and turned around, coming face to face with the killer.

"Over there," he growled at her, pointing his gun, wanting her to move towards the back of the store where a few other people were huddled together as well.

Jane slowly moved backwards in the way he was directing her to go. Her arms were still held in front of her in a defensive posture, but she avoided looking at her hands again, knowing the kind of images they could bring to the surface.

When she finally joined the rest of the group, and the gunman wasn't directly looking at her; she quickly rubbed her hands on her shirt, in a futile attempt to clean them off.

She could hear the sound of multiple sirens coming closer, and she knew exactly what was currently happening outside. But in here, the situation was unsure. She had to find a way to keep these people safe and take the perp down.

* * *

The car came to a screeching halt. Korsak, Frost and Maura quickly got out and took cover near one of the squad cars lined up on the street.

"What have we got?" Korsak asked one of the uniforms on duty.

"Looks like a robbery gone wrong," the response came, "one suspect, armed and dangerous. Shots were fired. Several hostages inside."

"S.W.A.T. on the way?" the older detective looked at the store front. The building had large windows and they should be able to see what was going inside. Snipers would be on the roof soon. When he returned his gaze towards the uniformed officer, the man finally answered his question, "E.T.A.'s three minutes."

Frost had been looking through the store windows with one of the binoculars. He suddenly lowered them, his face taking on an expression of fearful shock.

"What is it, Frost? You look like you just saw a ghost." Korsak eyed the younger detective in concern.

Frost looked at the older detective, then at Maura, who shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes that threatened to fall down her face. She didn't know how, but she already knew what he was going to tell them next.

"It's Jane," he finally said, "she's inside."

"What? How? Why is she there? Is she okay?" Korsak asked his voice full of concern.

"I don't know." Frost responded.

"What do you mean, you don't know," Korsak reached for the binoculars himself, going a little pale with what he saw. Jane, walking slowly, moving towards the back of the store. He blinked, looking closer...'_blood, there was blood on her'_.

Maura tried to snag the item from the older detective's hands, wanting to take a look herself. But firm hands kept it away from her.

"She's alive, Maura. You do not need to see anything else." Korsak's voice was firm.

* * *

Inside the store the mood was grim. The robber was agitated, pacing from side to side. Jane could tell he was quickly losing control over the situation. He looked panicked and scared; which she knew was a dangerous combination, it might make him act on impulse.

She knew that she needed to act; do something, somehow, and quickly, before things got even worse.

The brunette considered her options, her eyes carefully checking the layout of the store. S.W.A.T. would be setting up outside, and most likely a sniper would be deployed to try and take the perp out; however it would be all but impossible to take the shot with this many people around him.

Jane wondered if she could try and talk him down herself; he didn't look like a hardened criminal. If that didn't work, her only other option would be to catch him unaware and take him out, before he got it in his head to use a human shield to get out of this situation.

"What are you going to do with us?" One of the other people suddenly asked.

"Shut up!" the robber growled, dangerously pointing his gun at the man that had opened his mouth.

'_Okay_', Jane thought, '_talking him down is going to be difficult_'.

The perp was starting to get more restless by the minute, he was sweating profusely.

Jane knew she was running out of time, when all of a sudden they could hear someone talking through a megaphone outside.

The sound seemed to momentarily catch the robber off guard; he briefly turned, and took a step away from them. Jane quickly seized the moment, knowing this was probably her only chance to stop him; she rushed forward and barreled into the man. The motion launching both of them hard into the wall.

The robber was still holding the gun and Jane was struggling to get it away from him. Her experience against his strength; they both fought to get the upper hand. It seemed to go on forever, until suddenly with a loud bang, the gun went off. It sent both of them tumbling to the ground; Jane on her back, the man falling on top of her.

Neither of them moving.

* * *

Soon as the shot rang out. S.W.A.T. responded, with guns raised they headed to the store. They had witnessed everything going on inside, and so had Korsak and Frost. They had seen Jane rush forward and tackle the robber, they had seen the struggle and they had heard the gun go off, before both of them fell to the ground.

It was one of those moments, when time seemed to slow down. That split second when you are unable to move forward. Everything around you moving in slow motion.

* * *

Out of the three of them, it was actually Maura that moved first, running across the street and into the store. Fighting her way inside. Bypassing all the other people until her eyes landed on dark brown curls. One of the S.W.A.T. members had just moved the robber's lifeless body off of the detective's.

Maura quickly slid down on her knees next to Jane, putting a hand on her neck, feeling for a pulse. She looked down at the brunette's body; there was so much blood. On her hands, her arms, her shirt. It was everywhere, but she couldn't tell where it was coming from.

"Jane," she cried, gently shaking the woman who's eyes were still closed. Her hands lifted up the detective's shirt, looking for an entrance wound, but to her surprise there was none to be found. Maura moved her hands quickly over Jane's bare skin, feeling for what her eyes couldn't yet believe. How was there so much blood, and no wound?

She put her hands back on Jane's face, leaning in closer. Relieved when she could feel the detective's breath wash over her face. "Jane," she softly pleaded. Maura leaned in and gently kissed the woman's lips, just a whisper of a touch. She pulled back and intently looked down at Jane, her hands still cradling her face. Suddenly eyelids fluttered open and dark brown eyes revealed themselves.

"Mau…ra?" the detective groaned, confused. She briefly closed her eyes again; then suddenly shot up. Frantically touching her own body, checking herself for injuries. But there were none. Jane tried to get up, but firm hands pushed down on her shoulders.

"Slow down," Maura urged, "you were unconscious." the doctor's fingers quickly moved over Jane's skull, looking for a bump, or cut, but again, there was none to be found.

"I'm okay, Maur. I'm not hurt." Jane slowly got to her feet, staggering a little, feeling woozy. "I think his weight, falling on top of me, just knocked me out."

"I want you to get checked out just the same." Maura's tone left no room for argument so Jane just nodded. All the adrenaline was leaving her body and she was starting to have a hard time holding herself up. Maura helped her put an arm over her shoulder for support and they made their way outside; where they were greeted by Korsak and Frost. Both men looked at her blood covered clothes and hands in concern. "I'm okay," Jane said, "it's not mine."

Soon two E.M.T.'s quickly rushed in and led her to the ambulance, taking her to the hospital; where they did a quick but thorough assessment of her.

After checking her over, taking her vitals, running several tests, and asking her numerous questions, they agreed that she was indeed okay and could be released soon.

Maura had been with her the whole time, not willing to let go of her hand. But she had been quiet, her face an unreadable mask devoid of any emotion. However Jane knew what was going through the doctor's head, because it was the exact same thing that was going through her own. _'Once again, she could have been killed.'_

While they had been waiting for some test results she had cleaned herself up. Not wanting the constant reminder of another's blood on her skin and clothing. The nurse had given her a pair of scrubs to change into, so she looked almost normal again; like herself.

With the all clear from the hospital and discharge papers in hand, all Jane wanted to do now was go home.

* * *

The drive back to Maura's was spent in silence as well. The blonde was paying careful attention to the road, but one of her hands was still holding a firm grip on one of Jane's. Anchoring them both.

It wasn't until they walked inside the house that the stony facade of the doctor broke, and before she knew it, violent sobs wrecked her small body. And all Jane could do was hold onto her, and tell her she was 'here' and 'okay'. When Maura's cries lessened, Jane started to lead them slowly towards their bedroom.

She sat down on the bed, and with a nod, gave Maura the permission to do what she knew the woman would want to do.

Maura, quickly, but gently took Jane's clothes off and traced her body with her hands and eyes. Checking every inch of skin for injuries. When she was done with her inspection she took her own clothes off as well, and laid herself on top of Jane on the bed. As much of their skin touching as was humanly possible. It had little to do with sexual intimacy, but it had everything to do with the need for physical reassurance that Jane was right there, that she was okay. And Jane understood, she knew this was how the doctor dealt because her life had been in peril, this was how she processed and calmed herself.

Finally Maura took in a deep breath, slowly letting it out, she rested her head on top of Jane's chest, listening to the heart beat below her. Neither of them was willing to move from their current position, and with the events of the day, they were exhausted, so it didn't take long before both of them drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: I figured y'all waited long enough for this update. I hope it was worth it.**

**You didn't actually think I would hurt Jane again, did you? Okay, I considered it for like 5 seconds. I just felt she just needed something to shift her into gear, so she could make up her mind about her future. I will leave her decision till next chapter though.**

**Unfortunately life threatening situations is a way of life for cops, however that doesn't always mean they get hurt.**

**Cookies? ;)**


	36. The Decision

**A/N: This is it, the very last chapter. A little bit of sexy times, somewhere in the middle. Not graphic though.**

* * *

Chapter 36

* * *

The day after Jane's ordeal was kind of a strange one.

Maura had gotten up earlier than normal that morning; she had run through her routine quietly, not wanting to wake Jane up yet.

She just wanted some time alone, to process, and to think. Maura knew about the kind of dangers they were faced with every day, especially Jane. However knowing of the risks of the job, didn't make it any easier when something did happen. Yet Maura kept a level head, knowing that what had occurred a few months ago and what had occurred yesterday were not the norm; they were the exception. An odd set of circumstances had brought Jane into a life threatening situation, not once, but twice in the course of only three months time. However this still wasn't what worried Maura. What worried her was that yesterday could be another confirmation for Jane to give up on her career, to give up on part of herself; her passion. And as odd as it might seem to an outsider, having Jane lose such a big part of herself, scared her more than anything else.

However, Maura also knew, that whatever Jane's decision would end up being, she would support it completely.

Yes, it would be an adjustment, but it wouldn't change 'them', or the love they have for each other. They would figure it out, together.

* * *

Maura had made herself some coffee and sat down on the couch, flipping on the TV to watch the morning news. She felt a little bad even thinking it, but right now she was actually thankful that Jane and Angela were still not on the best of terms; for the only reason that she would not be able to deal with the interference of the overbearing woman at the moment.

The next segment on TV caught her attention. Apparently the story about Jane's efforts with the robbery had been picked up by the local news, and footage of yesterday's events were now shown on TV, as well as a picture of Jane. Maura listened intently for a few moments while the anchor rehashed the details.

"Please, turn that off," said a still sleep filled voice behind her.

Maura reached for the remote and changed the channel, muting it. She turned around and looked into Jane's face, searching for the answers to her questions.

"Not yet," Jane said, knowing that look on the doctor's face, "give me some time, okay?"

Maura nodded and directed her attention back to the TV.

A few minutes later Jane was leaning heavily on the counter, slowly sipping her own cup of coffee.

When she was finished, she walked over to the couch, where Maura was still sitting. The doctor seemed to be watching some kind of documentary.

Jane sat herself down next to her, grabbed her hand, leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes.

They spent most of the morning like this in silence, with Jane thinking and Maura waiting.

* * *

When the afternoon arrived and Jane continued her silence, Maura decided to try again.

"Jane?"

"Hm?" the response came slowly, like she'd been miles away, lost in thought. She had not even noticed that the doctor had been staring at her for the last ten minutes or so.

"Are you okay?" Maura was examining her, concern clearly evident in her eyes, "you haven't really said anything all day."

Jane blinked a few times, trying to clear her mind, trying to come back to the present.

"I'm sorry, Maur. I've just been thinking."

"You want to talk about it?" The doctor asked softly, hoping for a yes, "tell me what's going on in your head."

Jane reached out her arm and put it around Maura's shoulder, pulling her closer to her. "Yesterday…" she started, "…in the morning, I was convinced quitting the force was the right thing to do for me. I had pretty much made my decision Maura. I was ready to leave, to move on and do something else. I was almost…happy about it. But then…," she paused, running a hand through her hair. "When I saw what was going on, when I saw all those people in danger,... I just acted. There was no way I was _not_ going to try and help."

Jane tilted her head to the side and looked intently in sincere hazel eyes, "And I realized then and today, that it doesn't matter if I quit my job; I'm always going to be a cop. I'm always going to want to help people. But at that moment, yesterday, when I reached for my gun, and it wasn't there, it hit me. Without my badge, without my gun, I can't really help anyone the way I want to. I couldn't provide families with closure anymore, I couldn't get any perps off the street."

She closed her eyes for a moment, "Maura, I've been so scared, for so long," it was still hard to admit what she perceived as a weakness. "I just got so lost in the negative, and in my own pain, that I couldn't see all the good we've accomplished anymore. I lost track of why I wanted to do this work. But now I know, there's no other job for me. Because this is it; I'm always going to be a cop, a detective, and I want to be."

Maura had been completely silent throughout Jane's monologue, she had just listened. And now, when the brunette had stopped talking, she wasn't really sure what to say in response, too many different emotions running through her. One more overwhelming than the other. She was relieved that Jane was still mostly in one piece after another harrowing experience. Relieved that Jane wouldn't quit her job and give up something that was so very vital to who she was as a person. Maura also felt pride. She was proud because the detective had overcome so much these past few months, and grown a lot emotionally as well.

But the strongest emotion, the one she decided to focus on for now was love. They've gone through so much together as a couple, it had been a dark storm at times. But in the end, they had come out stronger than ever. Their relationship had deepened, their love for each other grown tremendously. So instead of using words, Maura expressed her love for Jane in the best way she knew how.

She got up from the couch and reached out her hand to Jane, and when she got a hold of it, she lead the woman with her to the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom; since she could not, neither did she want to, imagine Jane ever moving out again.

Maura confidently but gently guided Jane backwards into the room. When the brunette's legs hit the edge of the bed Maura pushed on her shoulders to sit her down on the mattress. She grabbed the bottom of Jane's shirt and lifted it over her dark curls, dropping it behind them on the floor. With a quick and practiced motion, she unhooked Jane's bra; the woman's torso now completely bare.

Maura dipped her head down and captured Jane's lips in a slow, burning, passionate kiss. Her hands wandering over heated skin, caressing, rubbing, teasing.

It wasn't very often when Jane let herself be completely controlled by Maura, but right now, she let the doctor take the lead. Giving herself over to the other woman completely, instinctively knowing what Maura was trying to convey with her actions.

Jane reached around Maura and slowly pulled down the zipper of her dress, smiling, when hazel eyes met her own; because her hand was actually cooperating with her intention.

The dress fell down the blonde's body to her feet; she stepped out of it and pushed it to the side. It only took a few moments before the rest of their clothing was taken off as well.

Jane guided Maura down and onto her lap, she slid her arms around her waist, bringing them even closer together. Then she leaned forward and brought her lips to Maura's.

She felt the doctor's hand on her face, before it tangled in her hair, pulling her deeper into the kiss.

With the fire between them growing stronger, Maura pushed the detective further up onto the bed, until she laid down on her back.

For a moment, she held herself up and off of the detective, not an inch of their skin touching; their eyes locked in an intense gaze.

And when Maura finally lowered herself onto Jane, their bodies melting into one, they both gasped at the contact.

Jane moaned and put her head back, exposing her throat and neck. Maura kissed along the smooth skin, to her jaw, until their lips and tongues met again and battled in a sensual duel.

Gently their hands reached in between their bodies, searching for, and finding exactly what they were looking for.

They panted as their hips moved against their fingers together, moaning and sighing in their passion.

Then suddenly they were there, shuddering and crying out their joined pleasure.

For long moments after, they just lay there, trying to catch their breaths. Just enjoying the feel of each other's body against their own.

Both of them appreciating the complete comfort they felt in each other's presence.

* * *

That Sunday night, it was the first time in over a month that there would be another Rizzoli family dinner.

Everyone was set to arrive in about an hour, Jane had even included Korsak and Frost tonight. Since they really were a part of the extended family as well.

Maura and her had been cooking together for most of the afternoon, and now with everything ready, all that was left to do was wait.

Jane was looking in the fridge, trying to decide if she wanted to have a beer so early, when she felt two arms wrap around her waist. She let herself relax into the embrace for a moment, then closed the fridge and turned around. "Hey," she said, smiling, looking down into beautiful hazel eyes.

"Hey yourself," Maura smiled back at her.

Jane lowered her head and placed a gentle kiss on Maura's lips, "I feel kind of strange tonight," she reluctantly admitted.

"Strange, why?"

Jane traced her fingers down Maura's face, while thinking for a moment. "I guess I feel like it's the first time I'm fully aware again. Like I was in a fog, and now I'm not." She dropped her hand, "sounds silly, I know."

Maura grabbed onto Jane's hand, "nothing you say will ever sound silly to me, Jane."

They locked eyes for a moment, then Jane smiled slyly at her.

"What?" Maura asked with a puzzled expression on her face. "You got that look, like you're up to something."

"I was actually thinking, that I kind of like being here with you."

Maura tilted her head, trying to figure out the direction the conversation was going in. And then it hit her, and her lips turned up into a smile as well. "I like having you here," she said.

"So maybe I should stay?" Jane asked, her voice had taken on a serious tone.

"I think you should definitely stay." Maura replied, just as earnest in her response.

"Always?"

"Yes. Always."

…

"Wait, we are talking about me moving in here, right?"

Maura laughed, "yes, Jane."

"Okay, just making sure."

And they sealed the decision with a kiss. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves for a while, but kept their passion down, knowing they didn't have time for things to escalate at the moment.

* * *

It was actually not that much later when a knock on the back door interrupted them.

Angela was outside, patiently waiting for the door to open.

"Hey, Ma." Jane said, letting her mother in.

…

An awkward silence overcame them for a moment, neither woman knowing exactly what to say.

"I saw you on the news this week," was the first thing Angela finally said.

"Oh," Jane said, not knowing exactly what to expect. Her mother's usual response was always to yell about how dangerous her job was, and although she was used to it, she wasn't sure if she could handle it.

"I…I'm really proud of you, Jane."

"Wait…what?" That was definitely not the response the brunette had been expecting. "You are proud of me?" her voice conveyed her shock.

Angela looked straight into her daughters eyes, "I am, Jane. So very proud. I know I've never told you before, I don't even know why really. I worry about you and Frankie, in your jobs. But that doesn't mean I'm not proud of what you do every day. I'm so sorry, Jane. For the pain I caused you, and Maura."

"Ma," Jane said, her voice laden with emotion.

"I love you kid. And I just want you happy."

"I love you too, Ma."

The next thing was very un-Jane like when she gave her mother a hug voluntarily. It was still short, but it meant a lot to Angela.

"Are we going to be okay?" Angela asked, looking at her daughter, nothing but sincerity in her face.

"Yea, ma. We are going to be okay. I forgive you. But we have to figure out some boundaries that work for both of us. Because _this_, what happened between us, it can't happen again. I need you, Ma. But you have got to take a step back sometimes."

"I know, that's why I decided to find my own place and move out of the guest house." Angela said, surprising both Jane and Maura.

"Angela, you don't have to do that." Maura interjected.

"No, actually I do. I just need to find a place for myself."

Jane bit her lip, "I think I know a place you can stay. That is if you don't mind staying in a 'crappy little apartment'."

"Whose crappy little apartment?" Angela asked, looking at her daughter, eyebrow raised, recognizing the phrase she had used herself on occasion.

"Mine, actually. It's going to be available, well, now actually. Maura and I decided to move in together."

"I thought you already lived here." Angela said, trying for a joke.

"Well, we made it official today." Jane smiled at her mother, appreciating her attempt to lighten the mood, "so if you want my place, it's yours."

"Deal." Angela reached out her hand and Jane shook it. Then they both laughed at the formality and oddity of the situation.

Maura still looked at little unsure so Angela tried to reassure her, "Maura, I really enjoyed your company and I loved staying with you in the guest house. But I never planned on staying here for the rest of my life. It was always supposed to be temporary, until I got back on my feet. You girls need your privacy and I need to move on with my life as well."

Maura finally nodded, seeing and agreeing with Angela's reasoning.

The older italian woman's tone turned conspiratorially next, "I actually have a date next friday."

"This is going to be good." Jane rolled her eyes playfully, but her tone was kind and she was actually genuinely interested.

Angela bumped her daughter's shoulder in jest, then started telling them the details of her male suitor.

* * *

It wasn't long after, when Frankie and Tommy showed up within minutes of each other. Followed by Korsak and lastly Frost.

They all took a seat at the table, enjoying good conversation and food.

When dinner was done, everyone moved towards the living room with a drink in hand, watching the game on TV. Jane had stayed behind in the kitchen, sitting on one of the chairs, playing with the label of her beer.

She was letting the events of the last few months pass her by, her ordeal with Roy, the pain and darkness in the aftermath. She flexed her hand, and looked at it. The scars were still visible, they always would be, but the pain was almost completely gone now. She wondered if part of the problems with her hand, had been caused by her own doubts and fears. By the reluctance and insecurity she had felt when thinking of returning to her job. Or had it just been slow healing? She guessed she would never really know for sure. But all that mattered now, was that she could use her hand again; she _was_ able to go back to work.

"You okay," she heard whispered close to her ear, two hands resting lightly on her shoulders.

Jane turned around in her seat and unexpectedly captured Maura's lips with her own. Surprised, but willing, Maura let herself get lost in the kiss. Until the cat calls started coming from the living room, and they broke apart, smiling.

"I'm actually…good." Jane said, giving Maura the delayed response to her question. And for the first time in what felt like a very long time, she really meant it.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, that's it. The end to my story. I may or may not post an epilogue, but I'm 95% sure, it doesn't need it.**

**I had a very specific reason for wanting to write this story, mainly the complete and utter lack of consequences when anything happens to either Jane and Maura on the show. It's usually treated like a joke, with no aftermath whatsoever. It annoyed me, since trauma in any shape or form should not be a joking matter. So this was my attempt to 'fix' that. I tried to stay realistic, I did my best. And I hope you have enjoyed taking the ride with me.**

**Special thank you to Honorcpt, who in her own words, does lunatics very well. I concur.**

**And a thank you to Krazyhippo66, who I apparently share one crazy ass muse with. ;)**

**If you've been one of my regular reviewers, I cannot thank you enough. A lot of times your kind words, pushed this story onward. I looked forward to them every time I posted a chapter, and I truly appreciated them a lot. And if you've just been quietly reading until now, let me know what you thought about the story, no matter if it's today, or one year from today. I am always grateful for feedback.**

**Now lastly, I started on a new Rizzoli and Isles story. I'm about half way done with it, so hopefully the first chapter will go up sometime next week. It's a post 2x15 story, but with a twist, and a twist, oh and a twist. ;) I also posted a little one shot/poem/drabble thingy the other day. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but read it, if you wish.**

**In the end. If you remember nothing else. Remember this. OoglieBooglie is the cookie monster. ;p**

**So feed me one more time? ;) (Yes, it still means review)**


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